I can so relate to what you're saying,. My hospice counselor used to tell me to "just be" it infuriated me. Just be what? Miserable, sure I am that. And if everything happens for a reason, I sure didn't get what the reason was. I will share though you will get better at letting these dumb platitudes go with time. There's nothing to say so people try to say things they think will give you hope. Little do they know we have no hope in those early months and their kindness actually make us upset. Only with time and tears do we take the baby steps we so often talk about. And with the work we find small pieces of enjoyment shadowed by our loss. Sharon

I know the feeling well Sheila. See my tongue - those are bite marks, (and not bite marks I sustained in some fun leisure activity, like eating while distracted).

I'll send you a message before I offend anyone further with my philosophies since I took great pains not be offensive today- I showered and everything. So sorry you are feeling so miserable. xox Sue

I'm with you on the comments from well meaning people. Sometimes I could just scream !!!!!!!! Some seem to understand when I turn and walk away. Others don't but I guess I can't control that. God Bless chipstears.

Sheila, Some people know not of what they speaketh. That is well understood here. I've been fortunate in that regard but I've pretty well confined my interactions to family members. They have been very supportive as have the people here. Otherwise I've pretty well remained a hermit because I don't want to hear the constant "how are you doing". I just cut myself off from that. But I've long been retired and we had no children so it made it easy for me to do it this way.
Just develop selective hearing Sheila or wear ear plugs.

Hope it gets better for you, George

Worst ever comment....you need to move on. Really, 4 months after Tom passed my relative who I was closest with told me that. I wanted to ask her if her hubby died would she be able to move on so soon? Get real folks

I don't believe we are pre-ordained into misery. Loosing a partner sure defies human understanding. Someday we'll find out. A person's days on earth are numbered. All we do know is for one reason or another it was just their time. As for comments one hears from people, expect you could hear them say anything. I'm immune to "call if you need anything." I let it roll off like water off a duck's back.

What I've learned after loosing my husband, as well after my recent loss, this time I lost my dear Mom, that the world just keeps on moving when our hearts almost stopped from the agony.
When I was grief stricken after loosing my husband a few years ago, I did not know what to expect of people; I just needed them to be with me, just wanted to be surrounded by that human circle from that harsh realty. I was upset when people did not provide me enough consideration, and was glad receiving love, support and understanding.

Today I am a "wiser" more experienced griever, albeit I'd rather not to have this title ever...
I learned that people will tell me what they want or able to tell, it is up to me to filter random comments, and to find a real counsel from someone whose opinion matters.
This time when I am grieving loss of my Mom, I experience some sort of dj vu, especially what comes to people's reaction to this sad news.

Learning from the past, I am not surprised hearing occasional clumsy comments, and my previous experience taught me to ignore stupid or insensitive remarks.

I think I am really blessed and my heart rejoices every time when I am receiving compassionate and sincere condolences, or when I feel a real hug shielding me from the pain, get invitations to get out to walk or to just talk.
People are much nicer than we give them credit for being caught in our pain, we are not always objectively seeing their efforts.

Blessing to all of you. Wish you find love and support to help you to get through this difficult time of your life.

Thank you everyone. Putting on my armor for a new day.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your mother comfortablynumb. Sending you all a hug. Xo