Hey Jeff, the 9-11 month period tends to be pretty emotionally tumultuous - that is the best way to describe it I think. I described it when I went through it back in 2008 in this thread, which you might want to take a look at and some of the discussion. I always feel funny about bumping some of the very old stuff, so I will let you decide:

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Widows_Widowers/forum/5553804-observations-911-months

There is something about the 9-11 month range that makes it an extra bumpy ride. For me, it was because somewhere in the back of my mind as a Mom I know it's enough time to bring forth a new life (a baby), and I think I was feeling like I should have had it all worked out by then. Plus, the impending 1-year mark freaks everybody out. (Often the anticipation is worse than the actual day.)

I can understand the parental exhaustion, too, even though my guys were very big guys. You just plain are exhausted on so many levels that you can't possibly be 'up' all the time. And to be quite honest, I think my guys got tired of me, too, sometimes! Can you have somebody sit your daughter for a day so you can get some time to be alone with your thoughts? I think it is important for you to have that solitude and be able to recharge your batteries.

As far as the guilt goes, I know I sound like a broken record, but truly, guilt is the single most USELESS emotion you will go through while grieving. It serves no constructive purpose whatsoever, and it just wipes out what little strength and confidence you have. Don't fall prey to it! Whenever you start feeling the guilt raising its ugly head again, stop and tell yourself - out loud if you have to! - 'NO, I am not going down that road again! Dina would never want that for me!'

I am sorry you are going through it, too. I hope the fact that what you are experiencing is at least typical is some comfort. You will get through this, don't give up.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Thanks Martha. Yes, knowing this is typical definitely helps.

As for my daughter, there are plenty of willing sitters at most any time I need one. I know I'm very lucky in that regard. I actually went away skiing this past weekend with one of my brothers and some friends without her. It was fun but at the same I still felt some guilt/selfishness for leaving her. She's with other people during the week while I work so I only get a couple hours a day at night with her. I know it is important to make time for myself but leaving her on the weekends definitely makes me feel bad.

I've done pretty well to this point so I know this too will pass, but it still kind of sucks!!

Thanks again Martha.

Hey Jeff, I am so sorry that you are having a hard time again. I cannot totally relate to what you are going through at this point because I have only been without my wife Anne for 3 months. I also do not have any young children because both of mine are married. I have often wondered what it would be like to have a young child to raise instead of living in an empty house. I can see from your perspective that it can be very difficult. I am glad that you have been doing well before this latest period of difficulty. I know I couldn't give you any better advice than Martha has.

I just want you to know that I am here like many others that are in a similar situation that will be happy to listen to you when you need to talk about it. If I have any advice for you I will always be glad to share.

I will pray for you and your Daughter

Robbie

Hi, jrp32079. I work with families of children under the age of 12 years and I specialize with children under 6. It is not the length of time that you spend with your daughter, it is what you do with the time. All a 4 year old needs to know is that they are loved. I am sure that she knows this.
You should be going away with your friends. This will give you time to regenerate and be an even better parent. it will also give your daughter a chance to be away from you. We always think that our young children wants us all the time. This is not necessary true they need their time away from parents as will. Going to a grandparents house, or place for a few days is good.
I think that the hardest job out there is being a single parent. You have to be the dad, mom, teacher, discipline. you need to give yourself a pat on the back. So don't feel bad - give you daughter a big hug and kiss. She will help or probably is helping you get through these time.

Thanks the thoughts Robbie, much appreciated.

And thank you millerb. You are absolutely correct. I know she is the main reason this has been easier, in a sense, than I ever expected it to be. Sadly we had already adjusted to this life while Dina was in the hospital for 4 months before dying. I had to stay focued on her and did my best to keep her routine as close to normal as possible. So, in a way, when Dina died not much changed in that regard. I know that also made the 'transition' to our new life a little easier as well. Thanks again for the feedback.

Yes I have found it is very normal as I am at 11 months right now and have been going thru the same emotions. I sometimes feel like I just want to shut everyone out close the door and stay in a dark room for a while. And I too was doing very well up till about a month ago. now it just feels like Im living it all over again. I guess we just have to take it one day at a time as we have been doing and ride the wave because Im sure now that this isn't the last one we will have to face AS I talk to more people about it.