Hi , dont put pressure on yourself to expect you would be further along , be kind to yourself and take care. I lost the love of my life over three years ago and you know i to find life a struggle living without him being here , watching our son grow up without his daddy. You are not alone on your journey my friend :)

I have recently purchased and am reading the book "Second Firsts". It is a newer book and I really find strength in it. The woman lost her young husband and she had 2 small daughters, similar to my story. I find it very affirming and also gives real strategies to try. It would not hurt to look through it.

Keep the faith. We have been brainwashed by society into thinking there is some kind of way or condition we are supposed to be in as the years pass. I learned in grief support that grief itself is a lifelong process. Not that we can't handle it, but we do find a way to intertwine our loss into our daily life without it impacting our quality of life.

My husband has been gone 5 years. I do not expect anything of myself as my life forward is what I make it. And I really don't care about the opinion of others. It was my life, and it was my loss, not their own.

Please stop being so hard on yourself and expecting to be a certain way at a certain timeframe. Just handle the day's events as they come along. Cry, scream, whatever, if you need to. We will always have that hole in our heart that no one and nothing can fill except the one we lost.

I feel the exact same way as you do. Nicker07, I am at almost 3 yrs and it still hurts every day. I think I haven't accepted it..... maybe. I am trying to figure out where I am going wrong, and what to do about all this grief. I feel like there has to be a "key" or something that will open the door to a new life. Just another hurtle go get over. So far this is all there is to my life, and I don't like it at all.

I wish there was a guidebook to get us through this and let it stick and not keep haunting us. Does anyone have a answer for us?
Hugs & peace,
JoAnn