Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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NewRoadsForMe 03/31/2013

Hi, everybody. I hope you all had a day with someone you love. For me,I was all alone all day. The loneliness got to me. I actually went to bed this afternoon hoping to sleep off the hours just to get rid of them.

My son and family were busy with friends. My daughter and family were at her in-laws.

I went to church alone. Was surrounded by families and couples. Didn't see anyone else all alone, just me. Many people said HI to me but moved on with their families. After church I went to a cafeteria to eat. I stood in line for 30 minutes waiting to get up to the ordering place. All around me were families and couples. I saw only one other person who appeared to be all alon (a man). I enjoyed the food very much. But no conversation with anyone. Just munch, munch, munch, all alone.

Loneliness is a big problem with me even though I have days with other people around me some. But the endless hours at home alone, at church alone, shopping alone, seeing a movie alone, dining out alone make me so very sad.

How did you all spend your days today, Easter?

deleted_user 03/31/2013

I totally sympathize, I was alone also, didn't even get a call from anyone saying happy Easter. I think maybe people that aren't on the path we are on are uncomfortable being around us. I am sorry you were alone, It isn't much fun, but I do know how you feel, for what its worth. Hugs, Jim.

silverfoxwife 03/31/2013

I am very sorry you are all alone today. It is very hard on holidays for us if our family does not include us in their activities. Maybe next time you could host an Easter brunch with your children to bring company to your home so you wouldn't be alone. Just a suggestion. I sometimes invite my children and grandchildren to dinner so we could be together.

My younger daughter and her husband hosted a breakfast for her sister's family and included me so I am thankful. She also prepared a lot of treats and toys for her nephews to hunt around her house. Hugs to you.

edithbathgate 03/31/2013

Well, I was alone all day too. My plan was to go to the park and have my own private prayer and meditation time, but it was rainy her this morning. Then a starling had gotten into my house yesterday and although I eventually flew out a window I opened, before he did he knocked something into my toilet that I could not get out. I don't know what it was but the darn thing kept flushing slower and slower. I pulled it up and tried to clear it out from the bottem but I couldn't so I went to Lowes and bought a new one, and a new sink to boot! I got the toilet installed and then I had one of life's "bleachable moments,"as the Clorox people say. So by then I was too tired to do any thing but shower and eat a salad. I hope someone gets a laugh out of this. I was alone - but occupied!

gerald222 03/31/2013

I am sorry the loneliness got to you today. I am fortunate I have a 19 year old dgt that still lives with me and a huge shepherd/lab dog that I adore. However when my dgt is out for the day or eve and I am home alone I often think this is my new reality and how I am going to deal with it. At this point I very much need quiet time for myself to grieve. As time passes I likely will reach out more with volunteering etc but this still will not replace the fact you were once a couple and you arent anymore. When I am out and see the couples you mention I tell myself you had 22 years like that you can treasure in your heart. I spent a very quiet Easter which was fine. Church always lifts my spirits even on the darkest days.
My dgt is still very much grieving the loss of her mom and I respect that. I am truly sorry you carry sadness today but I still want to wish you peace during this Easter season. Gerald

deleted_user 03/31/2013

It is hard to be so much alone. The house has a very different emptiness than it did when I was alone before my husband died. I understand what you mean, i also spent the day alone but did get some phone calls checking in on me. My sister had actually invited me for dinner but I thought I would do better by myself today and I think I did- this was my first holiday alone. Tomorrow I go back to work for the first time so my days will not be spent alone as they have been for the last two months. I am hoping that helps because this loneliness is so overwhelming. Anyway this lonely day is almost over, NewRoads, so we can cross another day off. Hope tomorrow is a bit less lonely for you as it will not be a holiday to get through. I'm always a little less lonely when I check in here at DS. Hope that gives you comfort also. -Deb

sandeestttn 03/31/2013

I was alone also, no phone call, no visits.... my kids were at their in-laws, my daughters mother-in-law died about 2 1/2 years ago, so they take his dad out to eat, so he won't have to be alone on the holidays...what would have been so bad, as to invite me also?....I started to go to church, then had a meltdown....I did go to the cemetary, alone.....I wish I had a job to go to, but this aloness is 24/7

deleted_user 03/31/2013

As I read your words I felt your lonliness. I'm so sorry you were alone today. Holidays are usually spent with family and to be alone just pulls you down and makes you so sad. It's nice to be included.

I actually was sick today so I ended up being alone and slept 4 hours. I did have plans but I didn't want to get anyone sick. My husband and I always hosted Easter dinner every year. My heart hasn't been into it but today I missed it.

Family and friends have no clue how we feel. It's tough enough feeling alone since we lost out spouse. It hurts even more when we are not included especially on a holiday. Hang in there.
Hugs
Laurie

deleted_user 03/31/2013

I'm sorry you had to endure this. I spent the day with some friends, a married couple of a divorcee and a widower. They get me. The thing about this site is that the experiences of others may well be something we have to endure also.
Take care and Happy Easter!

deleted_user 03/31/2013

Im so sorry for everyones pain and loneliness.I was at my darling Jeffs parents house today.He has 3 brothers,It was almost painful to look at them,they are all so handsom just like jeff.Everyone is reaching out to me and I know it helps but I am still so lonley.I come home to a sad lonley house.I have a table of pictures,love notes and flowers.I feel like I have been kicked in the heart.I was (am) so in love with him.How is it possible to get through this?I dont think I am one of the strong that can make it through this pain.

sandeestttn 03/31/2013

dawn.... we alll feel that way.... tomorrow will be 7 weeks for me.....Noone is strong enough for what we are going through... a church sign said... what God leads you to... He will get you through...hang in there.... hugs

jewells1 03/31/2013

Well for the first time today, I am not alone. Hello everyone. My day was also just me and the dog. I did get a couple calls but no one mentioned coming over except a friend. By ten I was already not good company for anyone. It's hard not to feel included. Even my daughter and family, celebrated yesterday, wHich she told me about today. " Well it was spur of the moment." Since I have no other children than her, it did hurt quite a bit. So I pulled up the Passion Of Christ and then watched the Bible on history Channel til 10 pm. Hoping for sleep soon.

Shrn 04/01/2013

I do remember those days. Even the ones spent with my family I felt very alone. It's a lonely life we are left with and, for me, one of the hardest. Know you are in my prayers this day. Sharon

alwaysafraid61 04/01/2013

I spent the morning alone crying my eyes out while my daughter had gone to church & breakfast with her boyfriend, she invited me to go but I just didn't feel like I would have been good company this morning & then when she got home I pulled myself together & got ready to go have dinner with my mother who is 83 & has beginning stages of Alzheimer's so I feel it's important to spend as much as I can with her right now while she's still aware of things, she really enjoyed having the family over for dinner so that made me feel good & I'm glad I got myself together & went. Well everyone another dreaded holiday behind us & we all survived it, so I guess that's something right? (((Hugs to you all))......................Kim

deleted_user 04/01/2013

i was lucky and spent much of the day today with my daughter, granddaughter, and son-in-law. i have to admit, though, that i felt sad almost the whole time i was at their house. i kept looking beside me on the couch where i knew dh would have been sitting. it amazes me how alone i feel - even when around people. i can so relate to what dawn was describing. i can feel your pain, dawn. i came home from my daughter's house and went to sleep. when i woke up all i could do was cry. i am so sad i can't even begin to describe it. i know this sadness will never leave me. not until i am with dh again. for now, i just go through the motions of living. just getting by. that's about all i can do for now.
i wish you all the best.
debby

sandeestttn 04/01/2013

7 weeks for me today.... I after spending the day alone, I fell asleep, woke up at 8:30 pm.... and of course, tossed and turned all night. My oldest son was here and woke me up at 6 am... with the coffee made. I was so happy to see him, he was on his way to work...So, after a few minutes with him here. I have another lonely day... all day, and my car plates were up yesterday......dern....

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