I agree, its been a year in a half, and everyone expects me to be dating already. I know Ill probably never remarry, nor will I live with someone, too much to risk and give up, especially since I still have a little one at home, and my oldest who I am trying to help. I wouldnt mind dating someone someday, just not today. They say it takes 2 plus years to get beyond our thinking of still being married... Id say by year 3... maybe, but there is no timetable. Heck, Im still hoping that Sean, remembers me when I leave this physical earth...lol. Im sorry for your having to celebrate your husbands heavenly anniversary of his passing. I know all too well how that feels, and I will hit that 1 year 6 months sept 1st.. (sigh), and it sucks. Much love and hugs carla

Thank you Carla for your words of support. No one can get how we feel unless they have been there. I am approaching the one year anniversary of my husbands death (Sept 27) and am dreading it mostly because I fear people will give me even less grace. oh I just noted by reading your post again that you thought I meant yesterday was the anniversary of his passing. I meant it was our wedding anniversary. one year since his passing is still coming up. From what I gather from friends who have lost their spouse, the grief never fully goes away. We just learn to cope with it. I am sorry about your Sean. Hugs to you as well

Hang in there Antoinette. Perhaps I'm looking at this all wrong, but my grief has gone away. What will never go away is the love I shared with my wife of 30 years. I've come to the realization that she wasn't perfect, not a one of us is. But with time, I found myself able to move forward and just let go. I had so many blockages, each one like a seemingly impenetrable barricade, but little by little I've chipped my way through it and now can see a new life unfolding before my very eyes. I guess I had to make the very real and honest acceptance that she was dead and there was nothing I could do to bring her back. And with time, the memories of such a blessed and happy life have been replaced with new love and new memories and new adventures. Let your grief change you for the better. Learn from the pain, the heartache, the depression, the broken heart. Learn how to live life again to its fullest with no regrets. It all will come in its perfect time when you are ready. And there is not a person on this earth that can give you a timetable as to when your broken heart will be mended. You answer only to yourself now girl. Stand strong against the best intentioned advice because not a one of us has a clue, especially those that have not lived through this hellhole of grief we all must pass through. I seen most everything grief could throw at me. I even entered into what I called my "hermit stage" because I had no capacity for drama or well-intentioned advice from people that without a doubt loved me, and many more who had no more to offer than lip-service. You control your destiny. Right, wrong, whatever, you now get to make all the choices. Go with what works for you, and dump whatever and whoever doesn't work. Wow. It's unbelievable what we must go through to find ourselves --- the circumcision of the we to the me. But there ain't no pain relief available -- we just need time, time and more time. But you will endure it and survive it. We all do. We have to. No other choice for any of us. And yes, it really sucks ~~~ Scottie

To date again or not and when is a question that often comes up around here. I've been firmly on both sides of that question over the years since I lost my wife. Each of us has a future unique to us and only we get to decide what's right for us and when we will do it. We can also change our minds during the process. Whatever our choices, we must seek to be our own best friend, be true to ourselves and do what we feel is in our own best interest. Know that this will take work but happiness in this new life is possible and where you find it may just surprise you. It will take whatever time it takes and you alone get to decide what it is that makes you happy. We all must work thru our grief and we alone get to choose what acceptance looks like as well as the good this life has to offer.
Peace, ((hugs)) and eventually, happiness,
~John

My husband of 37 years passed away almost 17 months ago and I know what you're going through. I am floored when people say "I bet you're dating". They see me smiling, getting healthy and they think I'm doing great- moving on- but I'm not. If they could see me though my eyes they'd see my broken heart and sadness that I pray will someday be healed. Praying for you too!