I have found so far that anticipation of 'special days' is usually far worse than the day itself so firstly I really try not to focus on it and I keep busy and try to plan something to do, on and around the day.
I find that plans, [like lunch with friends] the next day really helpful so I have something to look foreward to and I can get up, dressed and head out rather than hanging around home feeling sad and risking spiralling down.
Valentines day, for me will most likely be a day at home, ignoring it.
I Hope you find a way to make it work for you, all the best!

February 14th is Chinese New Year's this year - maybe go out for Chinese with friends?

Valentine's Day will be 'sucky.'

Love and Hugs, Martha

Sucky sounds good to me. If it is not a word, it fits our lives and we can just use it. :) I have not really thought to much about Valentine's Day. Man, I hate this holiday crap. I thought we were over them. I had not thought too much about the other ones. Except the 4th of July, that was my husband's favorite, and it is a long time away still. Valentine's Day, what balarkey, Then Easter. Birthdays that he will be missing. It is just enough to make you want to scream. I did okay on his birthday, my birthday was the day I just feel apart. Thanksgiving sucked. Christmas was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. New Years sucked. All of these first are just going to drive me insane.
Maybe try not to think about how bad it is going to be, but what wonderful ones you had in the past. (Like my optimism there. :) )
I remember the Valentine's Day when I was pregnant with my youngest son, my husband left, I thought for work. A bit later, he was back, I was still sleeping. He brought me flowers, a card, and a money that sang "Wild Thing". It suprised me, I loved it, and I have that memory forever.
Vegas will be fun. I know that it won't be the same, but it is Vegas. I got married there. Too much fun.
Go out for Chinese like cliffskat suggested and just think of it as just another day. Whatever, you decide just breathe, and remember that we are here for you. You can make it. Hugs. Shawn

Valnetines is to far ahead to think about. I do not look beyond the remainder of the existing day or the day after. But for us, We did the "card thing" but we never really celebrated that as a big holiday. So maybe it won't be as tough as the rest has been for that fact. But, I do have his birthday coming up in April right after Easter, back to back. That will be a hard one. I am just hoping they have his plaque down by then so I can atleast put flowers and balloons down without them blowing away. Hopefully the ground will be thawed enough by then. But other then that. I don't even think about it until the time nears. And, I do agree these firsts are really, really "sucky".

My husband wasn't a big believer in commercial holidays. Of course,we would give each other cards or maybe go out to eat but it Valentine's Day wasn't such a big deal. What he was good at was surprises...I would come home from work and he would have picked flowers out of our garden and they would be all over the house. Dinning room, kitchen, living room. Or he would stop and buy a card any day of the week just to say I love you. And some weekends he would wake up and say let's go away for the weekend. That's one of the things that made me love him so much and that I miss..

Well sucky pretty much sums things up for me. Mike's birthday was on Valentine's Day so it is a double whammy for me. Not sure what I am going to do that day. We always went out for dinner to celebrate both the birthday and the valentine stuff but so hoping I can find a single friend to have a burger with that night. Can not stand the thought of going to a "couples" type restaurant, that would only make things worse. Even the cards in the shops make me run a mile when I see that wall of red hearts.

I hate all holidays now. I work in a lingerie store so I cant run away and hide during the holidays. Christmas and Valentines Day are the busiest times for us. This will be my second Valentines Day without Paul. He passed away in January so the first Valentines Day without Paul is a blur. My mom passed away in October and Valentines Day is also my mothers birthday. Not sure how I will be spending the day.

Sucky, very, very sucky! While you are in Vegas, try to treat yourself to something special. Maybe some time in a spa or go to a show or sit under a palm tree by the pool with a good book.

I have already been thinking about Valentines day. Over the years, John had done some very sweet and romantic things. Sigh......

It is my grandson Noah's birthday. I will go and spend the day with him celebrating that.

I do plan to buy some flowers from the grocery store for myself onValentines Day. I have decided that on each holiday, I will get myself a little something, something cheerful or designed to lift my spirits. At Christmas I treated myself to a beautiful set of Bamboo pajamas and wore them on Christmas Eve. John usually got me PJ's for Christmas Eve. Do you think this is strange? While it makes me cry, it seems to bring me some comfort and causes me to remember all the sweet things he did.

I forgot to mention, I pretend that I got the gifts from John. In a way, they are. A portion of my financial security rests on his pensions and the life insurance that he worked hard all his life for. I don't tell other people this. I am sure they would think I was nuts.

This will be my second Valentine's Day alone. It would have also been our 13th anniversary. Last year it was really "sucky". This year, I think will be a little better.

Yes, go to Vegas. Treat yourself to a special dinner or show...or both even! You have made great progress and this is your reward. Enjoy life and enjoy your memories of Jeff. Remember, this is the best day of your life.

Thanks, everybody. I feel less sucky just reading all of the posts. :-) And, no, Beasely, it's not strange buying yourself something and pretending it's from John. I've done the same thing--well, other than pretending it's from John---that would be strange :-) LOL, I pretend mine are from Jeff. I think it would be great if we all lived in the same place and could get together for a big Say-No-To-Suckiness-on-Valentines-Day Party. Short of that, I think I'll buy myself some flowers, make sure the kids have a fun day and then plan to catch a good show when I get to Vegas that week. I'll think of you all---especially those for whom Valentine's Day marks a milestone other than just the holiday. Only milestone for me that day is my Golden Retriever's birthday, so I'm safe in that regard. Thanks for talking.
Cheers-
CJ

CJ, I agree with one of the earlier comments that dreading special days or holidays is sometimes worse than the actual day itself. Fortunately, V Day was not a big event with Ross (my DH). So I haven't struggled much with that holiday. I think the toughest day of the year for me through all the grief has actually been 4th of July. That was such a huge family day when we would bar-b-que, swim, watch fireworks with family and friends. And it's all the daily interactions I miss more than specific events.

I don't know what to tell you. On different occasions I have bought myself a piece of clothing or jewelry, taken myself to dinner, rented a movie . . . . but still I am totally alone inside even if I go with a friend. It's tough, my friend. Hang in there and keep us updated.

Love ya'!
Tami

CJ, My husband died a year ago. The first Valentines day was awful. I have tried very hard to think of how my husband would want me go on and how worried he would be about me. This has helped me to reframe my new reality. He always bought me jewelry and or flowers. I will do the same on those days to treat myself. I feel he loved me so much that I need to take care of myself and try to LIVE something he would want me to do. What are the things he enjoyed doing in Vegas? Maybe you could do those while you are there. Nothing will ever be the same for us but as we accept that, we can find more moments in living when you feel that he is present. Hope this helps

Paula

Thanks for your reply, Paula. Good to know I'm not the only one who gets hung up on these silly holidays. Jeff really didn't like Vegas--he was just there working at a conference. He didn't drink and didn't much like gambling, so Vegas wasn't a favorite, but we'd planned to go to some shows this year. Think I'll convince some friends I know out there to join me and take in a show or two--I'm with you--we need to live and we aren't honoring our loved ones by acting as if we've died, too. I believe I'm still here because I've still got important things to do, so that's what keeps me going. Thanks for talking.
CJ

CJ I agree with you about Valentine's day being "sucky". This will be my 3rd without him now and then 2 days later the 16th we would have celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. I have learned as some of the others mentioned the anticipation can actually be harder than the day itself so I try to have something planned. Hope we all make it through another holiday on our own. Sending hugs.