Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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aratliff 10/08/2013

Last nite I had another dream...I think it has set me in a somber mood for my day...I dreamed that he was back with me, and I kept him hidden at home (sort of tucked away I guess)...I had to tell him that he could only stay if he promised not to interact with anyone else, I had to tell him that he had died, and that it was alright if he stayed so we could still be together but no one else could know about it...he had a look of shock when I told him he had died, and didn't want to believe it...I remember seeing the images of him laying dead in the living room waiting for the funeral home to come pick him up...it was like I had to think back to those images to reassure my self that he really did die....

I am not saying that I don't want to have dreams about him, but I wish they could be just a little better dreams...something a little happier...

I so wanted to call in sick for work today...but I got up (with a headache-and a hurting heart as well), and once again dragged myself in....I think it will be one of those days I stay hidden in my cubical...outta sight, outta mind....

onebrokenheart 10/08/2013

I wish I would have a good dream too. I have had one dream and in it his back was to me and he fell over dead. I woke up crying and even now when I think about it I actually feel sick to my stomach. Yes, I do so wish I would have a good dream about Don.

jewells1 10/08/2013

He came to visit...and your brain that now accepts he is gone, brought you back t reality. A sign of another step in this journey. Acceptance.Not a nice one. Setting you up for a grief wave.

So take extra care today and write a note to him, "thank you for the comfort visit". Just a sticky note, you may feel a lift shortly after.. him letting you know, message received.

As he can he will be able to visit again to help or comfort you when daily frustrations get to be too much.

Hugs today.
Jewells

aratliff 10/09/2013

Thank you so much Jewells1...I know it is nice that he visits me...and that is really how I feel about it...I worried most of the day yesterday that by telling him he died he won't return...sounds sorta nutz I know!! but I made it thru yesterday...today I just didn't feel like it....it is the first time I got up and said "nope-not doin it"...I called in sick for work today...way out of context for me...I have so many things pending...but they will still be there tomorrow...I hung out at home most of the day, took a shower and took the dog for a ride...we stopped at a dog park, she really didn't understand the concept of it, but I felt like it was something and it got us out of the house for a bit...it was a nice fall day...
I am really hating these early evenings in Michigan, and dread the next few months to come...

sandeestttn 10/09/2013

I spent 29 years living in Michigan. If I still lived there, I would become a bear in the winter, and hibernate. But being in the south, you get milder temperatures. More Sun. But I fear this winter will be bad here. If so, I will hibernate here too. Last time I saw my husband, we were driving back from 2 hours away, and there came a blinding blizzard all the way home. But when I reached home, it cleared up.

jewells1 10/09/2013

The evenings are beautiful here, but getting so short. Our sun angle feeds my soul even mid-day is different in the way it feels. Sandeetn has lived here too.

aratliff 10/09/2013

just took the dog for a walk, it is a very nice evening...I like the sound of the leaves crunching under my feet...but seeing all the bats flying around freaks me out a bit... I have always liked the first couple chilly days, when your cheeks are cold and you come in from raking leaves... when you first turn the heat on and eat hot chili, or something...its the coziness that I liked...That is something I will certainly miss this year...
I am personally not a huge fan of winter...the first snow looks nice, but the wind and darkness I can do without...

deleted_user 10/10/2013

I also had a smilar type dream ...
The problem we had was the dog could see him ...
She told the neighbors he was back, so he had to leave ...
Big mouth!

[[[HUGS]]]

Some dreams can be daunting ...

cliffskat 10/11/2013

I think your dream had more to do with your feelings that you are stuffing down your grief to hide it - I think that is how you described it on the other thread? Your mind is wrestling with how to face your grief and still carry on with having to deal with the outside world. It is like you are hiding your dead husband at home and don't want anyone to know about your grieving, and that is why the dream was about that. It was probably a good idea to take a "mental health day" off. I needed to do that from time-to-time, too, and as much as I hated doing that, I knew the pile on my desk would still be there when I got back, but I would be in a much better shape for dealing with it.

Are you seeing a counselor for your grief at all? I think if you could talk it out with someone like that then your dreams would be released from the internal struggles and you might have better "visit" type dreams of your hubby. Just a thought....

Hope today is a good day for you.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

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