Yes absolutely I have felt that way. Especially in those first few months. It felt like an eternity since our life together and like it was yesterday all at the same time. I'm at 10 months now and can't avoid the thoughts of this time last year. If it feels like a milestone to you then it is. There'll be lots of them, big and small. Some will surprise you and others you'll handle better than you thought you would. It's all just part of this crazy journey that grief takes us on. Like Alice In wonderland, nothing is as it seems. Hang in there and just focus on getting through today. Hugs, Liz.

I feel the same way. It's only been a couple of months for me, too. I still half expect to see him come out of the bedroom, or walk up the street. And I can't seem to get my mind and heart out of the past. I long for those days. And I understand what you mean about public and private...in public, I get things done, errands, dealing with my kid's school and workers...but as soon as I get home and close the door, it's a totally different story. I don't know if this deep gnawing pain will ever go away...

Time warp? I call it the Twilight Zone . . . nothing seems real or "understandable". :(
I wish you peace as you face the coming week (milestone). Often time, it is easier than we anticipate. I hope this is the case for you.
xo, Dayna

I think my husband's birthday was the most difficult "first" that I went through. Maybe it was because he was so looking forward to a big party. Yes, it is a milestone... every one of those difficult days that you get through and survive is a big deal.

It's been 2+ years for us, and some days I look back and think, "it's only been 2 years?" Other times I look back and think, "I can't believe it's been two years already..."
I have little memory of the events immediately after the death and funeral... Little moments are crystal clear, but most was a complete fog.
You'll find all kinds of milestones in the weeks, months ahead. And we're all here to listen whenever you need to share.
Take care...
Jac

I have also felt this way - I am very early into this journey as I approach three months without John. I wish you comfort as the coming days and weeks march forward as we all know and see that the world and time continues forward even as we have had our world changed forever.

Cottage242 - your comment about your husband being gone for a year and knowing that it is going to be forever really touched me seeing it written in words ..... Working through the acute feelings of loss is so important and for me at the same time building a strong healthy foundation for a new life is so important because it is a forever loss......

Thank you to the entire group for all of your support.....it helps me everyday.

Patricia

Oh yes, time warp stuck in a void. The only focus for me was to get my husband's remain back from overseas. He had been away on business trip for over 2 weeks and it took additional almost 3 weeks to get his body home. It was still unbelievable when he didn't look the way he was, I actual had felt rejection towards his remain, but I know it's him and went through with the funeral. Yesterday was the day I loss my husband 3 years ago, It is never easy but we do move forward one day at a time. Wish you peace.

Mary, it sounds like you have a very good friend indeed.

My wife of 25 years died last July. I guess I don't count weeks/months anymore.

I'm trying to plan the traditional Jewish unveiling of the grave marker on the one year anniversary. I was out of work for a couple of months (normal for self-employed consultants) so I need to build up some funds. When I purchased her grave, from plots owned by my synagogue, I bought one for myself at the same time next to her. I'll probably put up a double stone, a modest wedge, not because of economy, because that's "right" for me. Our souls were so deeply inter-twined in life. It occurred to me that I am still young, 56, and I hope to find another meaningful relationship in my life. That might make things more complicated. I'll figure it out as I go.

The first week I observed the Jewish tradition of "sitting shiva." I sat on a low chair, covered my mirrors, turned off the tv, and let the thoughts & feelings flow. I took the week off from work. People are supposed to make short visits & bring food. Nobody came, but our daughter & friends called me often. That was OK. I was not really close with any members of my synagogue then, but we have been building closer friendships since then. If I asked at services for visitors, I'm sure they would have come.

The first 2 months? A blur. I cried every day, multiple times a day. Our daughter observed that she had seen me cry only a handful of times in her life. It was a relief to have work to do; I am a web site coder, and that work is very demanding, it distracted me for a few hours a day.

Perhaps a month or so ago, I felt myself leaving the raw grief period. Now I feel deep, deep sadness. I still cry sometimes, not as much.

On Mothers Day our daughter, a runner, ran to the cemetery with a friend who also lost her mom when she was young, and gave my daughter a lot of support. She sent me a photo of the bouquet they brought, on the cold hard ground. I thanked her.

There is no "right" way to feel, act, mark time. I guess I got hit hard by my wife's birthday in January. I realized this Mothers Day I have no moms in my life, my mother also died last year. My daughter & son-in-law and I are going to my mom's unveiling on Friday.

I wonder how her mom's death changed our daughter's birthday, forever. The anniversary comes exactly one week after her birthday. I taught her about the Yahrzeit (death anniversary) calendar. The Hebrew calendar is lunar, so the date shifts against the Gregorian calendar dates every year. There are calendar apps that send reminders.

You are doing okay. That's the best that can be hoped for. It sounds like you have a wonderful friend. Baby steps become steady steps.

Half my brain is filled with music. A phrase will trigger connections. Here's a couple:
Let's Do the Time Warp Again https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sg-vgGuTD8A
Time Warp at the Anne Frank Museum https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLUVZb22NzU

I used to go see Human Sexual Response play when I was in college.

"One good thing about music, when it hits you feel no pain" ~ Bob Marley

Mary, life is full of special days, celebrations and on and on. Take them "one-day-at-a-time!"

Expect NOTHING from yourself. If you feel like crying, do it! If a sudden smile [because a pleasant memory may cross your mind], then smile.

Life will NEVER be the same, it will happen anew for you. Be open for what it may bring to you.

I wish you peace and grace.

Roz

For a few weeks after my wife died, I kept thinking about Sleepless in Seattle, which I'd seen with her. Tom Hanks cried over his lost wife, over a year after she'd gone. Carly Simon song from that movie: "In the wee small hours of the morning, that's the time you miss him most of all".

Wow. I totally understand. Mine died on April 9th suddenly. Some days I feel like he's going to call me or text when I'm at work and then I remember. Other days I immerse myself in my job to block out feeling, thinking about him yet he is always there in my mind. It does feel like a time warp and like time doesn't make sense any more. You are certainly not alone! Reading posts from people on here has helped to know that. Sending you hugs!!