Hi Babochka,
I lost my husband of a massive stroke two years ago and I feel for you. It's a strange place in life where we thought we would never be - especially at our age. It's almost like you are 20 years old all over again, having to pave a new life path (and in a hurry) only don't know where to start. From my own experience, it is not unusual to seek distraction (shopping and such) especially when it can bring you a glimmer of positive emotion. Eventually, something or someone will inspire you to channel that energy into an activity that will take your life in a new direction.

Outside of this forum do you have local support like family and good friends? I went to a local support group and then opted for private counseling. I am really glad that you found this website, as it will be a tremendous help to you. It really doesn't have to be torture if you have good people supporting and encouraging you. This is a process and you will get through it.
Bryn

Ah yes, retail therapy. That was (and is) my favorite. Bought all sorts of cool things and now I give a lot of it away, making others happy. Possessions just don't mean much to me anymore, rather bring happiness to others. And that is purpose. Find your purpose, and you will find yourself. Hang in there. It may get worse before it gets better, but I promise, it does get better. Just don't hurry the process. Grief runs the clock, not you. Hold tight to those memories. They cause us great pain at first, but then they bring us great joy. Scottie

Thank you, Bryn and Scottito. I don't have any family here, just my adult son. He lives in a 2 hr drive and comes visit once a week. I do attend two support groups, Widow-to-Widow and Grief Recovery; it helps. But it's so lonely to come back to an empty house (except 2 cats and a dog). The first thing I do is turning on TV, just to hear a human voice. Weekends are the worst. My friends here, almost all are coupled, and they have their own life. I feel isolated and terribly lonely.

Hi babochka. I am in a similar situation. My husband passed away only two months after we moved to a different state which happens to be across the country from the rest of my family. I have no-one here, except for a few acquaintences. It is extremely challenging, as I also come home to an empty house and would do anything to have a dinner companion or conversation for that matter. I usually have no weekend plans and I work for myself at home (isolated)! I too would turn the tv on just to listen to it. I came to the realization that the lack of life structure and purpose in life kept me in limbo indefinitely. So I decided to take action and move to a different community for a fresh start and I created a weekly itinerary that included a minimum of four days where I had to follow the schedule and engage with others. Even if it meant offering my paid technology services for free. I have found that the busier I can keep myself, the less dread and isolation that I feel. I welcome you to email my profile if you feel lonely or need a buddy who understands.  You are not alone;)

Amen to that. My hisband of 19 yrs passed april 11.. I had to move everytime i went into another room a memory would hit me and i start balling.

My husband died while I was shopping. I still go to that store where I was. The first few times I returned I got shivers. It's like a funeral memorial store now. I tip my head etc. in rememberance whenever I reenter it. But I don't like to go as often...