Hi all, Im back from our anniversary. I want to thank all of my friends here on DS for helping through this event. I was dreading our anniversary but spending a week with my son in the place she loved the most was helpful.

Mammoth Lakes was pretty and the weather was perfect. I had lots of memories of our times up here but I did not feel any of the joy. I think that part of what I loved about this place was how much she loved this place. We shared our times here for 40 years, it was one of the first places we went away together, I have never been here without her.
Diana loved to fish so on the day of our anniversary Jeff and I went float tubing in the last spot that Diana and I had. The day was beautiful and the fish were biting like crazy, in just a couple of hours we caught a dozen each. Jeff even caught one of the big trout (we released them all). We were staying at a hotel instead of camping but got a campsite for the day and grilled a couple of nice steaks with potatoes, onions and peppers, which was really awesome. We built a fire and sat around till late at night then packed up and went back to the hotel. There was no breakdown, I was very sad but at peace. I take solace where I find it now.

Normally toward the end of the week we are getting sad because we are going to have to leave this beautiful place and go back home. This time I was counting the days till I COULD go back home. The place is just as pretty as it always is but I find the beauty hollow and without sustenance. I have had some moments of memories that made me smile but mostly I just felt lonely. Perhaps if I had the whole family here like we usually did it would be better. Diana always arranged it and without her it didnt happen this year, I will take it up next year and see if I can be as persuasive as she was.

This week kind of pointed me to the realization that I have to start making new memories, not just attempting to relive the old ones. Its hard because I just want what we had back. One foot in denial still