been there, done that... my daughter-in-law made me stay there all day. She said I wasn't a yo-yo anymore. It was scary. but I did it. It does get better...at 4 1/2 months. I take my chances anymore.

I have been gradually increasing my time outside. I have been taking our dog outside for walks where I would not usually take him. I was realizing that I was letting my anxiety take control of me more than it has ever done before. I have always had a great deal of anxiety, but since my wife passed it has increased to a greater degree, but it is something I have to learn how to control myself before it gets out of hand. I do have a great deal of fear and have anxiety about many other things apart from being around people. I find I have no trust in people anymore, only a select few, but even then I question everything they tell me.

If I do go out by myself without my dog, I find I have to wear my headphones, regardless if I am listening to music or not. I don't want people talking to me. Also now I wear sunglasses all the time now that it is summer, this also seems to give me some form of barrier between myself and the outside world. I hope that makes sense.

Yes- it does make sence to me... I am trying to sike myself up to go see the boys over the 4th of july, maybe walk thru the small carnival in the town I grew up in, its only 40 mins away, I would likely run into people that I know, or that knew me and Norm...but there is a part of me that sees the reaction people have when they see me, I have lost about 25lbs, and aged about 20 yrrs in the last few months...all the stress has caught up with me, and I have no desire to do much about it, and really what can I do about it??? When people look at me they seem shocked by my appearance, I feel like they know I am not in my rite mind...perhaps knowing that I am not in my rite mind makes me have this fear of going off my regiment...(on a better note - Scouserboots-I am glad to hear you are walking your dog!!)

I'm not a doctor, but this sounds like a mild case of PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder), and totally understandable under the circumstances. If you are already being treated for anxiety and depression, you should be sure to talk with your doctor about these feelings -- if you haven't already.

Iunderstand where you are coming from, I am only in the very early stages of grieving,and am award of the pitfalls of falling into that hole.Unfortunately my Mum is being taken to the E.R. this afternoon and I want to be there for her,but am finding it very difficult to return to the hospital where my husband spent so much time having treatment over the last few years.I know that I must go though.

I think when you lose a spouse it's natural that you lose confidence in the world generally. Those things you never gave thought to previously like "could the house catch fire when I am out?" start to appear.

My suggestion is to talk to your doctor - it is just possible that the meds are causing this - yes I know they are supposed make you less anxious but some anti-anxiety meds and depression meds can have these effects in a small number of people.

Other than that my suggestion would be to try and regain confidence by making litle short trips preferably to somewhere you enjoy to start to prove to that part of your brain that thinks more disasters are on the way that it's going to be alright.

Also I'd start building contingency plans - think about what you might do if the car does breakdown (e.g get numbers for breakdown service, join AAA) so that you have something in place and don't need to worry so much.

all the best

I have at the beginning of my grieving, for the first few weeks after my beloved husband passed away, I was reluctant to leave my house. I had always known that my husband was my strength and shield, my protector against the outside world. I felt stripped of all protection and exceedingly vulnerable.

After six weeks, and probably in reaction to all my early cocooning, I embarked in a mad quest to achieve, on my own, all the plans we had together. I crammed in intensive travelling from one country to another (my family is scattered all over the place in the world), I was like a busy bee zooming all over the place and, of course, as I said in a previous post it ended up in tears and desolation for me.

So now, I know that we go on this hard grieving road in our own way, learning every day as we slowly rebuild ourselves without the security of having our partner by our side. Take your time - says the busy bee ;) - , we suffer from fear of the outside world but it is not the world which has changed, it is us. We are feeling scared and unprotected but in time, our courage will rally and we will arm ourselves to enter again the same old world but without our strength and shield by ourselves.

Don't despair, in time, I am sure we will get there in one piece.

Big hugs. Viviane

It's a common reaction, but I do agree with Mark and John that you should talk to your doctor about it because part of that may be the medications you are on. I am one of the "small number of people" who has had a negative reaction to a medication that was supposed to do the opposite. I wound up arguing with myself because the medication gave me suicidal thoughts when I knew full well that there was no way in hell I was suicidal. So please talk with your doctor about it.

As a practical matter, I would also strongly suggest you get a AAA membership. My sister gave me one as a gift after Cliff died (she worried about me!), and it came in very handy. I did have a couple of car breakdowns - dead battery, flat tire, etc. - and all I had to do was call AAA on my cell phone and they came and fixed it, and I got home safe and sound. It was worth it for my peace of mind, as well as my sister's and my kids'. And AAA always asks if you are broken down in a safe place or not, and tell you how long it will take to reach you. They won't leave you stranded.

The anxiety and fear should ease up. If it does not, and your meds have been ruled out as a cause, then you may need counseling to help you cope with it and resolve it. Are you getting any counseling? I did, and it helped me a lot.

Hope this helps...

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I lost 50 pounds the first month, it does seem to age you. I am finally putting it back on, and filling out the wrinkles some. I do this facial every few days, makes you feel better, tightens the skin, and makes the wrinkles less noticeable.

Mash one avocado (peel and deseed), mix a small plain yogurt cup with and 2 tablespoons of honey, mash well together, put on face and neck.... wait 20 minutes to an hour, rinse off, put a drop of olive oil, rub into face and neck. Cheap, and works for me..

I actually did my whole body with this, got in the shower and rinsed it off, felt so good.

I have some of that, with my job I'm constantly talking to people no choice.
I hate goint anywhere else, but I go with family and friends when I can.I get depressed whenever I get back home so it makes me not want to leave again.
I haven't been able to go to the dr yet, I have a panic attack just thinking about making the appt. I know I need some help with anxiety and some depression. I'm still having problems sleeping and with nightmares.
Good news is I'm not drinking like I was or eating my feelings like I was. That has gone back to my normal ways.

I go out almost everyday to the store or bank etc. And I go out with friends or family to movies or dinner, but I am always eager to get back to my house. I guess home is where I feel closest to Mike and I am very comfortable here......HUGs to All....Lin

i have found that as well. Although never really an on the go type, my routine keeps me focused. Over time i have added things to my routine and although my life is still regimented, i like it. work, exercise at the fitness center, walk the dog, grocery store...i will fit in time with my daughter and have gone on a date here and there. It feels safe to know you have a routine. I also saw my doctor after my husband's long bout with cancer and his dying, took anti anxiety meds and they still are near if i need them. Talking about it here and with your doctor does help. Perhaps in time you can add one item to your routine. At 47 I have felt in mid life crisis, menopause, and widhood and confused and anxious and lonesome....we all seem to feel this rollercoaster of emotions and its good to be able to look here for encouragement and knowing that we are not alone in our feelings. You are not

Becoming a widow is life altering event, and we coping with that change differently, yet there are some commonalities. Feeling less protected is one of them, less protected as far as being competent in dealing with some life issues, physically, particularly for a woman, and ,sometimes, financially.
As far as anxiety and depression, my doctor was ready to prescribe me a variety of meds, but I told him, that I was not sick, I was in acute grieving, and my heart is aching, because I bereaved. I agreed only on taking some pills for my insomnia, but even those pills were making things worse.
I always loved my home, actually like being at home alone, and find plenty of things to do here, or just relaxing thinking about something.
In my case it is not an escape from life outside of my walls, but just a part of living, actually an enjoyable part. Being alone I reserve my energy because I work with people, and have to project energy and positive attitude, so I need my time alone to keep my balance between being social and being private.

It is my understanding that you are concerned about your desire to isolate yourself. Perhaps, your condition of being overly vigilant, anticipating something terrible to happen when you are out is f the side effects' description of some medications.
Maybe walking with your dog will help you?