I wish I could say it gets better. It doesn't. I'm on my third Christmas without the love of my life and this year seems worse than the last two. I was just numb this first year and didn't feel anything. This year has been really bad. I miss him so much. Nothing seems to help. I just don't feel like I have anything to live for. I just wish I could die. We were married for 46 years. This is the first time I have ever been alone. I really hate it.

This is my first year too. My daughter coming for Christmas helped a lot. I will be alone on New Years but I'm ok with that. My husband and I never really went any where new years eve because of the drunks on the road. I'm finding that new traditions and making a path for myself is helping. This year I smoked a beef brisket instead the ham or turkey thing. I invited the neighbor and a friend (and her son) over. Everyone loved the brisket so much that everyone agreed to come again next year. So now I have a new tradition, brisket, beans and barbeque for Christmas. hugs Arlene

When someone says, "I wish I could die!" What can one say to that?

If I say, "I'm sorry you feel that way", it sounds so trite.....seriously, nothing can ever make our hearts be more broken than losing our mates.

I've lost a child, my parents, a sibling and now my mate. How I deal with that loss tells me and the world around me who I am.

We don't have to be artificially strong or powerful, we just have to be willing to try. What is there to live for...My honest answer; NOTHING! Nothing can take this hurt and pain in my heart and soul away.....NOTHING! The sheer emptiness of this loss is too much to bear. That said, I want to live, I want to try, I need to for my own sake and sanity.

I'm sorry you're hurting so much. Being alone is very new for me too. I had 5 siblings, a mom and dad and then my mate and then children. I've NEVER been alone, ever! It's so scary and painful. I know!

Please try and remember how much he loved you and honor that love and him by making a life for yourself. There's lots of us who are doing it with you......as clumsy as we are we're with you.

Warmly,
Roz

For us in the first year of our loss it seems the pain will never go away and even for some well beyond the first year. Some say the first year is the worse others say the second or third. I have no advice I wish I did but I am just grasping for some hope that my life will mean something to me and my Amy some day. Right now I am just searching for a purpose because my reason for living was yanked from beneath me. As you have probably heard many times we all grieve differently but from what I can see from this group, whom I consider my friends, the unbearable pain of grief is the same for us all.
All I can do is keep talking about it and realize how fortunate I was to have her for the short time on this earth. She was a blessing and most likely saved my life. I will not let that be in vain.
I hope the best for you and maybe together we can survive this. ~Pete

As of New Years Eve,,I will complete my entire year of first, Our Birthdays, Our Anniversary, Holidays,,,I almost feel desensitized, numb and confused about what I have endured this year. I am going on 9 months now and looking back I wonder how I even got thru it. Reading most if not all of these threads I see we all definitely have so much in common and we are all floundering to find a new normal. DS has helped me immensely as we get it when everyone else thinks we should be getting over it.

Pete, your love for your beautiful Amy shines through in everything you write.

Thank you for sharing her with us!

Roz