You are not alone. Just this week was the first that I would even discuss options with anyone. My kids are pressing me and I have tentatively decided to go to my daughters. This will be a first. We always celebrated at our home, Thanksgiving and Christmas. I use to joke with Rob though because the kids are in their 30s and unmarried although they've hadong relationships and I was looking forward to Rob and I being waited at their homes at some point. Well, here it is and it will not be at our home. I will never hold the holidays at our home. It is just a house now. I feel like I am full of self pity but it's more anger than anything. No grandkids and I don't care about Christmas or New Year. I hate the thought of Christmas music. It sucks. Hug, Donna

No I havent however I have heard it's quite normal and part of the grieving process to experience anger. I read we all grieve different and I have a feeling there is no time limit or order on how we go thru each step of greiving. I just lost my husband and I know I have a long road ahead of me. Im kind of scared to face all the steps yet in a way looking forward to someday beginning to move forward. Hope this helps. Heartbrokin

I know your feeling of just wishing it would all go away. After 1year, 7 months I'm tired of making the best of it. I'm so sad tonight. I'm reading all of your posts on different topics, and I can't even be
encouraging. Having a pity party. I'm going to our best couple friends house for Thanksgiving - he knew Jerry in grammar school, and was the best man at our wedding. They are our extended family, and every Thanksgiving we spend around their table taking turns on saying what we are thankful for. I know I'm thankful for many things, but right now, I just feel sorry for myself, and don't want to go.

Maybe a change of scenery - doing something different - would help. Being angry is hard on us, I think. I have recently passed the 2nd anniversary of my husband's death - and holidays will always be different. My children have families and sometimes one goes to their in-laws on holidays, and one is with me. We usually all get together at some time to exchange gifts - perhaps the weekend before Christmas. I think if we can try to be thankful that we still have some family to be with, still have a home, food on the table, etc. - that it can change our outlook. We have all been through very sorrowful and painful losses, but we still are blessed in many ways. Wishing you peace for the holidays - Doye

I lost my dear Paul exactly one week after Thanksgiving last year ..so I'm not looking forward to it this year ..if it wasn't for 9 month old grandson I wouldn't be celebrating the holidays at all. I have not really cared for Christmas music.

My worse holiday last year was Thanksgiving, but this year I am looking forward to it. As for Christmas, I would rather crawl in a hole or be on a cruise ship. There is so much hype about Christmas, in addition to people with their phoney smiles, that we have lost the true meaning of the holiday.

I'm not angry. I could just care less.

I'm not angry, just numb. I've never been a holiday person, so that might explain it. My husband was very excited about the holiday, so last year, at the last minute, I threw something together and invited his daughter and family over. I'm glad I did because it was our last one.

I lost my mother right before Thanksgiving, so this isn't the first time I've had to deal with holidays and death. I intend to ignore it. No celebration planned as of now.

Tru

Everything here has happened so fast; Mike's death, the new baby. Now the Holidays. I do not wish to entertain this year and deal with the business associates. I cringe at the thought of how plastic they are. The idea of telling everyone that the new baby has me worn out is sounding good to me. I will have my kids and my dad. That is all I need for the moment.

I had to leave Mike's family a voice mail about the birth of baby Michael. They have not returned my call. I understand Mike's grandmother is not doing well; but pick up the phone people.

Maggie

My husband passed in July and so far I haven't thought too much about how I feel about the holidays. We have been going to our daughters for the past few years and there are so many of us that I will probably get lost in the crowd. What i fear the most is coming home with no one to come home with me. I don't dread the holidays so much just the after effects when I will probably have a major breakdown. We really need to be there for each other at this time so lets all keep posting and boosting each other up. Diane

Our anniversary was 4/25. We found out Cal had to be placed on hospice a few days later. He went on hospice 4/30, my birthday is 5/7 and he died 5/30. It was an awful time. That was in 2008. I still don't look forward to that time of year so I can only imagine how dreadful Thanksgiving is for you. Fortunately, I learned years ago to think of holidays as just another day of the year. It took a long time and it wasn't easy, but it has served me well in recent years. I hope you can eventually find something that will servve you as well.

Maggie, I think if I were you I would just want to be with my children and dad as well. That first Thanksgiving I turned down a lot of invitations, even from my adult son because I just wanted to be alone. You don't need a reason not to celebrate nor do you need to explain anything to anyone. You can always tell people you have other plans if you feel the need to explain.

i feel very stressed at the up coming hoildays.
Danny passed away last June so this will be the first Thanksgiving & Christmas without him.he loved the holidays & enjoyed helping me in the kitchen.
the holidays will be very lonely this year,at least i have my oldest son.

I lost my husband in August, have no idea what to do about the holidays. My son who lives closest hasn't mentioned anything, My neighbor and one of my friends are aghast, They said I can't be alone, come to their homes. In the past one of the churches does a dinner for those who are alone. If this is done this year I might go there. I don't want to intrude on other families and sometimes my son and his family can be thoughtless. My daughter is not around this part of the country.Maybe I will just stay at home, Our grief group says do what your heart tells you and not what others expect of you. If you don't want to be a part of a big family affair. do what ever gives you peace.

memphyl, I almost had to laugh when I read your message. My son and his family live in town but my daughter and her family live 3000 miles away. I've always said the wrong one moved. If I dropped dead in the house my son wouldn't know it unless a friend or neighbor called him.. Two or three weeks can pass without me hearing from him, even if I've phoned him a couple of times in between. I have to agree with your grief group. You have to do what makes you the most comfortable. I don't know why it is people think that being alone is such a terrible thing. I don't think they realize how difficult it can be to be sad and missing your spouse when everyone else around you is either having a fabulous time or walking on egg shells so they don't upset us. I hope and pray that each of us finds their own path for the holidays and will be filled with God's grace and mercy. Sheryl

What I find interesting is those who are aghast at the thought of me spending Thanksgiving/Christmas (although I'm not Christian) alone. Helloooooowww? WTH do you think I do the other 364 days of the year? It's meaningless to me. I have an open invitation with my sweet friend, but to be honest, I'll probably do this year (year 3) the same thing I did the first two. Cook my ass off. Blast Black Sabbath. Watch Top Chef for like 6 hours - it's a Hallmark holiday, Laura. We're Hallmarked and marketed into thinking what it should be, when it's just another day. If you want to cancel it, then cancel it. Your anniversary comes right smack in the middle of the season, which makes it doubly difficult. It may be coming on two years for you, but the feelings are just as intense. It's not odd at all - Hugs, Marsha

I lost my Butch this past June. Everyday is difficult. i have two wonderful friends from childhood who both want me to be at their homes for Thanksgiving and Christmas and I will probably visit both. But the hard thing is the coming home. I still can't stand being in my home without my Butch and everyone else around me seems to have moved on and they don't even talk about him anymore but he is still apart of my every second. I miss him and I don't know what to do. I don't care about the holidays. They mean very little right now.