Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Another person has posted here looking for dating advice. Then the same thing happened: people posted advice while some posted how much they disliked her being here, asking for advice from us very hurting individuals.
So, another down and how many to go?
My point is perhaps there needs to be a change in our group description, perhaps stating that people shouldn't come here for dating advice. The way we're going about it now is like trying to kill off every mouse on the planet. It is impossible. Someone is always going to come here seeking help, and we're going to tell them the same thing. Then another one appears shortly thereafter.
Whereas the post have never bothered me--I choose to not read them sometimes as most are clearly title, there are many here who are tired of them and consider them rather painful to read.
So, another down and how many to go?
My point is perhaps there needs to be a change in our group description, perhaps stating that people shouldn't come here for dating advice. The way we're going about it now is like trying to kill off every mouse on the planet. It is impossible. Someone is always going to come here seeking help, and we're going to tell them the same thing. Then another one appears shortly thereafter.
Whereas the post have never bothered me--I choose to not read them sometimes as most are clearly title, there are many here who are tired of them and consider them rather painful to read.
In the law, there is a term called "forum shopping" which seems pretty appropriate here. It's when you try to file your case with a court or judge you think will give you what you want. I think we get a lot of people through here for advice because they want someone to tell them that it will all be okay. The other sites that come up on a Google search don't say that.
The legitimate posters may be hurting pretty badly themselves, so they are blind to what the widowed go through. Heck, most of our friends and families don't understand what we go through! But, yeah, I think we regularly get visited by people trying to stir up trouble.
Unfortunately for the legitimate posters, it would appear that the majority of such people who post here are in crap relationships that aren't going to work out regardless of what we tell them because what's going on has nothing to do with their boyfriend/girlfriend's status as a widower/widow. Being a widow or widower doesn't automatically make you a good person with good intentions. There are people out there who are not nice people who also happen to be widows or widowers.
I've had a couple of ideas about how to handle this. While I like Laura's idea about not responding at all, that never seems to work. Somebody always reads it, gets upset, and responds. And every response sends the post back to the top of the list and also increases the likelihood that Google will find it.
One way would be to do a post with that same title and have the first line state that this is a grief site and please don't ask for dating advice here and to please go elsewhere. It could include links to other sites where legitimate posters could get the advice they seek. The problem is that a warning post like that might be seen as censorship by some in our group.
This issue raises the hackles every single time it comes up. Nowadays when it comes up, I offer advice off the board to decrease the controversy if possible. I've been doing that for a long time now in deference to the newly widowed. I've also suggested other groups here at DS.
I'm not sure what else we can do.