What does your heart say? My home is my memory sanctuary also. Paul and I did many projects here, raised our kids here(it's me and the 13 yr old now because our daughter is in college) and I'm very attached to this home. But, when my son is independent, if my kids don't settle in this area, I'll sell & be by them. The house isn't my life, my family is. It was the times Paul & I shared here, not the building. Paul used to say "everything has it's run." Yes, indeed.

My family is in another state. If I could I'd move to be near them in a minute.
Onward said it !! Family is everything.
Maureen

What a great opportunity for you...... Move to the house on your sons street. I just made the decision to sell the house my husband and I built in SC as our retirement home. ( I live in NJ) As much as I went back and forth because I was feeling so emotional, I KNOW it's the right thing to do. Onward1 said it......it's not the house, it's the memories you shared there and yes, everything does have it's run.
My family is in NJ and it's most important to me to be near them than anywhere else!
So.....with that said, make the move, be close to your family and make some new memories in your new home!
Good luck, Pam

I do live very near my daughter. I see her house from when I am sitting right now. So, I have the "perfect" situation. However, I was not prepared for one aspect of living so close. I thought that my daughter and I were fairly close but I had to adjust my ideas quite a bit after Jake died. I thought that I would be a regular part of my daughter's family's life and that just has not happened. My daughter almost never comes over here except to pick up or drop off one of the grandkids--and seldom even for that because I pick them up from her house most of the time. I am invited over for birthday dinners and some holidays--that's it.

I don't know what your relationship is with your son and his family but you might not see them as much as you would like to even if you live down the street. I have had to get over being hurt from that and accept the few minutes that I see my daughter when I pick up the grandkids to come and visit after school.

I think Irs55 makes a good point. Maybe you can see how your son reacts to the idea. Maybe consider something closer but not on the same block.

I think it is too soon, and you are counting on family support that may not be there or that would not make that big a difference to your pain.

When my father died, my mother relied on me and Cliff a lot. We lived in the same town, about a mile from each other. I was there all the time, whenever she needed anything, just as I had been when Daddy was sick and throughout the (losing) battle with cancer. Momma looked after my son, too, and yes that was a delight for her - for a time - but eventually she tired of that, too. It put a big strain on my marriage to have to look after Momma, on top of everything else. And everytime she had a panic attack she would call me to take her to the doctor, and I nearly lost my job because I was taking so much time off. I helped her every way I could, and every way I could think of, but after 42 years together, all she really wanted was Daddy. No matter how much we gave, no matter how much time she got to spend with my kids, what she really wanted was Daddy. Eventually, one of my brothers relocated to Florida and she went with him, and then he had to look after her, to the detriment of his own life. He never married, never had kids -- he had Momma. I moved to Florida to help look after her so he could have a life. She died 6 months later. My brother lost his window of opportunity for his own life. He is still alone, and at 60, will probably remain so for the rest of his days. Momma's lack of independence cost us both dearly. We did our best, we honored our father and mother as the Commandments told us we must, but we did pay a price for that devotion.

I think before you make such a huge decision that you need to have a very open and candid discussion with the family. Personally, I would give my eye teeth to have family only 30 minutes away now. My sister was 30 minutes away when Cliff died and I was bereaved, and we were together a lot - A LOT. 30 minutes is nothing. And we were on the phone or e-mailing when we weren't hanging out together. I think you need to discuss with your family what it is you think you will need and whether they can provide that. I think you may find there are other options instead of giving up your home and all it means to you.

I think you need to think as clearly as possible about what exactly you feel your needs are and how you think your kids are going to fill those needs.

What if you had a weekly or twice monthly dinner at your house to get everybody together? What if you had a weekly phone call or even Skype webcam call with your sisters? I do that with mine - I am actually more in touch with some of my siblings thanks to technology now. My in-laws are an hour away, and all my family is either in Florida or California - I live in England now. E-mails and webcam calls are standard for us. Just a thought...

I hope you find a solution that works for you and for your family, and I don't mean to be discouraging, I just always worry when I think someone is rushing into a major decision, especially when they are relatively new to all this. I am only trying to help.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I totally agree with Martha. she is a lady of much wisdom. I hope that you will strongly consider what she said because once you give up your house you will never get it back and as they say hindsite is 20/20. Good luck as you struggle with this tough decision.

I am 20 months. A few months into this grieving process, I was dead serious about moving from my paid for home. I am also centerly located from all my children, within 30 minutes in every direction. I didn't want to be here this winter. But as time passed, I found, it is paid for, and I don't have to work. I KNOW this house. All its problems, and I am comfortable here. So I am glad I stayed. I don't have to depend on my children to help me. They can come visit me, or I can meet them somewhere. I can no longer see to drive at night. But I get things done, and have my butt home before dark....lol Moving closer to one, will mean moving further from the others.... I am home. It is my home,...

But the next door neighbor said when her husband died, the best thing she ever did was move. She could no longer live in their home after he died..... Good luck on your choice....Sandee

btw..... months pass before my kids even come to visit. Sometimes they even call for a month at a time. They are too busy with their families..

Everything about your post tells me your heart wants to do it. I say listen to your heart. That said if you had a close relationship with your son and his family before your loss it will then flourish but if there wasnt much of a relationship dont go in with preset expectations or you will set yourself up for disappointment. Wishing you only the best with this decision. Gerry

I think I would move but it would be with the mindset that I like having my son close by & not expecting him & his family to alter their lifestyle for me. It might be smart to check out what living in the area would be like for you. You want to be able to live independently, get to the stores on your own, basically have a life there without having to call on your son all the time. As far as leaving your present home, take things that trigger good memories.

My husband and I downsized less than 2 years before he died and I'm glad we made the decision together without the knowledge he would pass so soon.

It's over 9 years now and I still live upstairs in an apartment above my daughter and SIL. I wouldn't trade it for the world. It gives me comfort and peace to know someone who loves me is so close, but that doesn't mean that it's good for everyone. She was a big help with her dad's illness but my son was here too. I've seen many find the close proximity causes it's own problems. Our children need their privacy and so do you.

Just know Everything may be or may not be as you imagine. Sharon

Just wanted to report from the other side: I moved in with my parents when my mother was sick. She was not expected to live long, but I was blessed to have her for nine years. She insisted that I not sacrifice my life for her. She'd done that for her mother and had suffer. She would worry if I took a day off work or didn't date. I became better at hiding the sacrifices, so she was happy in the knowledge that my life had not been affected. She would have been saddened to know that my career did suffer, but in my mind I rather have been there for her than to have a great career.

I wanted to do the same for my dad, but that's a long unhappy story. Long story short, after my husband passed, I moved in with dad to take care of him. He resented me for it and our relationship is in the tank even now. He felt I was taking away his independence. I ended up moving out.

Everyone is different. Looking back, I wished I'd sat down with my dad and made sure I was wanted. Honest communication is key, but it's hard . I mean I hid my sacrifices from my mom very well. My dad hid his true feelings from me as well.

Being closer to your son as long as there is no expectations would be good but also if this is in the same area where your sisters are, then it would be a great asset if you usually spend time with them. Normally the advice is to wait a year before major decisions but in your case it has been 10 months and you should be able to come to what is right for you. It has been 21 months for me and I struggle with the upkeep of what this house entails. Unfortunately because of carrying a mortgage, it would not be financially good to downsize. I do however eventually want to downsize so that I could hire certain services such as lawn maintenance so that my life would be easier. Do you take part in social groups where you live currently? That also makes a difference. In the new place would you have better access to joining social groups and activities so that you could be independent ? Whatever you chose good luck.

My thanks to all of you for taking the time to post all of your thoughtful comments. After much thought and family discussion, I have decided to stay put for now. I will be going through enough as the anniversary of his death on January 4th approaches. Coupled with the holidays that will be quite enough to deal with!