I'm so sorry you lost your soulmate, the one who made you feel whole. I know the feeling, as I felt it, too, so deeply and raw especially in the first few months. We are thrust into a world we know nothing about.....being alone.....after sharing life in a way we never have shared life before. The pain is great and the feeling of isolation is overwhelming. People say "get involved" in things and that is not what you want to hear....you want your old life back. I know exactly how you feel. After a while, I made myself "get involved" and discovered that I really liked being involved. It was the only thing that kept me sane. That and coming here and sharing. I joined a new church, volunteered at the animal shelter and other places. I became very involved with my (at the time) 3-yr old grandson's care (after school/daycare). I began to get used to being alone and found that it was up to me to make a life. You say you are a vegan. There are so many health food stores now, places where people gather, talk over recipes, etc. Would you live to do that? You might meet other vegans there for friendship. There is no easy answer. But please, in time, make the effort to get out. Right now, you must just take care of yourself, as you are so wounded in the early days. Sleep as much as you need, cry as much as you feel compelled to do, try to eat some fresh foods each day. And keep in touch with friends in your community and online here at DS. This site helped me maintain my sanity when I felt it slipping badly. These friends are the best I've ever had! Warm hugs going out to you!

I love what newroads had to say and I think its correct. However, don't feel too special, I am a total misfit too! That is what my Don loved about me. He did not mind at all that I am not one of those "one size fits all" kind of person. My awkward antics seemed to tickle him right to the core. My absentminded distracted actions like carrying a towel around the house for 30 minutes and passing by the laundry basket no less than 3 times and still forgetting to dump it in would have him laughing so hard. I would be thinking now why is he laughing? Then I would realize what I had done I would have to laugh too. We laughed a lot together and I miss that the most. Yeah, I am a misfit and my Don helped me to realize that is what makes me special and he helped me feel ok with it. Like you I have no children and became an Auntie to other peoples children and they have grown up now with families of their own. Most of the people I know have not lost a spouse and do not relate to my loss. So how do I cope? I just try to take one day at a time. I try really hard to not become too despondent but some days are so tough. I have been on the down side of my roller coaster ride so I am starting a new grief support group tonight. I have already taken two grief classes and those were back to back about a month after Don died. The groups plus reading some books did help me through those first few months. Now I think I need the extra help again. I don't know but I might need an antidepressant too. I am going to follow up with my grief counselor on that. Coming here to DS has helped a lot too. Don't be shy about being a misfit, there are plenty of us here to share with. Take care of you.

I kinda know what you are saying. Being a vegetarian here in Nevada is sort of a novelty. I get looks and reactions like I'm some sort of oddball for not eating meat. Like I somehow un american for doing so. But the trend in this country is really changing. I find fewer thinking I'm odd than a few years ago. One think is try the vegetarians and vegans group here. We're nor the only ones out by a long shot.Some nice people there and good for some support if nobody in your area seems to understand.

Hi. My husband was certainly the grounding, stabilizing force in my life and the only one to take care of me that really cared. Now I'm an orphan of sorts. My parents are gone, I've no siblings, no kids. My husband was my only family. Oh, I have his family I keep in touch with, and I have cousins in another part of the country. I'm pretty much on my own. It's tough, but I've been led and taken care of this far in life. I'm used to having someone around. My husband said a little while before he passed that I'd find someone else.

He was the big meat eater, so I tended to eat more of it while he was alive. Since he passed, and I resumed my old diet, I lost about 25# and am down to the weight I was when he and I first met. Too much of it (and it doesn't take much) is simply not healthy.

Don't feel too badly. You are not a misfit, you are just different and different is what makes this world interesting. Although I can relate a little to how you feel. I have my siblings so I am lucky in that respect, but I have no aunts or uncles or cousins. And I have no children and my soul mate is dead. Almost every single friend of mine has children and are married and none have lost anyone to death. So I understand how you feel about feeling different than others. But at least here you are amongst those who share a common bond with you. Not one we would choose to share, but a common one nonetheless. Embrace your differentness, it makes you the special person that you are....and one that your T loved. xo

Well, I don't think you are a misfit. I do understand your feelings, without going into all the gruesome details let me just say my husband was the first person in my life that made me feel I had any worth. While I have a mother and several brothers, I would be better off if I did not as they offer no support to the point where for my own sanity I have decided to stop seeing them. You are unique and that is a good thing. You have found this website for support while you piece yourself back together after your tremendous loss. That is a good thing. I know for me, I never thought of my husband as my soulmate, never used that term but I certainly never imagined my life without him in it. So, a major adjustment is what I have been trying to do. Friends, not really I learned not to trust at a very early age and except for my husband I never really got around to learning to trust to many people and let them into my life. That may be something you and I have in common that we have to unlearn. If we try hard enough I am sure we can find some friends out there and then we won't feel quite like we don't fit in so much.

Hey Pseudo, I just noticed there's a vegetarian group on DS - Vege Heads - for vegetarians or those who just want to know more about it. Recipes, info and whatnot. Just a suggestion.

I'm an only child, mother deceased, introverted. Can go for days without speaking to a soul and enjoy the solitude. I'm childfree by choice too. Misfit? Never thought of it that way, but ive always walked to my own beat and wouldn't have it any other way.

Forgot to add I'm a part time vegetarian --meaning ill go months without eating meat and would never touch most of it.

Misfit . It depends on the angle, and from some peoples perception perhaps I am a misfit, different. However, I personally view my difference from others as my individuality. I like being a non-conformist, and I try to avoid being generic.
I can relate to your feeling being different from the age cohort though. I do not have large family either, no grandchildren, etc. I feel sad when I see big family gatherings in some sentimental TV commercials and in movies. Seeing lots of cars parked near my neighbors houses during holidays makes me feel sad. But that is life I had chosen for me, and I learned to accept this.
Frankly, I have more reasons to feel like a misfit, but I reject the idea to label myself this way.
Being a self-directed individual, with my own views, and preferences, I still have always managed to connect with folks from different walks of life. Perhaps, because I love people, and because I approach them with genuineness, they tend overlook our differences, my accent, even accept my unconventional way of expressing my thoughts.
I wish you find in your new ways to reach out, get to know others, and learn to find similarities. We are humans, and the quality of our human connections determines the quality of our lives. Especially, now when your soul mate is gone, reconnecting, and building friendships is critical.

Im still trying to figure it out and its been almost a year.

No misfits - just those who hear a different tune and dance to it.

When Bob died my total support system went w/him leaving me shattered, no self worth/self esteem ...
Like a big red "L" for loser was stamped on my forehead ...
As you go through the grief process, you may want to work on building self confidence ...
It will be beneficial in realizing your true self, potential & honor your sophrosyne ...
[[[HUGS]]]

People have called me a hippie rebel. So was my husband. We are not the hippie couple any more. And no, I am not a substance user. I eat meat occasionally when I need extra protein. But nobody notices. Us "misfits" are brave and creative. We have an important place in society!

This reminds me of a post I read my Christmas w/out Bob ...
It was titled the "Island of Misfits" ...
As in Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer ...
Brings to mind the Jack in Box, Lion w/wings, Hermey, etc ...