I'm your age, living alone for the first time in my life, widowed 10 months ago. My Lucy-cat (companion-therapist) just was diagnosed with cancer. Plus with my own mobility/disability problems, life can be extremely overwhelming.
I've fallen twice since my beloved husband passed away, needed surgery first time.
I'd definitely recommend that you get a Medical Alert Alarm to wear, if it will give you some comforting reassurance. I've had one since last September. But also have a close friend or neighbor to call just in case, and give her/him your house key.
You are not alone, we are often worried/stressed/uneasy, but keep the faith. The wonderful, caring DS group is a blessing!
Hugs to you, Nancy

My heart goes out to you as I have the same fears.

I am younger but had a serious illness last year and now I overreact at any physical symptom.

Thanks to you both for helping me feel like I'm not losing it.

Nancy, I am so sorry to hear about Lucy's diagnosis. I am owned by four cats ranging from about 8 to 18 and a Beagle around 7-8. I know how important a part they can play in one's life. I will add Lucy to my prayers.

I had a rep from Lifeline at the house last Friday to upgrade my mom's med alert system (she's 91 and lives downstairs) and discuss getting one for myself. I jokingly call them Old Fart Alarms, but I had my 72nd b'day on the 16, so I guess I qualify!

This living alone does take some getting used to. I was widowed on April 5, so I guess having a case of the heebie-jeebies is predictable at this point.

Thanks again for your support.

I am only 49 and also living alone for the first time. My wonderful husband died of a sudden heart attack in his sleep and I worry if the same thing happened to me, how long would it take someone to notice? I fall alot due to back problems. I broke my leg in a parking lot just turning the wrong way and fell down. At that time, I had friends with me. But what about the next time? So I too worry about those things being alone. Only thing I can do is keep my cell phone close.

Maybe you should consider a service such as Life Alert. It's worth the peace of mind.

Hi there i feel the same way you do. I think the stress we feel just adds to our health problems but there is not we can do cause it is related to fear and that not easy to dismiss take care hugs lynne

Thanks for all the responses. I guess keeping the cell phone nearby and picking up a med alert service are good practical ideas. They can connect us with help if we need it, but I doubt that will keep me from worrying about what might happen. I have no one who lives nearby to whom I can give a key. In addition to the Lifeline/Life Alert type of service, I'm also looking into having a secure keybox installed outside the house so that first responders can get in without hacking through a door. Then the worry becomes.....what happens if my strictly indoor pets escape. Yikes....I'm giving myself a headache!

I couldn't help but identify...because of the falls Frank had I am terrified of even myself falling in a sense..i am only 42 but it has opened my mind to how fragile we are....also I wonder how I ever gave him that last shower....was I crazy? But he felt good after, I put a gel pad and plenty of slip mats in the bath and a friend stayed nearby in case he fell. BUT I BELIEVE that panic IS THE ENEMY...and all we can do is take precautions....the Medic Alert thing my neighbor has is great.....and also I always gave keys to certain friends so I could call them...and that worked out GREAT....and very handy to even bring a cell phone into the bathroom and place nearby....lots of slip mats in shower/bath are sooooo important......I cannot stress enough...I heard most people slip this way and it is a very difficult spot to get out of ...if you shower is in your bathtub....ALSO good mats for stepping out onto floor onto!!!! :)))))) This is where most can take a fall.
Also, mats are carpets can help break a fall. :)))

It is not just a "certain age" for having a fear of illness. I am 37 widowed now for almost 2 years my husband was diagnosed with LC given 2 months to live and was gone at the age of 47.
It took me more than 1 year before I stepped foot into our doctors office for a check up because I just knew something would be wrong. I have a friend who lived with illness for years, also a young widow and a year ago, you would have thought this person had one foot in the grave if a sniffle occurred and wanted to rush to the ER. The fact is the spouse had to be so careful and wanted to be at the doctors it effected the home. My friend is much better now.

I have a feeling much of this major feeling will pass at some point; however, the psychological residue of the tragedy in which we were touched by will always linger. Keeping this in mind we can try to sort things out so we don't make ourselves ill in the process.

~CB

Within a year and a half after my husband died, I was diagnosed with a pretty bad blood disorder, needed multiple surgeries and broke 3 bones.
So, no it is not unusual to be worried about this. I hope that you have good insurance, and get checkups.
It is very common that after you go through such a traumatic loss, that it takes a direct physical toll on your body, I did not find this out until it was almost too late. Take good care of yourself, and take supplements!
G-

I am somewhat concerned;however, my son and his family live only a mile away......wlthough we don't talk every day..............did have some concern when I fell just turning around getting into bed one night..........got kind of wedged in between a table and the wall.......laid there a few minutes and thought....now how the hick do I get up..............and to boot, I had no clothes on my bod..........eeeek............hadve knee replacements so not easy getting up to say the least...................medical alert sounds like a plan; however, as clumsy as I can be some days.............it would probably go off for no reason..........***................L

I understand where you are coming from. I have though the same thing. If you get sick who is there for YOU now? I know it's a scary thing.

I am a bit younger, but it took me a long time to even go for a checkup. Been almost 16 months and I had my first since 1 year before Greg passed, so it's been way over 2 years. Part of me after the beginning of the loss didn't care, and part of me wouldn't want to know I guess.

I think the life alert is a GREAT IDEA. My MIL has one. Just got it. she's 86 and determined to live on her own still even though there are health concerns, so life alert not only gives her peace of mind, but the rest of us too!!!

Hugs of understanding and hopes it does not happen to you and any here. We have had enough worries. Love, Diane

Yes, I have those fears, too. I was terrified of having to have surgery without my Joe by my side. But the day came when I did have surgery with my son standing by me. It was OK! As long as I had LOVE around me, I was OK. I did survive.

One of the saddest things I ever witnessed was when I was in the holding stall for surgery (years ago) and I heard the nurse behind the curtain next to me say, "We're ready for your surgery for quadruple bypass. Are we waiting for your family to get here?" And he said, "No, no one is coming." I'll never forget that some people do it ALL ALONE and they survive. I have been given strength by this old, frail man.

As far as the toll on the human body, I was reduced to a mere walking blob of flesh and bone during the last year of Joe's battle against lung cancer. After he died, I became so sick because my immune system was wiped out. Now, after 2 years and the grieving that I have been going through, I see I have aged incredibly at a much faster rate than ever before. It is reality that going through a catastropic illness of a spouse is traumatic, and then the death, which hits us like a ton of bricks.

I say to myself, "It is what it is." Worrying about being alone will not change the fact in any way that we may suffer eventually. But we will survive! If you are loved in any way by any person, and always loved by God, we can survive and be stronger for it.

I have a long term illness that makes me vulnerable to falls,etc. When I was less comfortable in my illness I had a medic alert necklace which was especially comforting when my husband had to travel for business. I no longer have a button, but since his death, I have sort of a security system. I have two friends that I email before 10 am each morning -- if they don't hear from me they call. I always have my phone - house or cell nearby and put one on the floor outside the shower when I'm in there.

Lastly, the neighbors watch my newspapers and my car. If the papers aren't picked up by what they think is the right time, they call "just to chat" and if the car doesn't move for a few days, the neighbor on the other side checks in "to see if I need anything". By the way, they're all in their eighties - checking up on the "kid"!

WOW! My post has really struck a chord. I'm not happy that so many peeps share my fears, but it's good to know I'm not alone in this. I'm going to do a quick response to each of you in this one reply even though there's so much more I could say.

To goldenearrings....I had to smile at your post because my mom was in a similar situation several years ago when she fell and got wedged between the toilet and tub....on her frail knees with upper torso in the tub. Her nightgown had pulled up over her butt, and she was embarrassed to press her med alert pendant because she didn't want to be seen by first responders. She lay there for a couple of hours before being able to drag herself inch by inch into the bedroom to call me. Vanity, they name is woman, huh? I'd probably do the same thing!
PS She spent overnight in the hospital and 12 days in rehab to get walking again.

To Diane: OMG! I'm procrastinating about my annual physical too. My doc's office usually reminds me, but they're either late or missed it somehow. And I'm not calling to jog their memory. It's true that Denial is not just a river in Egypt!

To NewRoads: Having surgery of any kind has always been a terror for me to think about since I've never had anything done as an in-patient. I can ID with the man who had no one coming to be there for his surgery because I have no kids, no sibs and just a handful of close friends. I have decided if surgery is ever needed, I will hire a private "hospital sitter" thru a friend who works in home care. I'd rather have a sympathetic stranger holding my hand than no one at all. And don't even get me started on aging dramatically almost overnight. Trust me, you are not wrinkling alone!

To Lucy: How wonderful to have such a supportive "security network" in place. If everyone were as lucky to have so many people who care, the med alert companies would go out of business. LOVE that the oldsters are checking up on "the kid"!

Again, thanks to all who supplied understanding, empathy, support and advice. If this response to several peeps in one post is not advisable, please let me know.

Love and Hugs to All....Juanita