Hello to the new folks who are at a place they don't want to be. My name is Tim. I wanted to share something with those who are new to this.

My wife Linda went home to be with the Lord last August of 2015. I left for work one morning and returned a few hours later to find she had passed in her sleep without any warning at all. I didn't have the chance to say good bye. She was just gone. Over the next few weeks I was done. Did not see any reason to keep breathing and certainly no reason to get out of bed, work or care about anything at all. Wrote my will over several times and in all honesty plotted ways to leave myself. I struggled with this over those few weeks. After speaking with my uncle who had lost his wife and went thru the same dark days and a couple more folks I found this site. I began reading posts and eventually got up the courage to start posting myself. I found at that time so many people here who were either going thru the same or had been where I was. I have to add here that I am a man of faith and that was the foundation I stood upon during all this to.

As time went on I was able to go back to work and kept in touch here. I then began to replay conversations I and my wife had with each other over the years of our marriage. The subject of what to do if something happened to one of us came up a few times. We always told the other that our wish was for the other to continue living the life we had left. To somehow find happiness where ever we could. I stayed focused upon this daily. Those were some very dark times. The worst I have ever been thru. But there came a point when I began to realize I wasn't moving forward just talking about it. And instead of honering my marriage and memories of my wife I was allowing myself to become imprissoned by it all. Oh I put on the face and walked around like all was getting better and all the while I was living in the past. I was in constant prayer but not listening to the answers I was getting. Because deep down inside I didn't really want to move forward. I began to see this was going to start causing health issues. Not sleeping or eating right.

And so I decided to turn loose and do what I knew in my heart my wife truely wanted for me. To find happiness and live the life I had left. And now that's where I am one year later. One of the things I learned early on is that this isn't something you learn to get over. You never get over these things. You have to learn how to live with it. And by that I mean not let it hinder you from building a new life and going forward. Don't let the precious memories of your wife or husband become a prison. I look at it as a chapter in my book of life that has been shut and now a new one will begin. With new expereinces, new people and new relationships. And for myself, I'm not the same person I was. I feel like I have grown stronger in both my faith and my belief in myself. Would I chose this if given the choice, no, but none of us would. But we aren't in control of certain things. And we have to learn to live with what ever happens in our lives no matter how devestating it can be we can survive. At this time I am looking forward to what this next chapter brings. And will continue in my faith to get me thru what ever comes my way. 

My main message for all those new to this is don't let yourself become stagnant. Don't allow your grief to park you in a place and keep you there. You can get thru this. In the beginning it is pure hell no doubt. You have to not think about the next day while grieving. Just the day your in. The future will take care of itself. Be patient with yourself. Do not let others tell you how to get thru this. And there will always be so called experts who will try. Let your self find your way, your own path. Give it time. And remember what your spouse would want for you. The best way to honor their memory is to live the life you have. To find that happiness in your future that's your's. And not let that precious memory stop you from moving into that next chapter of your life. I never said it was easy. It isn't. But it is possible. But remember everyone is different and deal with things in their own way. You have to find you own way. But don't forget to take those steps along the way. Even when you don't feel you have a reason to, there is always a reason to live. Just keep breathing and moving forward at your pace as long as your moving. I promise it can and will get better given enough time. My prayers are with all those new folks in those dark days now and for them to come into the light for that new chapter in their life.

Please take care of yourselves.

Peace, Tim