Sounds like you're in the wrong group, but I have to tell you that if he's an abuser, you need to get out and get out fast. If he's prone to violence, you need to be careful.

Other than that, find a support group that helps people in bad relationships. we widows are a unique group as there is no hope of reconcilliation. Most of us would prefer to be in a divorce postion then widowed where there is no hope for the future.

Good luck to you and get ready for the flames.

If you are in an abusive relationship don't let a lease keep you there. You may never become a widow just another victim of domestice violence leaving your family to grieve. Not worth it. If you are already feeling as you said..get out. You have a choice in your life, we widows and widowers did not.

Hi and I love your avatar, great sealpoint. You can only be trapped if you allow it. Go to the lease-holder and let them know the situation and then get out. I hate to use psycho-babble, but you have to own moving in with him...you made a conscience decision. Now you have to deal with the consequences. Get out and get on with it. Getting used is a terrible thing, and again, it can only happen if YOU allow it.

We are TRUE widows and widowers here, and it's a whole different thing. Our loves have in fact died, but our love has not. We didn't have a choice...

I agree....you have a choice..( at least now)..........so chose, and move on.........find a relationship group....we here are in a very different place.........blessings...............never heard the term flames before..........I like it.

Suninbloom,
I see from your profile that you are in another group on DS. I think that may be a more appropriate group for you. I notice that you are using holistic therapy. I hope that includes talk therapy. You should be getting counseling for self asteem issues, no one needs to accept abuse. I hope you find the help you need.. I I am a big supporter of holistic medicine. Not all that sure about neurologiic holistic approaches though. Donna

I feel for you, I do. But you are not a widow because you choose to remain in a relationship that doesn't work. Get out of it. Having lost my one truw love, a man with whom I had such passion for that none will ever compare, I believe in NOT settling. Do this for yourself before you regret your life.the one thing I can be proud of forever is I didn't settle, and got nearly 8 years with a man who was my perfect match. Good luck and GOD BLESS

I don't know about the rest of you but I find Smilinjack offensive. His comments are very cruel and inappropriate. Does anyone else feel that way or am I being super sensitive?

I'm posting this in hopes the smilinman will see it and realize his humor isn't funny. At least to me. Sharon

Sharon I agree wholeheartedly. I find no humor in his contributions -- lots of sarcasim and sometimes cruelty. I would hope that we can show compassion for everyone as we are all going through a very difficult journey of grief. We come to this site to share understanding and hopefully obtain some peace of mind. Jude

It's offensive and inappropriate for this site.

Smilinjack is a sad human, he is snide and bitter, his remarks lack humor perhaps he finds his joy in his sarcastic quips and less than sensitive responses to people who are truly grieveing. There is no info on him so one would think perhaps he is an internet troll looking for victims to upset. What a sorry human is that....

Hello,
We are trying to relate, but as widows and widowers, I think we would all like to be in a position where our sign. others were still alive, but they are not.
So, that said, you can and should leave. As fast as you can.
You might find alanon support site more helpful, even if addiction is not a problem. Get out now, screw the lease, and move on.
Hoping the best for you. If I could change things, and bring my husband back, even if we could not be together, I would.

That's true, or hit the ignore button like I just did.

For those of you who find smilinjack as heartless and humorless as I do, please report him as abusive. People are suffering too much around here to have to read his misplaced and hateful insults.

I, too, think that you are in the wrong group. However, from the little your wrote, you do not have to live with anyone who does not love and respect you! You need to be strong and make the proper decisions for you! Maybe this is not the partner that you should be spending your life with. Life is precious -- this is not a dress rehearsal!

I agree, Sharon, smilingjack seeks attention by being pointedly hurtful. He constantly puts down anyone making any efforts to survive this hell. Han he forgot that we've promised to be nice?