I sure do get this. Even though it will be 3 years in April i still carry Jim with me in my heart and mind. I love to talk about him...it keeps him alive. He may be in the past to others but when I talk about him it brings him into the here and now. You are right other people jut don't understand this. Big Hugs

It has "only" been (almost) 8 months for me - but I THINK I know how you feel. I want to talk about Jeff all the time. I think about him ALL THE TIME. Thankfully, I am starting to be able to talk about him without crying every time but I still sometimes feel like people don't really want to hear...like it makes them uncomfortable. I often wish others would ask me about him more often, or at least make me feel they welcomed hearing about him. It is sad we don't feel we can share as much as we want...(except here! So glad to have DS!)
MJ

I totally get what you are saying. I think of Larry all the time and I like to talk about him. He was my life for 45 years. I had a phone call from an old friend, just this morning. She offered condolances, because she did not know of his passing until recently. I started to talk about him a little, and she cut me right off and said he is with God now, and moved quickly onto other conversation. I was offended. She has not been in my shoes, and she doesn't get it.

Hugs,
Annie

Unless they have been in our shoes they have no idea how much we want and need to talk about them. I found that early on when I brought up my husband they would say something then move on to another conversation. I believe they felt it would hurt me to talk about him, instead it hurt to NOT talk about him. Almost at 11 months now and we do talk about him a lot more...if not daily and I do not breakdown, so I think it eases their mind that it is OK now???
I will talk about Arnie until the day that I join him as he is still a big part of who I am.......................hugs

In my humble opinion you can talk about as much as you like. I am told that people are uncomfortable with us mentioning our spouses, like we will start crying or something. Sometimes I do. Well, if they lived our life, uncomfortable isn't bad. Take care of you, NR, and although they don't understand think of it as education for them. Sharon

I agree with you MJ I want to talk about Dan all the time but people act like like they don't want to hear about it. It has been almost 7months for me but all do is think about him and try to talk about him. I still cry when I talk about him.

I think if there was one person in my life that would just let me do nothing but talk about him it would make it a lot easier on me, but there isn't so I guess I will do what I always do talk to myself.
Now that is crazy.

i've said it before and I'll say it again. I'm not negating 24 years of my life by not talking about Joe, or our life together. I have to say at this point the majority of friends and family (no, pretty much all of them) are not only good with this, but they bring him up spontaneously as well. Not a lot, but when they do, it's just as a part of the conversation. Of course, it took almost 4 years to get to this point (!). Keep talking! Hugs, marsha

My mom said to one of my friends---I think it's so strange that Sallie talks about Stan-----I was pretty pissed off by her comment to say the least. My dad died over 14 years ago and we all talk about him very naturally and often.
Fortunately, my family (excluding Mom), friends, co worker friends all talk about Stan and bring him up in conversation. I talk about him too and it all feels right. The most hurtful thing is to ignore our loved ones memories.

Kathleen,

you just keep on TALKING! You know, I am at a point, where I laugh, I smile I can even listen to others and what they have to say! But I TALK ABOUT GREG CONSTANTLY! And I do see those uncomfortable looks same as you, but you know what/ I ignore them!!! As was said here and so wisely, "they' do not live in our shoes. "They" did not lose part of themselves and have to fight to regain some normalcy.

Right on! that Joe was a part of your life for so many years. The BEST part as you said. Why WOULDN'T you want to talk about that/ If it was your mom or dad no one would have a problem with it bringing up in casual conversation that "mom" like this or that. so why the hec is it always so uncomfortable to hear about the person we lived with day in and day out? they DID exsist, and if there is fear of crying/ I usually say to people that when I cry, mostly they are happy tears because of all I HAD! If they can't deal with that? TOO BAD! ;-)

You keep on talking as much or as little as YOU want!!

BIG HUGS my friend! Diane

Kathleen I agree it is important for us to talk about our spouses....it keeps their memory and the joy that we experienced alive. I could sense the discomfort with my family and friends when I talked about Larry. I went to 2 grief counselling sessions and she suggested I send everyone a general email about how it makes me feel and how important it was to me to keep his memory alive and it has helped so much when I am around everyone. They seem more comfortable listening to me talk about Larry and are always bringing up storys about him too. Go right on talking my friend........Jim will be forever in your heart, Hugs Lu Ann

I agree with everything said. Keep talking. I even talk to the dog about his "Daddy" and my Africian Grey still calls me in his voice and tells him how much he loves him. never be able to forget in this house - and I do not ever want to forget!
I love telling the funny stories!
Valerie

It helps us to talk about our deceased loved one and it is good for us to do so. Whether others understand that or not really can't matter to us as we NEED to talk about them, talk to them (usually when we are alone!), and feel them with us. Others who have not experienced this do not understand and I don't believe that they ever will. But all of us here on DS understand! So keep talking about Joe because he is a part of who you are so you are really sharing part of yourself when you talk about him. Hugs, Gail

I think anyone who has experienced the loss of a spouse can empathize. I'm just at the two-year mark now. I've done some healing, but Arlene is never not on my mind. It's not possible to have a social conversation without talking about her and things we experienced together. Other than things related to my job, it seems nothing worth talking about has happened in my life in the past two years. Wishing you the best. -Jeff

I agree with everyone, and I say keep right on talking about your loved ones, and to heck with what anyone thinks or says.

It has been a little over two years since Brian passed, and I talk about him all the time. Yes, sometimes it makes me cry to talk about him, but most of the time it makes me smile. I have been in situations where I will bring up Brian's name, and people will look uncomfortable and then quickly change the subject. If it makes them uncomfortable to talk about my husband, then they shouldn't talk to me. I am not going to pretend that Brian never existed. The happiest 10 years of my life were spent with him, and I am going to talk about him. Fortunately, my immediate family gets it. They loved Brian dearly, and they like to talk about him as much as I do.
Susan

I so very much know how you feel. My John has been gone for two years, and I think about him all day and, during the night, too, when I cannot sleep. How could we not think about them all the time when they were so much a part of our lives? I talk about John all the time, and know I will for the rest of my life. Until someone loses their partner in life, they just cannot understand. It is like anything else, you have to had the experience to understand. Keeping you and others on this site in my thoughts and prayers - I know we are all hurting. Roxanne