Like you I cant imagine anyone taking Jacks place he was the love of my life. We were married 43 years but he always told me life is for the living. I just think that he would want me happy so if that means a companion fine if not fine Yo honor his wishes and since I don't know the future I will never say never. It is in My Lords hands with someone or alone I will deal with it as it comes.

I don't think your feelings are abnormal. Although many people find they are more receptive to the idea of a new relationship as time goes by and many find wonderful new relationships--others begin to feel somewhat comfortable in being "single"--we figure out we can do it--and recognize that another relationship won't fill that void for us--you can want the companionship and comraderie without wanting the romantic relationship. I think it's probably a lot more common than we think. How long does it last? I don't know. I haven't felt any desire for a new relationship although I have thought many times about how nice it would be to have someone to share a movie with--have dinner with. I can't say what the future holds--maybe I will feel different at some point down the road--and you may also. I think we just have to go with what our hearts and guts tell us---follow your instincts. There may come a time that one of those "safe" relationships starts to feel differently. I really think the important thing to remember is that each of us has to honor our own feelings--trust our instincts and our hearts--and see what the future holds. Whereever that leads us will be the right path for us as individuals. Warm hugs
Wanda

Just go with the flow of life. We need to find happiness alone before we can be happy with another person. It takes time and work to regain the balance and peace required to be in a relationship. I personally have accepted the fact that my husband has fulfilled his earthly life and I have not. I don't have any preconceived notions of what my life should or shouldn't be. I'm thankful for each day and for what it is. Living only in the present can give you the security of knowing that nothing in the past or the future will change the here and now. I believe that your life will unfold to what is meant to be. Live each day as though everything your heart desires is already yours, because it is!! and if and when another person for you to love and love you is ready to come into your life you will know it because you are fully aware of "what is". We can hope for things but that does not mean they will happen as you hope them to be -- they will be as they are meant to be. Take the pressure off, just live for today! Enjoy the company of your friends male or female and be grateful for having friends to take the edge of your loneliness. Gratitude is the antidote to loneliness and fear.

Well said Lovesjoe

I think if we do not go thru our steps in grief it comes back later to git you.

And we have to learn to find ourselves as just an I now. After being with someone so long you lose you as you are not a we.

Thats when you figure out who you truly are than you are better suited for whom you can than be compatible with.

Being friends with both sexes helps you learn also.
I certainly think its very normal.

You are all so wise. It's true, we have to be true to who we are. For me I needed to discover who I was since my identity was in daughter, wife, mother, and healthcare provider. None of them said who was this person, just the role I played in others lives.

I believe before we can find true happiness we must discover it inside out very being. Some never look for it, but it's there. Sharon

I just went through this same emotion. My lonliness for my husband and the hole in my heart also made it close to transfering those emotions to another person. Then I woke up and realized that I was only looking to fill the lonliness and after 3 weeks of being friends, he said he loved me. But I could not give my heart to another person as I still look for my husband in every face I see. So I explained my grief as best I could and ended our friendship.

Love for another is not the "same" love, but we are all capable of loving another person - the same as your heart expands to find love for all your children. If one child dies, it is not replaced by a new child, because new child has it's own space. So it is then, with another mate - loving and being loved is always good. We should not see love as a measurable comodity but a means of expression and a fulfillment of our humanity.

If you feel further away from a new relationship that is where you're supposed to be. Live in the moment and feel its presence.

Will it change, I hope so. For in change we learn and grow. In the days ahead you may become stronger in your position of independence and have no doubt you are complete with yourself. Then in a heartbeat someone may look into your eyes and you will realize a change that feels right. Sharon