Hi Letty. I am new here and so I did not know you before, but I wanted to say welcome back. Also, I have a question: when you say keeping the worst memories of suffering out of your mind, do you mean the suffering your husband went through in his final days? Because that is what I am struggling with. It is almost like flashbacks, remembering how much my husband suffered in the end and I would love to erase it from my mind but I don't think it's possible..............and maybe not even healthy. Anyway, I am glad you found your way back here.

Hi. I am speaking exactly of that, my husband's suffering due to cancer (twice). I feel it's unfair he had to suffer so much, but like my hubby told me before he died, "who said life is fair?". Keeping those thoughts away after thinking of them so much already, I think will help me cope. But like I said I saw my doctor. I am on anti-depressants and I want them to help. Speaking with the counselor helped in a strange way. I just wanted to let someone know that my husband mattered and he suffered and I want my family to remember him, talk about him because if they don't it's like they don't miss him at all. Like he never existed. He deserves so much more for them many different ways I loved him and the incredible person he was and will be in my heart.
When you start thinking of these awful thoughts, if you know someone you can call and tell them, I need to get this off my chest, tell them the experience at the end of his life. It will make you feel better just to talk about it. But you need a good listener. I sent a link to Prashant on this site. Look for it and find the link I sent him. It's incredible to read it and understand your feelings and why it's so hard. I found talking about it helps me so much. I have written note and poems and words to help me. One is "Words of my husband". I don't ever want to forget the little things, like "Woman, coffee woman" as he'd say with a big smile. Anything you can think of write it or enter it on your computer.
I know our loss is tremendous and it's going to be hard. Just remember he loved you. He wants you to remember that. Now I am assuming you are talking about who, your hubby? Either way, the love is there, try to feel it. I wish you pleasant dreams!

Sorry luckydaughter, I saw now that it is your husband you are talking about. Feel free to write me, tell me how he suffered, get it out. Sometimes it's the only way. After you read the article I posted for Prashant, you will understand it's good to get it all out there otherwise it's like we become pressure cookers, just boiling inside. Take care of yourself. Letty

The flash backs hit me when I was nearing my 1 year anniversary , eventually they do go away and while you may relay certain aspects to someone who asks , it is not all consuming and the impact is more positive. It is another phase of grieving we pretty much all go through ...

Hi dear Letty,
I missed you......it's good to know you are as well as can be.
I found the approach to the 2 year of Ben's passing really really emotionally draining. I think those last days will surface now and again, even though, now, they have no hold on me.
I'm sorry you've been going through difficult times Letty,I just hope you are not working from Dawn until Dusk.....maybe it's time to give yourself a break from all the chores you have to do. Even a week of relaxation, to give yourself time to process your thoughts and pamper yourself a bit.
Take care Letty.....it's kinda good to hear from a friend from the old DS.... Pop in when you can.......love and hugs, Sandra

Thanks for the feedback. I am working less since this summer has been so excessively hot and humid. The sun feels like it burns through even my clothes. We've had very high UV factors which are bad for sun burning. But I am keeping up with lots of mowing and the care of the horses. I have hired for the much bigger project that my husband would do here. Little by little. Got inside work and a partial floor replacement to take care of next. I wish is were just all done already. When you are used to your spouse taking care of things and you take care of things then it's all in one lap, it can get downright overwhelming. But like I said, it's coming along, just have to save $$ to get it done! Nothing is cheap, that's for sure. Too bad lots of the old people from the site are missing. And they left, why? the website change? Well you all take care. And Sandra, no more working from dawn till dusk. LOL. I had my fill last week outside all day in terrible heat and was glad when that day was finished. Whew!

Welcome back Letty, you were missed. So glad to hear you are doing better.

welcome back, Letty. Wondered what happened to you...glad to hear it was ONLY abysmal flashbacks! ;/ Truly, welcome back...your absence was felt!

Letty, have missed you. I truly relate where you are coming from. Some days seem easier lately, and other days are unbearable. I have started in a new support group. Think this new group will be a good fit for me. More long-term widows so I relate. Hang in there friend.. Yes, the new site is way different....