Mac, I am very sorry for your sadness and loss of your wife. It is so hard to comprehend that they are gone forever and adjust to a new normal. My true friends all live out of state but have been so good at calling. However, my in-laws have dumped me and I feel a double loss because of that. I only have one sister who has Alzheimer's and does not remember me and her son & daughter who live out of state. So to lose my in-laws is hard and kind of mean of them. So I too need to go out and make friends but that is hard for me as I am shy. If you have any suggestions for me, feel free to jump in. Kathi

So sorry Mac...it is know it is so hard. Maybe those work friends will become your new friends, maybe you could have one them over to visit. I hope your married friends will soon come around. Blessings Debbie

Hi ~ This happened to me too after my husband died. Every last one of "our" friends disappeared right after the funeral. I tried calling some of them, but all I got was answering machines ~ so I left messages. Do you think I got a return call? Not a one. That was 10 years ago, and I still haven't heard from anyone. Of course I'm not waiting anymore.

I hope nothing like this happens to any of them because i will NOT be there for them. God bless, Mac. Hugs, Lee

I'm sorry you've had this experience, too. They say that grief rewrites your address book, it sure rewrote mine. My married friends treated me like I had some sort of contagious plague. My single friends were clueless and wanted me to hit the bars with them to try and pick up guys. I'm not sure which was worse!

I made new friends and they were the ones that helped me the most. A few of my old acquaintances that I hadn't been close to stepped up to the plate, which surprised me. But my old friendships were never the same. I could forgive, but I wasn't ever going to forget.

You might want to check-out meetup.com - it's not a dating site, it's for people with common interests to meet up and share whatever their common interests are. I just checked and there are 76 groups in Spokane. Maybe one of them would be a start for you.

I know it is hard to do. Don't give up. Love and Hugs, Martha

Thank you for writing, folks.
It is somehow helpful to know it happens to others, too, and its not just me. My inlaws also bailed, in fact her entire extended family is gone, I dont expect to hear from them again. It makes me sad, because I believed all that crap about, we'll keep in touch, you'll always be family to us, etc.
Its not bad enought to lose the love of my life, everyone else has to run away too?
Seems cruel.
Thanx for letting me vent a little, I think Im gonna go join a gym or something.
Thanx for the suggestion, Martha, I will try that group also.
Mac

Hi, Mac. My dear hubby was a Mac also and passed away right before Christmas and his 75th birthday... We chose to live in a place that is far away from both families and since he was ill for most of the seven years we had lived in South Texas made no real new friends. As a result, I contemplated moving back to the place we met and married where we worked before retiring. That was an impulsive idea and I have decided that I would have to make new friends, there, too. So, I have started attending a local church and want to try for a part-time job or volunteering to meet new people and make some friends to share time with. I hope you have luck with new groups. You have come to the right place for some good ideas and excellent support. Bless you.
fran

Mac I too posted something similar on 4/4/11 "Why has everyone moved on Have they forgotten??" Read the replies there too. Sad but true. Everyone that you think are your friends you question. I know they have their lives but at make a little phone call right? I have one or two that do keep in contact but I always thought me and my husband had more friends. One thing for sure is the only one we can truly rely on is our Lord and Savior. He will send us the right people when we need it most. I prayed for you. God Bless and hang in there. Edie

I am sorry for your loss and the loss of your friends and family. This is when we need them most. The unfortunate thing in all this is that we are now faced with redifining who we are, and that includes making new friends and building a new life. I had to overcome shyness and open up to people instead of being my normal recluse. I knew I wouldn't make it if I hid. So I made the decision to get out and join groups, to open up to people and make new friends. I realized in this that me helping others and being a friend to others has brought me happiness. I feel like I am contributing to something again.

We didn't choose this life but we have to make it work for us, in whatever way that is. Good luck to you.

Someone said the friends told her or him they were grieving too.
BUT as a whole I think not facing the fact it could happen to them, not wanting to hear the sadness from you, not knowing what to say or do, is more the normal. BUT a large one is they are going on with life doing their thing & they do not want to take the time to deal w/something they do not realize hurts as bad as we hurt.
Sad what to say is still a hard one for others.
I agree with finding a way to met new people - for some thats also a tough step to take. I wish you well

This seems to happen a lot even with some family members.After awhile i just made new friends that were single. Hurts the feelings doesn't it! I am very sorry for your loss!

I was in the same spot. The only 2 people who stuck with me at all were the only "couples" we were friends with. All my "female" friends - where I didn't know the husband or barely knew him - are the ones that have totally written me out of their life - strange.

I have met new friends - and I like my new friends better - didn't think I would. At this point (over a year) I have no desire to rekindle old friendships. I also think I can connect more when I meet someone who has also lost a spouse - we have something significant in common.

I used to cry about my friends - feeling like my life was almost a waste. It is really unbelievable to me that people are like that. I know I would not have been. It makes it so much harder - but wait till their time comes - they lost a great support - I won't be there for them now. Best of luck. You'll get thru it.

This complaint/concern has been a topic so many times. Where are my friends now that the funeral is over and everyone has gone on their way leaving me left alone. No longer are we a part of the couples we once socialized with and we aren't ready to enter the single world. Do our friends leave us or have we become recluse in our grief and avoid them? I have found this to be true for me. Thank goodness I have relentless friends. I have avoided answering the phone or returning calls,I have turned down numerous invitations, they know I want to be left alone. They may not call as often but they are still there for me. I did not want to burden them with my sorrow so I spent time here. In the early days I just wanted to crawl into a hole and make the world go away. I could only handle company for a short time. We blame our ostracization on our friends when we just may bring it on ourselves. Like grief, each circumstance is different. If they were primarily your spouses friends then they may not have the connection to you that you may have thought. Some friends just don't know how to deal with our grief. We need to reach out as well which is sometimes a difficult thing for us. We just need to consider our role as friends in return. I am working on it......Bless you

I am so sorry for your loss. I too, have experienced the evaporation of friends, especially couples. They expect us to snap out of it, and move on to a new life. This has proven difficult - for emotional and practical reasons- dealing with paperwork, the life to let go of, clothes, cars, paying the bills, etc. I do have work friends that are great, but that's about it. I have just 1 or 2 people that have really been there for me. I hope you have a really good friend or 2 and I wish you luck.

Mac, I am so sorry you feel deserted by your friends. Many times I don`t think they deliberately do this, unfortunately their lives go on and ours stops and is never the same. Many people just don`t connect because they are uncomfortable with our sadness or don`t know what to say. Reach out to your friends, sometimes they feel uncomfortable initiating the contact. I know now the hardest part of losing the love of our lives is the loneliness. I am thinking of you and sending you my prayers, Lu Ann

Mac, When someone says call if you need anything, they are praying you never call. This is just what comes out of your mouth...like saying have a nice day.

Where you live will depend on what is available. I live where there is not much chance to meet new people. I have thought of going to the Price Chopper parking lot wearing a sign that says "Will Take New Friends". Most of my friends from my previous life were single. They no longer include me in their plans. With 5 kids, no one will dare set foot in my house. I wish you well with meetup.com as well. They have one activity in my area which revolves around older people going to bars.
I think we all need suggestions here.

Maggie