Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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wendimac 03/30/2015

I just got back from my husband's viewing. While I was initially upset at seeing him lying in a casket, I sat there for 2 hours, reading him poetry, playing him music and telling him how devastated I am that he's gone. I poured out my heart to him, even though I knew he couldn't hear me...it left me with a strange sense of calm...stopped the flow of tears for the moment. He was dressed in the clothing I had chosen for him, and looked better than he had in the past couple of years...most of all, he looked peaceful. Tomorrow is the funeral, and I know that will be a hard day.
While I am glad that I am not crying at the moment, it seems strange to me that being in a room with my deceased husband would have the effect...frankly, I thought I would have the opposite reaction...any thoughts? Am I still in a form of denial or something?

BandiBlue 03/30/2015

I believe that being in the presence of our deceased loved ones can bring a sense of peace.

Wishing you strength for tomorrow and the coming days . . .

dschwartz 03/30/2015

Wendi . . . I can relate. I thought that seeing Jim in death would be difficult, however, I too found a sense of overwhelming peace . . for him and for me. Sending you continued strength in the coming days. Thoughts and prayers . . xo, Dayna

themaster 03/30/2015

Not me. It was very hard... I leaned over and hugged/kissed her one last time. I played with her hair, one last time.

Then I fell apart.

dvelasco69 03/30/2015

I am not sure if it's shock/denial, self preservation. I am the type to cry at Hallmark commercials. Yet at my husbands viewing and funeral I was stone face. Couldn't cry if I wanted to. I think my emotions literally shut down because If they hadn't I would not have made it through the service. 3 1/2 months later I still cry or at least get teary every day.

KimKos 03/30/2015

Wendi
every ones journey is unique...form of denial or something...here I am 27 months later and still don't have that answer for myself let alone any one else. This I can say tho...there are so many understanding people here that you will always have someone to connect with...praying that you have strength ..love and tons of support to get you through all this especially today..sending a hug

matoacalady 03/30/2015

Holding you close in thought today wendi.

jrp32079 03/30/2015

I was kind of the same. Prior to everyone getting to the funeral home for her wake and then after when I was the last to leave were both very hard. However, during it I was okay. Same goes for her funeral. A cousin told me it was almost off-putting to see how calm and collected I was. Part of me thinks it may have been because I was with her when she died, laying my head on hers. Who knows.

cdameron 03/30/2015

I had a hard time leaving the hospital room, letting go of her. Her soul was no longer there, but her body was, the physical part of her, that I could still hold and touch, talk to. I was pretty messed up before we got to the hospital, then when we got in the room with her again, I felt that calm come over me - when we finally had to leave - the tears came back in a tsunami.

Then once we had her remains back with us, I felt that calm again, she was with me again, I carried her on the plane and held her the entire time, refusing to let go of her.

Our hearts go out to you today, may you find a little peace, today - we are here if you need us..

sandeestttn 03/30/2015

I am so sorry. I think it is the final realization that they are gone. I too, felt a calm even I could not believe. He looked better than I had seen him in many years. He was pain free, peaceful. I was surprised I could leave his body at the cemetery also.

My best to you as you go through this. You are not alone. Hugs. Sandee

jeanatds 03/30/2015

It sounds like getting to this point given all the problems would have been a huge relief. It's bringing you some peace to take care of him and talk to him. These are the kind of moments that get you through. My thoughts will be with you tomorrow.
Jean

Shrn 03/30/2015

In my belief he knew every word you spoke. Not with the ears of this earth, but with the heart that loves you. I still talk to my husband and receive the peace of knowing that he may have died to the physical world, but he lives still in my heart and in the hearts that loved him. Sharon

deleted_user 03/30/2015

The road ahead is long and winding......there are many, many obstacles along the way. Hang on and don't expect yourself to be peaceful, calm or become hard on yourself for "opposite reactions!"

The reprieve you're feeling Wendi, may change in an instant or may stay the same. It's not predictable at all!!!

We are all feeling it and know exactly what you're going through and what you will face in the days ahead.

We are here for you.

Roz

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