Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Another loss

MissinLilBear
MissinLilBear
You know I was doing pretty well (even though Diana's birthday is approaching, Monday). My son is back from his military deployment which as a huge load off my mind. I found out the job I was slotted for at my local college isn't there but another college called to offer me a job. All in all a good week.

Then one of my best friends sent me a message, he is on his way out to the west coast, his daughter (who I have known since she was 3) was killed in a freak accident.

I seriously collapsed on the floor, in addition to all the sympathy I was feeling for him I also got a whole flood of my own emotions flowing back in. It's been an hour now and at this point I can type. I tried to leave him a phone message but I lost it about 30 seconds in.

I am thinking that all my thoughts about how well I am doing is pretty much a facade, I convince myself I am doing well but my psyche is really quite fragile.

Sorry, just needed to unload.

-Pete-
deleted_user
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Oh, gosh, what an utterly horrible thing! I can see why it would knock you for a loop. Anything that reaches us emotionally tears the very thin scar off our own wound and releases it all over again. All the best to you and also to your best friend and family.
deleted_user
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It's understandable that you reacted this way. Your soul can't heal in such a short length of time...I'm so sorry for the loss of this young lady. I pray for peace for you, your friend and the rest of the family.
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
I know how you feel. My husband passed three years ago and I felt I was satisfied with my progress. Then on 10/6 which was Don's birthday,our best friend Rick died of lung cancer. The same disease that took Don. It brings up a lot of memories. The only thing I can say is try to keep them separate in you mind. Try is the key word. Grieve for the loss of your friends daughter and the loss of your wife as separate losses. If you combine them it's worse. I'm so sorrry to hear about both lossses. Life isn't fair sometime, but the sun will come out for us again. Sharon
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Pete, I can totally understand what you are feeling. It doesn't take much to open the wound. I went on a vacation this summer to get away and get my head on straight. I was home for two days, and a close ffriend that John and I had passed away unexpectedly. That was 4 months after John passed on. Then about a month ago, a very close friend of our family passed away, he was only 40 and died the same way John did. Both times I thought I was doing better and both times I got knocked to my knees. I think it going to take us a very long time before we are able to handle or be able to cope with tragedies that hit close to home.
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Pete -- I'm so sorry for your loss. I will ble praying for you and your friend's family.

Hugs, Carla
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Pete:
I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers.
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Pete, I'm so sorry. One of my friends lost her 24 year old daughter suddenly in August, and I had a similar reaction- I instantly regressed into emotional hell. It made me realize how fragile I still was and how very lucky I was to still have my own 24 year old daughter. Living life in the present and loving every moment with our loved ones is something we can control. Since MIke died, I relish every second with my family and especially my grandson. I find myself staring at his little hands and feet because I know how fast life passes us by. I hang on to his every word and wish I could freeze him in time, but because I can't, I have vowed to have quality time with him every single chance I get.
I pray for peace to your heart Pete! Terry
deleted_user
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I am so sorry for your friend's and you new loss!!! To lose a spouse to an illness is difficult enough, I can't imagine the feelings of losing a child in a "freak" accident. Please hang in there! Your "losing it" I'm sure it's quite normal. Our emotions are simply raw and much charcoal sprayed with lighter fluid, we are ready to ignite at any minute. You had every reason in the world to your reaction to this news. I only wish for you that you will find the strength to share the wisdom you have acquired in your own personal grief to provide some solace and words of wisdom to your friend. He will most certainly need all the help he can! Many blessings to you. May today some peace will come into your life even if it is only brief. LOL
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Pete,
So sorry for another loss. I'll be saying a prayer for you and our friends family for strength to endure this tragedy. Hugs, Judy
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I am so sorry. To lose a child is the most cruel death of all.......we should never have to outlive our children. My prayers are with your friend and his family and you.
Dianne
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Pete, I am so sorry that this has happened...life is so fragile. I hope you can find some peace. I think we all live a facade. I can never let people know how I am feeling on the inside for fear they will commit me. Take care and Hugs~Shelley
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Pete, I am so sorry you have this extra sorrow to carry. I know life isn't fair but dang it when it comes to kids it should be. Prayers to you, Kathy
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Pete, don't sell yourself short. I think you had a normal reaction in your already wounded heart. My husband's brother passed away 17 days after my husband. I got physically ill. I wasn't able to attend a fuenral or memorial service for well over a year after Cal passed away. We do what we can when we are able.
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I am so sorry for your friend and for you. I find that each time I hear "cancer" or even learn of someone else's loss, my reaction is much like yours and so many of us here: the tidal wave of pain, sadness, grief just takes you down all over again.

Firmly believe it is normal for us to react this way, esp when the loss is so close to home. I know you want to be strong and be there for your friend, and you will be. Be gentle on yourself and you will get through all the feelings this brought up around your own loss.

hugs, Susan
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So very sorry, what a hugh loss. Our hearts are open to the suffering of others now. I think it is part of our spiritual developement learned through our own experience, to feel others losses, to be compassionate and empathetic. It hurts us now because we relate but we can also be of comfort to those suffering. This is just awful for your friend, yourself for your had a relationship to her and her family. You are healthy to feel this grief, it may be part of your own grief but we are all in this fragile existence together and we suffer for it. No suffering if you have no heart. Hug, Donna