Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
This morning I woke up feeling lonely. I miss having a partner, skin on skin contact ( my first love language is touch), leaving sweet notes for someone, flirting, trying to look good for someone else, planning something special for someone else, doing for someone else's pleasure. At first, I thought its too soon to think about that. It's 5 weeks today. Then I really started considering where it was coming from.... More grieving.
I get to say goodbye to those parts of me, my characteristics, my traits that I valued and worked so hard to refine. Those traits that inspired so many other marriages around us. I have no use for them now. They are like a weed in my garden which will only choke the life out of any flowers I plant. I did not realize that I would have to let go of parts of me that I loved, that made me who I was, in order to become a new me.
Maybe I will write those things down and burn them ceremoniously. And like the Pheonix, wait and see what rises from the ashes.
I get to say goodbye to those parts of me, my characteristics, my traits that I valued and worked so hard to refine. Those traits that inspired so many other marriages around us. I have no use for them now. They are like a weed in my garden which will only choke the life out of any flowers I plant. I did not realize that I would have to let go of parts of me that I loved, that made me who I was, in order to become a new me.
Maybe I will write those things down and burn them ceremoniously. And like the Pheonix, wait and see what rises from the ashes.
We think too much about everything -
And we think too far off into the future -
Thoughts of not ever loving another person or giving love are just thoughts, they are not real -
The game of Dodgeball comes to mind -
What you are actually doing is saying good bye to your marriage, not the parts of you that make you a loving human being -
I read your bio -
Think for a moment about the time & process including patience involved in preparing a child to move forward from your grade to the next till they finally graduate -
That is a child, however, as an adult w/previous experience in learning life lessons, we all have the ability to cut that time in half or more depending on the outcome we seek -
At 5 weeks out, you are still very raw -
Be patient with your grieving soul -
While they do suck, I now view these "conscious" thoughts in terms of outward jumbled up signals to the entire mind, body & soul to maintain life -
That is a new perspective -
It takes alot of grieving, patience & grief work over alot of time to gain a new perspective -
I'm almost 6 years out, I've come across widow/ers in my time frame & further out who have not resolved their spouse's death, They have, however, moved on to change their outward appearance without satisfying their soul purpose -
For me, it was a spriitual lesson of learning that it was my Wildman's time to die -
It is now my reality -
As the Phoenix, we burn & rise from the ashes countless times -
Hope this helps ~
*Be kind, loving, patient & forgiving of yourself everyday of your life*
I remember being told to just be. I thought it was the stupidist thing to say I've ever heard. Just be what? I understand it now. When we are all about others we don't know ourself. It least I didn't. Sure, I was Don's wife, our children's mom, a medical worker, a member of my church, a child of God, the list goes on and on. But it's all about my role in the life I lived. I had no clue who I was without this connection.
Find you by identifying what you need to do right now to get through this moment. Then do it again and again until you recognize you. Hope someone understands what I'm trying to say. Sharon
It's been almost a month of my partner's sudden death . I find myself playing like a video in my head of all our times together. It doesn't bring me peace . It makes me soo sad. All my dreams are gone. I feel so alone. I just want to know that someday we will connect . I don't have much faith. I wish I had more
I think there are some aspects of ourselves that we lose and we grieve. But, I can tell you from my own experiences, that you will at some point be amazed to find how much of you is still left. The early weeks and first months are terribly hard and the roller-coaster ride is very bumpy. It won't always be this painful. Honest.
I agree with Sharon, and would like to add that one of the things I found was the farther along I got, the more glad I was that I hadn't given up early on, despite all the pain. I would have missed so much if I had. It's been about 5-1/2 years since Cliff died. My life doesn't look exactly the same as it used to, but it is good again.
I also acknowledge that a lot of who I am is because of the 30 years Cliff and I spent together. I don't have to jettison what he helped build within me. And the truly good and important stuff is within you.
Love and Hugs,
Martha
Thanks for your words. They help. I am in the very early stages 5 weeks a sudden death(heart) 55 yrs. old.
We were not married 14 yrs together and mostly on weekends. we lived 2 hrs away. Built a dream mt cabin to retire in. so weekends are very difficult.
Just can't get use to it. it;s soo hard. everything remonds me of him. i know that i will never have another relationship like the one I had with scott.
But this support group and frends and family help
I just want to get stuck in this place of the greatest sorrow for the rest of my life. it's just to sad. One min at a time!!!!! thanks