Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I have given a great deal of thought to my entire life in recent months
and I have thought of all the situations to which I have been exposed,
circumstances I have experienced and places where I never thought
I would be. I have thought about how much everything changed in my
life over ten year intervals. .
I remember when I was 10. My family drove from Texas to Camp Pendleton near San Diego. An older brother ( a Marine ) was leaving for Korea. I didnt understand my Mothers tears at the time. On the way back to Texas, we stopped at the Grand Canyon. I had seen some colored photos in the New Britannica World Books on which my Mother was scraping together nickels and dimes to make monthly payments. She wanted her sons to learn about the world. I inherited an old yellowed black and white photo of me at 10 years old standing at a rail looking at the Grand Canyon. I still remember It was so wondrous as I gazed out over the unlimited natural beauty before me. I was in a place I never thought I would be.
I remember when I was 20. My family couldnt afford college and my two Jobs didnt produce enough income for college to keep me out of the draft. The Vietnam War was quickly ramping up and the military sent an invitation to me. I later learned later that my Mother had again shed tears over one of her boys. I remember when I was 20
and I was standing in a clearing and I was armed to the teeth with explosions and mass confusion and soldiers of all types all around
me. I was indeed in a place I never thought I would be.
I remember when I was 30. I was on my first international business
trip and went to London. I decided to visit Buckingham Place to
watch the Changing of the Guard. It was Queen Elizabeths birthday and she made a surprise appearance in a white carriage. It was like something out of a fairy tale. Seeing that before me I knew I was in
a place I never thought I would be.
I remember when I was 40, My first marriage had ended in divorce
and I really thought at that point I would probably remain a bachelor
for the rest of my life. I visited a restaurant I Houston and sat at the
bar and saw an amazingly beautiful young woman as the hostess at the front door. I returned the next night and she came up and spoke
to me and I was instantly and magically head over heels in love
despite our 16 year age difference. She eventually became my
wife. I was again in a place I never thought I would be.
I remember when I was 50. My wife accompanied me on a business
trip to New York. We celebrated her birthday with dinner in the
Windows on the World restaurant atop the North Tower ( 107th floor ) of the World Trade Center. We sat at a table next to the
windows and there were two tall white candles on the table. I
still remember the flickering candlelight producing sparkles in her
eyes as we sat and looked out over the majestic beauty of
Manhattan. I remember feeling so fortunate as I was sitting with
my beautiful wife with whom I was deeply in love. I had the feeling
I was truly on top of the world at 107 stories above the streets of
the city and sitting with the woman of my dreams. There is no
doubt I found myself in a place I never thought I would be.
I remember when I was 60. My wife accompanied on a business
trip to Milan and I extended the trip to visit Rome as a surprise for
her. I took her to the Vatican to visit St. Peters Basilica. That was
truly a dream come true for her as she as a Catholic ( I am not )
and she never imagined she would visit the Vatican. She was
shocked and amazed as Pope Benedict made an appearance
and blessed us. I was again in a place I never thought I would be.
Now I am 70. I am sitting in my office at work. My plans of last year
to retire have been cancelled as my reason to retire is gone. I sit
with my heart broken into an uncountable number of pieces as I carefully comb through the very delicate and oh so beautiful
memories of years past with her. Today is exactly 34 weeks / 8 months since she left. Again, I find myself in a place I never
thought I would be.
Blessings to all
Darrell in Texas.
and I have thought of all the situations to which I have been exposed,
circumstances I have experienced and places where I never thought
I would be. I have thought about how much everything changed in my
life over ten year intervals. .
I remember when I was 10. My family drove from Texas to Camp Pendleton near San Diego. An older brother ( a Marine ) was leaving for Korea. I didnt understand my Mothers tears at the time. On the way back to Texas, we stopped at the Grand Canyon. I had seen some colored photos in the New Britannica World Books on which my Mother was scraping together nickels and dimes to make monthly payments. She wanted her sons to learn about the world. I inherited an old yellowed black and white photo of me at 10 years old standing at a rail looking at the Grand Canyon. I still remember It was so wondrous as I gazed out over the unlimited natural beauty before me. I was in a place I never thought I would be.
I remember when I was 20. My family couldnt afford college and my two Jobs didnt produce enough income for college to keep me out of the draft. The Vietnam War was quickly ramping up and the military sent an invitation to me. I later learned later that my Mother had again shed tears over one of her boys. I remember when I was 20
and I was standing in a clearing and I was armed to the teeth with explosions and mass confusion and soldiers of all types all around
me. I was indeed in a place I never thought I would be.
I remember when I was 30. I was on my first international business
trip and went to London. I decided to visit Buckingham Place to
watch the Changing of the Guard. It was Queen Elizabeths birthday and she made a surprise appearance in a white carriage. It was like something out of a fairy tale. Seeing that before me I knew I was in
a place I never thought I would be.
I remember when I was 40, My first marriage had ended in divorce
and I really thought at that point I would probably remain a bachelor
for the rest of my life. I visited a restaurant I Houston and sat at the
bar and saw an amazingly beautiful young woman as the hostess at the front door. I returned the next night and she came up and spoke
to me and I was instantly and magically head over heels in love
despite our 16 year age difference. She eventually became my
wife. I was again in a place I never thought I would be.
I remember when I was 50. My wife accompanied me on a business
trip to New York. We celebrated her birthday with dinner in the
Windows on the World restaurant atop the North Tower ( 107th floor ) of the World Trade Center. We sat at a table next to the
windows and there were two tall white candles on the table. I
still remember the flickering candlelight producing sparkles in her
eyes as we sat and looked out over the majestic beauty of
Manhattan. I remember feeling so fortunate as I was sitting with
my beautiful wife with whom I was deeply in love. I had the feeling
I was truly on top of the world at 107 stories above the streets of
the city and sitting with the woman of my dreams. There is no
doubt I found myself in a place I never thought I would be.
I remember when I was 60. My wife accompanied on a business
trip to Milan and I extended the trip to visit Rome as a surprise for
her. I took her to the Vatican to visit St. Peters Basilica. That was
truly a dream come true for her as she as a Catholic ( I am not )
and she never imagined she would visit the Vatican. She was
shocked and amazed as Pope Benedict made an appearance
and blessed us. I was again in a place I never thought I would be.
Now I am 70. I am sitting in my office at work. My plans of last year
to retire have been cancelled as my reason to retire is gone. I sit
with my heart broken into an uncountable number of pieces as I carefully comb through the very delicate and oh so beautiful
memories of years past with her. Today is exactly 34 weeks / 8 months since she left. Again, I find myself in a place I never
thought I would be.
Blessings to all
Darrell in Texas.
I am deeply honored as I read and absorb the feelings in the
words. I am truly grateful.
I traveled virtually the entire world alone on business as a
young man before I met my wife. But my experiences over
those early years contained little or no passion for the places
I visited or the things to which I was exposed. It was only
when she began traveling with me that I began to see the
world in a different way. It was then I began to see the
world through her eyes as I embraced her excitement at
being exposed to people as well as all things big and small.
I had passed the Eifel Tower in Paris many times alone and
glanced at the magnificent structure from the backseats of
taxis. I never dared to walk beneath it until doing so hand in
hand with her. That single experience of walking together
beneath the Eifel Tower was magical.
It was the same with Trevi Fountain in Rome. I had visited
it once to kill time on a business trip long before meeting her
but it was just a landmark to me. The time came when I took
her to Rome. She had seen the movie " Roman Holiday "
many times with Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck. She
knew exactly ( the precise spot ) where Audrey Hepburn stood
and tossed coins into the gorgeous foundation. She stood in
the same spot and tossed her coins into the fountain. An
observing stranger passing by likely thought she had won a
lotto by the way she was celebrating her joy. Just watching
her gave me so much great pleasure as I snapped many
photos. There is a photo on the wall of our home of her
throwing coins into the fountain and I am privileged to relive
those precious moments trapped in time. So many places
and so many experiences.
But it wasn't just travel together and visiting beautiful and
exotic places and sharing all types of experiences.
She loved horses and I bought the first one for her when we
moved to the country in 1988. That mare was bred with a
stallion and I have a video as the mare eventually gave birth
to a beautiful foal as my wife stood by the mare and coached
her with a soothing voice. That foal became one of the children
of our family. Soon after the foal was born, she talked me into buying a baby raccoon for her. Rocky the Raccoon became a
member of the family despite the fact my wife was the only one
that could feed him by hand. She wanted sheep and a llama
and the list is long. Animals. She believed in animals as she
always said they naturally had unconditional love and she
treasured that above all else. That was her. Unconditional
love.
Writing does some funning things to the human mind. There
is a tendency to write only about 100 % positive things and
that is a good approach for the future as we look back as to
what we have written.
But, I want to recall all of it or virtually all of it. As an example,
I have recorded my memory of a stupid argument between
my future wife and me that took place early in our relationship before we were actually together. We were in downtown
Houston. I abruptly jumped into my car in a huff and drove
away. She jumped into her car and followed me and it was
around midnight in Houston. I decided I would " lose her ". It became like the car chase scene in the Steve McQueen
movie " Bullitt " as we hit some high speeds. It was amazing
as I didn't know she could drive like that ! After almost 30
minutes, I finally decided I was being fairly stupid. There I
was trying to elude a very beautiful young woman that was
giving it everything she had to stay up with me in what some
would say was a high speed chase. I stopped and she
stopped behind me. She said, " What the hell is wrong with
you. Don't you know I'm chasing you because I'm in love
with you ? ". True story. That was the first time she told me
she loved me. Fortunately, that was our only high speed
chase experience.
I urge everyone to spend time writing in journals, notebooks
and elsewhere of everything you can remember of your loved
ones. I spend a great deal of time writing and burning candles
next to photos of her. Time passes and we tend to forget little things. Writing has helped me to remember hundreds of little
things I had long forgotten and it has produced some quiet
smiles ( and some tears ) but I am thankful I made a decision
to record my memories over 30+ years together. I do not wish
to forget even one memory of her.
Thanks again to everyone.
Darrell
I kept journals and wrote about our experiences. I hope my children and grandchildren get as much a kick out of reading them as we did experiencing them. Some experiences are not to be believed and will remain on paper or in my heart and head for eternity.
We were so in love.....we had an affair to remember!
When my Morey was dying and as he laid in bed,, he kept staring at me, as I stood by the end of his bed......the doctor said to him who are you looking at and he said, "my love, I'm staring at my love!" I will NEVER forget his words.
Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful stories with us.
Roz
Discovered together. My husband and I traveled the first few years, but then confessed he didn'the like traveling, so I I would travel with groups or friends. I loved him so much, because he never stopped me from doing what I loved. He would take me to the airport and would be waiting for me at the airport when I return. After he passed away, for therapy, I put together pictures and comments from, the time we started dating to throughout our marriage to his death and after, calling it, Life even after. It helped so much during weeks and months of grievi
ng. It makes me laugh to read some of the crazy things he would
Say. I continue to pray that you will be strengthened,comforted and you will an everlasting peace.
Wishing you peace ...