I think you should have told her the real reason. I was 50 when I lost Cliff. Who knows, next year she may have the knowledge herself personally. Hope not, but it could definitely happen.... I think you showed remarkable restraint!

Love and Hugs, Martha

I agree with Martha - I think we need to educate others sometimes - and just say I wish mine were here - but God had other plans - I miss him alot I wonder how many others are alone for the same reason.
I think it might give them food for thought.....

You were good because the way im feeling I would of told her she has no idea in this world the agony she would feel if he weren't here and she should cherish every waking moment because you can literally blink and it's all over.

Maybe better to leave her clueless. She might find widowhood sooner than she thinks. (Does that sound mean?)

I may have thought what you gals said but I would most likely just roll my eyes and not say anything.

I believe that everyone (or nearly everyone) will find themselves grieving the loss of a loved one someday. That is when we truly become enlightened.

People say a lot of dumb things and I know I have said a few things I wished I could have taken back. There is a big difference between dumb and mean. I have a larger problem with meaness.

I agree with Martha too.....except she probably still wouldn't have gotten how hurtful her insensitive remark was to you. Sorry it probably would have made me cry......even after all this time.

I think they just don't know--they haven't been there--until it hits home on a personal level you just have no idea and it doesn't strike you. I think it would have been a good thing to make her aware--give her something to think about. She is more blessed than she realizes obviously.

I have one lady at church who is going thru having her spouse in the hospital and came up to me to vent, not reliizing I give anything to be going thru her situtaion instead of mine being gone, and yes we are each in our own worlds, I never think of the time how to handle these thoughtless remarcks and it happens with everyone! sometimes it just wears you out, but I guess that makes us humans, the only thing I would of replied, well I guess its good they are out golfing that is better then being deceased, maybe that would of been a up and coming remark, and left the door open either to respond or not....

What I wouldn't give to be clueless and stupid! Now, at two years out, I'd simply reflect back and smile at a time when I was like she is. No reason to rain on her parade. Mine was certainly sunny. ....and yeah, the way I react to those type statements these days has changed. Thank God!

Completely clueless and insensitive to boot. I probably would've liked to have said something like, no, probably most of them are in the cemetery, like mine. Even then she probably wouldn't "get it." My mother is 81 and is still blessed to have my Dad, 85. Yet she persists in complaining about him endlessly, even to us, his daughters. It makes me so angry. She has no idea....

I work with lots of women and they vent their frustration with me.... At the beginning I was so hurt so just the words "my husband" felt as if someone stubbed me every time when one of them said it.

My heart has healed for the most part I am ok (except that I sobbed today missing my husband's voice and smile)...
Still I am a different griever today than two years ago, now I just listen and think "oh, my, you have no clue, and I won't be the one to enlighten you" ...

I tend to agree with Comfortably Numb...

Less than a year ago I couldn't have/didn't have a clue. I can imagine any of us having a clue before we joined this journey ourselves.

It is hard to hear couples argue or bicker over small insignificant things now. It is hard to hear wives or husbands vent about their living spouse.

But I wouldn't enlighten them to this journey or wish this journey on any of them.

(((hugs)))

Carla

Well, anyone with a brain knows that the majority of women outlive their husbands. Everytime we see a seniors group, like a Sunday School class, or seniors traveling together in retirement, it is almost all women. That said, why would she assume that most of their husbands were on the golf course? She was one of the youngest "seniors" there and maybe she wanted me (and us) to know that she still HAD her husband and that they had a lovely life - golf, planning trips, etc. She didn't want anyone to think she was one of "US". Prissy, was the impression I got.

Ugh! I would have said something like I WISH my husband WERE on the golf course but THINK something like, you're an idiot, lady!! Although I agree with some of the others that you don't "get" widowhood til you are a widow! (I don't like mean people either but I can THINK whatever I want anyway)! :))

She is innocent like Bambi. I say let her stay that way. Most women will face what we're now facing. Let her smile while she can.