I read this quote and it said" If you have never felt the emptiness the total pain of loss be Thankful. Never excuse yourself for feeling. I was told by my sister that i should be feeling certain ways not that long after my husband died..my pain should be better now..she read about it in a book..Life will be different and you will change and in time you learn how to cope..slowly for me now its almost 4 years..but i see humor in things now and I feel more at peace now. Not looking for him anymore. I know he is gone.In my heart forever and will always be there as he is my other half. Peace and Hugs to you

If it makes you feel any better, I'm 4 1/2 years in the aftermath and still haven't sent a one acknowledgement note. Matter of fact, I don't recall opening any of the cards. I'm not advocating this ostrich approach, just was something I never cared to face, and had no one to give me any well-meant nudges. Be thankful you have family to bug you -- just do whatever whenever you have strength. Do what you can when you have strength for it. If it is too emotional, it can wait. As for my wife's things, gave away all I could, and the rest of it went into a storage unit, just sitting there costing me money until one day I decide to deal with it. Guess my best advice to you is to not listen to any advice from me :) All you really need to remember is to eat, drink lots of water, and get your sleep. Vitamins are a good idea as well. It all will get better in time, likely to get worse before that happens though. Only sure thing that will help is time, time and more time. Take care of yourself, one day at a time.

My advice is don't get rid of anything for a minimum of 6 months unless you are legally required to by a will. No one but you has the right to decide when it's the right time. And I can guarantee that if you rush through it that you will regret it later on.

I remember the thank you and acknowledgement cards. When Cliff died, I discovered that my more evangelical friends had a custom of putting obscure bible references in the cards - not the whole passage, just where to find some passage, e.g. "John 1:23", that sort of thing. Which meant I had to get out my bible and find what they were talking about, and I assure you that 9 times out of 10 the passage they referred to was way off base and often inappropriate. Wow. So how do you"thank" someone for that? I eventually managed it, but gosh that was weird.

I was overwhelmed with suddenly having to do the work that Cliff used to do as well as my own responsibilities. So of course some well-meaning but clueless folks decided I needed some large cumbersome house plants to care for. Like having something living would make up for the one who died??? Was that the idea?? It was too much. I eventually gave them to someone who could care for them, and of course felt like a failure for having to do so.

What I am trying to say is that nobody who hasn't been through this is going to understand what you are going through. That includes well-meaning relatives. This is your loss and your journey. Don't let anyone push you into doing what does not feel right.

I am sorry for your loss. It will get easier. Hang in there.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

You are not having a pity party! You are grieving. You have a right to grieve. People, including your family may say things that hurt you. I’m sure they don’t mean to hurt you, but they have not experienced what you are experiencing and they don’t know what to say. No one can tell you how long your grief may last. It could be months or even years. Take your time! Cry your tears! I am a Christian and I know my Savior loves you and wants to help you. I am praying that he will hold you and bring you comfort.