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Anger Over Holidays

laurabp
laurabp
Is anyone else out there angry about the approaching Holiday season? I lost my husband on December 5, 2008. The first year at Christmas I was on autopilot, and last year I was at peace. Thanksgiving however is a different story. Last year was the first Thanksgiving without him, and the memories were painful - he had a stroke two days after the holiday and died about a week later. I was just so ANGRY last year at Thanksgiving! I feel the same anger coming on this year. I don't want to light candles, share memories with others, or any of the great ideas that some of you have mentioned - I just want to cancel the whole stupid holiday! Considering how well I have adjusted to everything else in almost two years since his death, it's odd that this one day is giving me so much trouble, but it is. Has anybody else experienced anger rather than grief over the holidays?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Gene and I never really celebrated the holidays. i usually worked anyway and my kids lived in other states. We did more on New Years eve cause it was our anniversary.
I just want to hibernate til spring. at least
sr419
sr419
I don't feel anger at the holidays, but rather anger at the man that took my husband's life. (Bill was killed by a drunk driver) This man is still free to enjoy the holidays. To date the DA hasn't filed charges. He's stlll reviewing the case I'm told. I'm angry with the legal system too. I've been feeling a lot of self pity this week, but not anger.
sr419
Mgould
Mgould
My husband was dying in ICU last Thanksgiving while my family (mother, sister, and 3 kids) sat at my house and watched TV, etc. while I sat in the hospital alone. My mother had gone down to GA to visit my sister for Thanksgiving the weekend before and they both drove up on Weds when he became so sick. My kids were about to come to the hospital when my mother and sister drove up to the house and told them not to. It still upsets me when I think about it - no one came to see us till 8 that night.

My neighbor has invited us so it will be ok. Haven't asked what my sons plan to do since they both have girl friends I think they may want to spend Thanksgiving with their family - we'll see.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't feel anger, but a deep sadness over the holidays. My husband passed away at 6:00 AM the morning after Christmas almost 3 yrs. ago and his funeral was on his birthday, Dec. 28th. I think he held on until the day after Christmas so we wouldn't have the memory of his death on Christmas day. Two years before my DIL's dad came very close to passing away on Christmas day, his heart stopped twice, and we talked about how horrible that would be for his family to have that memory. It was a miracle he recovered. I have continued to cook and have holidays at my house for my son and his family to try to keep up the traditions mainly for my grandchildren. It is very difficult and my heart really isn't in it, but I am determined to do it. We just have to do what ever brings us the most comfort during difficult times. Take care, Sandra
deleted_user
deleted_user
When we moved to Northern Arizona we really stopped celebrating the holidays. When we lived back East there was a lot of family and friends. Family gone and friends have dropped by the wayside.

I am going to start my own traditions for the holidays, nothing lavish, just small things. Love the smell of bayberry, so will get a bayberry candle. Buy myself a Christmas gift. Hummm Maybe make a Cornish hen for dinner.

I do not hate the holidays, and do not want to be included in someones else's holidays. Then again if I find someone alone at Thanksgiving and or Christmas I will have a dinner.

Hugs

Holly
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have been trying to menatlly prepare myself for the "first" holidays without Bill. I don't feel anger. There will be big family gatherings at others houses. The hardest part will be coming home alone. What I am really dreading is Easter. That was our holdiay and he has always been a great help. The greatest therapy for me has been my 1 year old twin grandaughters. They will be moving to Germany in March. Maybe I will just go to Germany for Easter!

Dar
rene4ever
rene4ever
I don't think I have anger over the holidays. Rene' passed in March and this will be the begining of my firsts. First Thanksgiving without her but I have adult kids and 8 grandkids. Three years ago we had quit having the entire family over and would just make the rounds to each house. Don't know what I'll do this year. Some kids don't get together ever sooo I might have to give in and do the dinner for Thanksgiving. Then our aniversary is Dec 13th then Christmas, then three birthdays, New Years and then four birthdays. What a mess.
Dave
deleted_user
deleted_user
It appears that I'm not the only one feeling anxious and unhappy about the holidays coming up. It's been almost two years, and I'm not coping as well as I did in the first six months. These past 21 months have been a long journey in slow motion.

For those who, like me, are having a hard time, know that you're not alone. There are lots of us out here.
songsofthenight
songsofthenight
lol...the reason I'm laughing is I just got back from the grocery store, saw turkeys on sale, so..yep, you guessed it. I bought one, a small 10+ pounds...got all the fixings to go with it...got home and asked my daughter what they were doing for Thanksgiving, she don't know....oh well, it's just another day to me, not mad, angry or anything I just miss my bigbear and I will on that day also as he loved my cooking. That's what I miss the most, someone to cook for, who appreciates my cooking and loves to eat. I'm not looking forward to the holidays as it's the first one without him but I'll get through it....
michaelbmanning
michaelbmanning
I will try to throw some humor into this discussion. Should anyone happen to be cooking for the Holidays, I have some kids I will gladly lend to anyone. Some of them are bottomless pits, and I am far from a domestic godess.

:) Maggie
deleted_user
deleted_user
Earlier in the loss, i remember being grateful the whole world was not on the same cycle. Maybe this will be one of those times where the anticipation is worse than the event.
laurabp
laurabp
Thank you all for your replies so far, and Maggie, thanks for adding some humor. laurabp
deleted_user
deleted_user
Believe me,I know exactly how you feel.My husband,son,and I used to always go to his mom's house for the Holidays! Now,i am alone and just cry my eyes out at the thought of the holidays.It has been 9 long years and i am still dreading the upcoming Holidays every single year.It never gets better,just a little easier.I am going to try to either go to a friend's house or take myself out for a nice turkey dinner.God will be my company that night.God bless you,it will eventually get easier.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Maybe I should post this on the Faith board...but I feel the commericalism of Christmas and the presures of entertaining people are things we do not want to deal with. I am so happy to be where I am right now and looking forward to once again put Christ back in Christmas. It isn't about the presents..the turkey..the shopping. It is about awaiting a miracle. We all need that miracle. peace...Kaaren