I feel exactly the same way. I to had to sell almost everything. The only items I kept were my husbands garage stuff. I promised the kids that they could have their Dad's stuff. They are sentimental like that. I live in a 4 bedroom 3 bathroom three level house. Most of the rooms are empty. I am at 1 year and not ready to let this house go. Maybe some day.
I work full time and I spend money on my survival, bills ect... And of course my Grandkids if I can. I don't make enough to nearly get by.
So your not crazy, I think it is normal.
Hugs, Sandi

I'm a few weeks away from 3 years and I feel like that. I don't have a boyfriend or many other friends so I feel like I have nothing left either.

They say the 2nd year is even harder then the first, which in a way it is. But what happens at year 3 ? Maybe its just another hurtle and then we will have it easier,...................I hope.

Thank you Sandi, thank you "now just me" for your posts. I am not alone, I am not crazy I guess I am just a widow trying to go on.

I think the death of a spouse makes you wake up to the fact that life isn't a given and we need to enjoy it while we can. I have learned many hard lessons these last 18 months. I think if I ever have another relationship, I will be a better partner as I now appreciate the big and small things so much more. It is sad we have to live this nightmare to learn these things though.

I understand how you are feeling. This life will never be as it was. I used to refer to it as a loss of innocence. I guess I was very naive thinking we would grow old together enjoying the golden years after raising our children and saving for retirement. I no longer take small things for granted and I believe that I am a better person, more appreciative for small and more thoughtful. Not perfect, I might add, but more aware.

I'm also remarried to a wonderful man. Our love is different because we are different. I originally married my high school sweetheart and celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary before he passed. Now I'm married to another widowed man who raised his children with his wife of 40 years too. It's good. We just have to live one day at a time and cherish the memories while making new ones.

There's a lot to be thankful for. We walk, talk and have beauty surrounding us. Reading posts from those who have it so much harder raising young children and financial issues remind me how lucky I was to have 2 wonderful men and how blessed my children were to have a great dad in their life for so long.

Things will work out for you. I go through the same feelings and now I can read my own words when I get down. :) Sharon

Truthfully what you describe I consider one of the gifts of the grief process. I dont sweat the small stuff because I know in my heart it doesnt matter. The living for the moment I also see as a gift. Losing our spouses has taught us the whole dynamic of our lives can change overnight. I dont beleive you are losing your mind I actually believe the opposite. You are finding a greater sense of balance. Thats just my spin on it. By the way welcome to the board. There is a wonderful diverse group of people here with varying opinions always offered in a supportive manner. Gerald

Drifter you are a widow just trying to go on. My heart goes out to you. I'm happy to read that you have found someone. That gives us all who aren't quite there yet a bit of hope.

I'm 45 my beloved was 48, he died of a stage 4 GBM, lived four wars after his diagnosis with a tremendous quality of life beating every odd even stunning the tumor board on more than one occasion. I had our sixth child at age 42, had him two months shy of two years after Franks diagnosis. Beautiful now three year old healthy gorgeous boy. He didn't begin to deteriorate in any way until 4 years in, he lived 4 1/2 years. Our kids are 25, 18, 8, 7, 6 and 3. The nine month anniversary was Sunday August 17, haven't quite made it through our first year.
I am still in our home, this is our home, the home where we lived, the home my babies all know and love and their Dad died in our room in my arms. I have no desire to leave, this is my home. That is a choice that can be made only by you, like how long to wear your wedding rings, lots of other issues. These are relevant, you have to do only what is right for you, when it's right for you, not one minute before then.
Thank you for sharing with us that you had found someone...as that gives some of us not so much hope about finding another love, some can't imagine that (me included), but a reminder that the other side is waiting on each of us. We all take different roads, but the other side and life are...waiting.

Thank you
Cindy

Driftersoul, in a few days time my husband will have been gone 19 months...He was 52 and I was 48......... I get what you are saying material things are not that important to me now (they never were but now I downsize even more) I feel a need to purge and purge some more until my life is easy and simple.

You show good sense and strength. All good - your good attitude will help you through. You have already realised some of the valuable lessons grief teaches one. Well done. We certainly do accumulate too much stuff and once you start to organise your space, you seem to begin to heal.

Your not losing your mind. I felt the need to get rid of stuff shortly after Paul passed. I remember thinking I didn't want the kids to be burdened with a house full of stuff when I died. I've been thinking about how the years just raced by, busy with work & other obligations. I too wonder about "in the end does it matter". We wasted too much time on trivial things. Im hoping I can get a grip soon. I'm tired of being in pain. I want to be happy again. Every day I get up and try. Some days are better than others.

In the 10 months Capri spent in hospice and the last 7 since she died I've come to the same realization. Stuff is fine but it doesn't hold the value it once did for me. Selling or just giving things away, divesting much of the stuff we hauled with us as we moved from place to place throughout our life has been much easier than I ever thought possible. If I had to pick up and move to another city, state or country, I believe I'd have much less issue with it than even 2 or 3 years ago. Personal possesions, car, even the house is just stuff. Relationships, memories, experiences, those are the truly meaningful things that sustain us and are portable because we carry them with us wherever life takes us.
Peace and ((Hugs))
John

Wow it works! Thank you all for taking time to write back. It's early morning here and I will be heading out for work soon but with a lighter heart. Truly. I thought I was going crazy. As I said, I never ask for help and now I have almost immediate help. Amazing!

As for "finding love again" Cindy I did not find it. My love sent this amazing man to me, I am sure. I had a friend who had asked me a short while after the death of my soul mate if I could love again. I thought about it and said that the only person who knew me the best was now "on the other side". Before he passed he "gave me permission" on numerous occasions to live, to love, to sell or keep the house, to keep or sell our sailboat, etc. And so I said, "If he wants me to love again, it's his job to put someone on my road. Not mine. He knows what I need, I sure don't !" I didn't make it easy on any man approaching me (believe me!!!). But this one special man slipped into my life before I realized it. I didn't find love, it found me. I could never ever picture myself with anybody or even less in anybody's arms. It just happened. Interestingly, I have no fear should this relationship fail. I do not believe there is greater pain than loosing to death one's soul mate. That loss is a permanent one. No come back, no call back. So I'll enjoy what I have today knowing that I am not loosing my mind and if I am, I am not alone. Looks like a few of you are with me! Thinking of you all out there in your own world and sending you my thanks and prayers to all. Driftersoul

After 5 years, I feel exactly the same way. Every problem is trivial and fixable (most are anyway). I don't get worried or upset about much of anything. I plan for the future (retirement wise), but take each day as it comes. After all, each day is a gift and not a guarantee. I do the best I can for myself, who is No. 1 now, my family, friends and pet. What you see is what you get.

I am not interested in having a new partner. My husband was my soulmate and the only one I wanted to live my life out with. I'm not willing to "train" a new relationship, so to speak, compromise, change, etc. The only way I can describe my life now is "comfortable".

Cancer and my DH's death certainly changed me, my outlook and opinions. I am more outspoken now in situations where I must defend myself, or am annoyed by "well-meaning people." Enough is enough.

One of the best purchases since he passed in the adoption of my cat. She has made a world of difference in the home's atmosphere.

what did I miss...................what worked?

I think she meant that sharing her feelings here and getting supportive feedback helped her to feel better. We all want to help each other and "get it."