Only you can make that decision... Keep in mind that you like I and others going through this are Vulnerable... Ours was 47 years, yours was 50.. Making decisions about this right now is probably a bad idea.. I counsel waiting.. for me, there can be no other and will not be.. But only you can make that decision..

It's been 10 months for me but I agree with you. We were together 40 years before she passed. I miss having someone to talk with and would like to meet a widow that would like to have an occasional dinner or maybe see a movie. I feel so self conscience when I go to a restaurant and say table for one. I just don't know how to meet anyone anymore it's been so long. I don't know if I would have felt this way at 4 months so can't answer if that is too soon but at 10 months I feel the need for adult conversation. And like you conversation and friendship is all that's important right now.

First let me say so sorry for your loss. You're not a horrible person at all for wanting companionship. I also understand not wanting to tell anyone because of what they'd think/feel/say. My DH passed 17 months ago and I like you aren't trying to replace him, however I do have a man whom I love. I just now have started to tell certain people about him,

As far as online dating I say go for it because as I say to others meeting people IRL of course has drawbacks and pitfalls too, so I say go for it! You just have to vet them very carefully and by NO means if they ask for money RUN because 99.99% it's a scam; I speak from experience.

My take on this is that we only have one life and we are only here on earth for X amount of years and yes we've lost a spouse but we have to move on and keep living and if that means having a companion, falling in love, whatever the case may be than if we feel that's what we want to do we should do it! Of course there'll always be a least one person or more that'll probably say "what are you doing?", "they have even been gone that long", "you didn't really love them", and whatever else they'll throw your way, however you know what she meant to you and at the end of the day that's all that matters. She'll always hold a special place in your heart!

Thanks for the advice. It helps. I am vulnerable and I will be careful.

Emptynow - I do understand. It seems to me that at this point, you just want someone to talk to. Maybe starting easier, ie, activities at your local senior center? Or volunteering? Personally, I think signing on for on-line dating at this early point may create more emotional havoc than you can handle. Just my opinion! Marsha

What ever you decide just be clear on what it is you are looking for and make that absolutely clear to others.
I fell in love with a widower who was not certain within himself what it was he was looking for. Turns out we are so very compatible and due to our conversations I had an expectation that our relationship would expand. He gave out very mixed signals, even having me meet his family and even they thought he was announcing our relationship was moving forward. He has finally decided that he does not want anyone in his life except friends. He wants no romantic involvement, wants no girlfriend. He can not envision himself with anyone but his deceased spouse and is adamant about it. So I am left heartbroken as I did fall so very in love with him. This is so very unfair to me, to not only be grieving but to now feel so very heart broken over a relationship I had every right to expect was becoming more.
All I can say is please be sure of what your goals are and be very clear with anyone you interact with. Do not be wishy washy and dont give off mixed signals. Be as gentle with other peoples hearts as you would want them to be with yours.

I feel the very same way just want someone to talk to,but am not so sure if its right thing to do. I am all to fine with the way things are now but I realize I am just existing there has to be more than just that. Maybe just existing is all I can do right now?

Having lost 2 husbands before I can understand your fears, wants etc. My present husband is in end stage of prostrate cancer with bone mets. The first time I lost my husband and son I was just so broken I make some mistakes in dating a year later when I started. Got taken advantage of in a few ways and things like that. Then meet someone who gave me a love so special that he helped me grow so much as a person and I have such amazing memories. Second time I was a widow I for sure thought....I'm not doing this dating thing again. Man across the street.....wooed me and here I am again. I"m heart broken as his illness progresses even before he's gone. When he was first diagnosed truthfully all I could think was myself. I can't go thru this again.....Lord NO. I'm going over and over the loss of my 1st husband and son and 2nd husband......the things that happened...the why the when etc. it took me a week to realize get your act together and be there for him as he experiences this event in life. I'm 61 I feel so much older....but who knows. Right. What I can tell you....is now I'm proud to have loved those men and even the dating mistakes taught me so much about myself. I will tell you each of my loves was so different and in some ways a like......some things make me miss the previous one....(sorry but it's truth) Some things make me think....wow didn't know this was possible to feel this close, or mad or silly with another etc. People will judge you...no matter if you wait months, days or years. The kids will be the hardest hit more than likely....you just have to give them space and try to be open and chooe someone who's good for you and they will see how happy you are and who wants to share your kids. As for people judging you know what...I say...you wait till you feel that pain of loss. You sit day by day alone and tell me......this is all I'm allowed because I had a great love. Maybe your path is to experience a different love. My advise is be cautious, very very good vetting....of people there are some good on line helps for that. We all need someone to share the life with. As the shock wore off of my present husband's diagnosis.....I've realized I'm angry, fearful, sad, lonely already....but it's been a amazing 11 year ride. What memories and growth I've had and apparently I have some more growing to do emotional and spiritually. Is it easy as he slowly gets more ill and needs more care. NO. But it's love at a different angle. I'm sad, lonely, fearful all those things but I will survive...with the help of other's going thru this and being able to share with others. So after much rambling ....I say .....go enjoy your life you only get one and you must have some growing to do.

I never thought I would date or fall in love again after losing my husband, the love of my life. Well, that was four years ago. I've been dating online for the past year, and you know what? I haven't a clue what I'm doing! In fact, I'm giving it up when my subscription ends at the end of this month. And, then I think I'll go back to thinking I'll never date or fall in love again. It's safer.... and I know how to do it! That's just me, though. Others may have had better experiences. You do what is right for you. Just be careful. It's lot scarier out there than it used to be. Good luck, my friends

You need friends and conversation, not online dating. Try the senior center, try meetup.com which has lists of social groups for different interests, try your church, try volunteering, try taking a class, but my advice is stay away from online dating for at least a year. You are not ready. You are vulnerable, and just as many widowers as widows get taken advantage of in the early months. You are not going to be able to make balanced decisions about major stuff for a good year, especially after 50 years of being half of a couple.

I have been here over 9 years (I am one of the Community Leaders for this group), and I can tell you that it is typically around 4 months that most of the widowers decide they want to start dating. The widows usually wait longer than that. I don't know why it is that guys suddenly decide that dating is the answer to all their suffering. I think most men approach the situation as a problem to be solved, and most men are action-oriented - i.e., do something and it will be solved and done and over with. But grief isn't like that. There is no magic cure for this. And that I think is at the heart of widowers making a lot of serious mistakes by rushing into things early on. And as onebrokenheart has pointed out, sometimes other people pay the price and get hurt by those mistakes.

If you need someone to talk to about your grief, join a bereavement group or seek some counseling. Your local hospice or your church may have a bereavement group you can join. I had counseling, my sister who is a widow attends a bereavement group. Both of these things can be helpful.

I am not against new relationships - I have remarried, to a widower I met in this group. However, we both waited and worked through a lot before we got together. Give yourself the opportunity to grieve. You will need it.

Just my two cents.... I hope it helps. I am sorry for the loss that brings you here to have to even ask the question. It will get easier, don't give up.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

My husband passed away in March, 2014. My first thought was not dating or male companionship, but help to get a grip on the grief process. I joined two support groups, then enrolled in some classes. I volunteered back then with two nonprofit agencies over ten hours a week and continue to this day. Now I also visit a lady who is in hospice and it has been the most rewarding journey. JOinted a meetup group and wonderful to have made so many great friends. I am alone with no family too close by so it has been a challenge. For me, even though the aloneness can be tough at times, the answer for me was not to rush into a relationship. Saw too many disasters happen. Follow your heart and be true to yourself.

Just wondering after all the advise what you decided to do?

To those who have been wondering,I joined two online dating sites with similar outcomes. Both were elaborate schemes to prey on lonely people and get as much of their money as possible. Of all the possibilities I reached out to I received
No responses. I am not George Clooney , but ...... cancelled my subscription to the one site I paid to join. They kept my account active until the end of the paid period.
I went on the offensive. I changed my profile to say that I was a 95 year old former boxer from Abeline,Texas who chain smoked. I still get emails from the site saying someone wants to meet me,but I have to upgrade m.y membership to find out who. I am treating this whole experience as a learning exercise. Don't waste your time.

Wishing you all the best in your life. .. look in the horizon,, im sure your future is exciting.
God bless you.

Companionship is healthy. It is a very basic human need.
As for how to go about trying to find that, that is personal. In looking online, I would use a huge amount of caution.
As for my own criteria. The first thing would be limiting it to people I can readily get together with, in person, as much as possible. but I have reasons.
Being "in person" is required for me to use most of my people-reading abilities, gut instincts, intuition, and even knowing whether I feel comfortable with a person.
The more time that passes, the more I realize that companionship is not healthy to go without forever.
I am not tempted to try online dating, though.
Living in a very rural and isolated community, that option is not realistically compatible with my need for using common sense and all faculties "in person, and being present, together", especially with a man. I would also need to believe that God was literally leading me.
I am 1 yr & 9 months into being widowed after 41 yrs of marriage.
I believe that Martha (cliffskat) is correct about men being inclined to seek a new relationship faster than women.
Is there any way to get involved in some kind of local activities which might help you meet ladies in, or near, your own community? Even if it meant trying new hobbies or something? It seems safer to have the benefit of social connections.
As far as your family goes, I totally understand your concerns, but I would not be forced into a riskier way of looking because of feeling "........I will not tell my children or friends for fear they will hate me, ........" IF you find a companion, it certainly won't be secret forever. and you may have to sort through more than just one attempt at finding a companion whom you enjoy being with. It is YOUR life.
I wish you all the best.
Barbara.