My wife was the one able to do repairs around the house, whilst myself I did very rarely. I feel lost in facing possible problems that may arise in this regard. I do have to replace a washer on one of the taps, haven't done that in a long time. My wife would have done it no problem. We always did the bigger projects in the house together, with my wife being the one who knew what to do, and myself just following what she said, and it worked great that way, but now I am completely lost about even how to start things.

I understand how you feel about being down about all these things you have to face doing alone.

Scouserboots you made me smile because my wife was also the fix it person in our house. Like you Nicker07 it is satisfying accomplishing new tasks but also bittersweet because it is a role our spouses used to do and sometimes all those tasks seem overwhelming. The first number of times I did a task my wife used to always do it brought tears to my eyes. But more and more it is now part of my new reality. If it is something I really dont know what to do I seek help from my extended family. Alot of people but definitely not all are willing to lend a hand when asked.
Wishing everyone the best as we learn new tasks. Gerald

gerald, your comment about doing tasks your wife used to do and it bringing tears to your eyes reminds me of when I was installing the air conditioner in the window. I broke down many times. It was a task both my wife and I were going to face this summer, we had new windows installed last year in the fall, and we were trying to figure out a new method of installation. I had to do this by myself, which I eventually did and after many tears.

Shortly after my husband passed, the bathroom sink was starting to plug. This induced a little panic as I came to the abrupt realization "who's going to fix things now?" He did everything before. Everything. Plus, he was the local handy man so it was a big loss for everybody. I recall I did have to do some of this before we met, as I owned a house back then. When the sink did indeed totally plug up (I was using the plunger for a month), I took the apparatus apart behind the sink and managed it myself. I realized how blessed I was all those years with peace and confidence that someone was there to take charge of all the problems. I know they'll be times when I just have to call somebody. In the meantime I remember I do have the capacity to do things myself!

Here is a subject close to my heart. All these little tasks which need to be done round the house, on one's one when once they were shared, is very depressing. Somehow, it appears that I have a morbid fear of all things to do with plumbing and general house repairs. I have nowadays realised how many things my husband had the use to do and how much I took it for granted. I am not even talking about the work in the garden which is totally beyond me (luckily, I am paying some helpers with that).

I am in the process of moving to new premises, more manageable for me. However, it is down to me to sort out the whole house and get rid of the accumulated junk during some 20+ years. I try to do a little bit each day, crying buckets in the process because everything I touch is laden with memories. But I have to do it, how good it was when we could do all these tasks together.

I do understand that it does get you down, it does me too.

Oh, the repairs, and unexpected breaking downs of stuff.... at the beginning it was always a reminder of the loss, and like someone was reopening the wound that started to heal...
Now, I just let it go, or fix it. This week I was tired watching sprinkler system watering anything and everything but the plants that needed the water. So I rolled up my sleeves, took the tools and fixed it. I had to do it while it was pouring water all over me, and I suddenly felt like a proud kid. I was standing in the middle of my lawn, with the tool in my hand, in a soaking wet clothes, but I had a silly smile on my face. I did it!

Your post makes me realize that we are all in that boat. Ron died 6 months ago today. Several times I cried before and after things got fixed. I even even sat on the tractor with the manual. Got it running and fields bush hogged. At first I cried thru everything. Now when I start something Ron would do I thank God for the 15 years I had ron and ask for a helping hand. The crying now is quiet tears instead of mad angry ones. But it is still so sad. I so know how you feel.

You all are an inspiration. I plan on clearing out his room this week. Repainting it. Claiming it as my own. That's my plan for the week. Wish me luck!!!

Good luck Sandee!

This post means alot to me right now. I have the 2nd of two dumpsters, 4 Cubic Yards, this new one is 6 Cubic Yards. First one already gone with two dead aspens I had to have cut down, MANY things in the basement that was saved over 25 years. Piece of carpet here, old broken outdoor table, and the list goes on. Add to that the fact that things continue to break. I felt a HUGE BIG STAR for myself when one day I figured the entire irrigation system out for both the front, back yard and all of the pots on ground and hanging. WOW! I was so pleased with myself. BUT then turned around and cried like a baby that I didn't want to have that ability to fix things around here. That was his part of our partnership. Here's to all of us knowing the difference between a wrench and a screwdriver!

I was able to paint a bathroom by myself. I took it on, because I thought it was a small enough project. Boy was I mistaken. Painting around a toilet is not easy. It was really tight in there. But it is done.

I had the kitchen remodeled with new countertops and flooring and paid a professional to do them. Now my house is up for sale and I keep praying it will sell. Wanted to clean the deck and put a new stain on it, but I said forget it. Sometimes some projects you just have to let go or get someone else to do them.

My husbands 50th high school reunion is August, just got the invitation.

I thought I was an oddball. I'm the fix it woman and my husband did not enjoy that kind of stuff. I miss having him here to discuss my projects with or to brag when I had fixed something. Funny! Being the repairman doesn't feel very feminine, I'm glad to know that I'm not the only woman who is a repair person! Try singing the song "Bob the Builder, can he fix it? Bob the Builder, yes he can!"

Way to go, Nicker! Isn't it great when we can surprise ourselves? I have male friends who won't even touch that stuff. They'll hire people to do the smallest jobs. It's crazy.

She did all of our finances and paperwork, paid the bills, etc. It always seemed like such a big deal. Now that it's left to me, I don't see it as that big of a deal at all. I don't give it a lot of thought, actually. I collect the bills, pay them on time, forget about it. I was doing pretty much everything else around the house, so this just rounds things out.

Miss her like crazy, though.

These are the realizations that lead to acknowledging how strong we ard. Sure, in the beginning they cause anger, pain and frustration but looking back we are winners. Yes we are. We come. We conquer. We survive. Sharon