Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Today, I need a bit of a grumble. I need to fill in a lot official forms.
My first grumble is why as women do we have to choose between 3 status: Miss, Mrs, Ms. Of course I choose Mrs, then the second question is : single or married as on some forms there are no other alternative. I know that technically I should tick "single", as I have been advised Mr Officialdom, when I asked. The thing is I do feel married so I tick "married". What do you do?
My second grumble is that the status of widow is not an enviable one (for obvious reasons yo us) but also because of what society perceive us as. This week, trying to expand my social environment, I attended a lunch organised by a 50+ forum. It was a bit of a non-starter with me because even though I tried to integrate, I could not because all the people there had met before and I felt like the "ugly little duck of the story" and rather isolated. At one point during the lunch, one of the lady across to me mentioned that she attended an event and that she would not go back because it was "full of old widows". The meaning was quite derogatory. I was going to say something but I did not have the gumption to challenge that because I was reluctant to say that I was a widow. I did not feel like appearing as a "poor old widow". Shortly after, I made an early exit.
Thank you for listening to my early morning grumbles.
My first grumble is why as women do we have to choose between 3 status: Miss, Mrs, Ms. Of course I choose Mrs, then the second question is : single or married as on some forms there are no other alternative. I know that technically I should tick "single", as I have been advised Mr Officialdom, when I asked. The thing is I do feel married so I tick "married". What do you do?
My second grumble is that the status of widow is not an enviable one (for obvious reasons yo us) but also because of what society perceive us as. This week, trying to expand my social environment, I attended a lunch organised by a 50+ forum. It was a bit of a non-starter with me because even though I tried to integrate, I could not because all the people there had met before and I felt like the "ugly little duck of the story" and rather isolated. At one point during the lunch, one of the lady across to me mentioned that she attended an event and that she would not go back because it was "full of old widows". The meaning was quite derogatory. I was going to say something but I did not have the gumption to challenge that because I was reluctant to say that I was a widow. I did not feel like appearing as a "poor old widow". Shortly after, I made an early exit.
Thank you for listening to my early morning grumbles.
Reading you posts, I know you are an intelligent woman and quite articulate; soon you will come up with your response to questions, or remarks, and it will not stop you trying to connect with the world.
The forms.. remember the sting in my heart when I filled out my first form, especially a contacy for the emergency purposes.
Writing down on a form for the first time is like reliving the event, and acknowledge officially that it had happened.
The finality of it, the change is so pronounced during this small act, it is painful. But over time. having to deal with lots of papers and forms since my husband passed I have separated my emotions and the papers, those heartless formalities.
As far as the stigma, and common petty attitude, I have no control over it, I just live my life, and that nonsense won't stop me attending the functions, introducing myself as what I am "a widow" , and move on a conversation into an area to find some common ground with people.
Some day you will get stronger too, and you will give those things less significance. I know you will. We are stronger than we think.
Hope you are having more peaceful and warm days ahead of you.
Hug