Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Nicola37 10/01/2011

I've had a really low day today, the pain really hurts, and my little boy was feeling it too. His daddy has gone, and he needs me to comfort him, so we sit and cry together. To comfort your child whilst trying to exist yourself is somewhat a struggle to say the least. So we opened our memory boxes and looked at all the good memories we have in there. Then we decided to take the stabilisers off Thoms bike; frustration set in cos I couldn't get them off, then Thom told me that daddy has this adjustable spanner in his tool box that we can use, and hey presto we did it! Thom went up and down the street practicing and yes! he can now ride his bike with just two wheels. I felt so proud, but then tearful cos Ric wasn't there to see, then Thom said mummy, daddy did see because he is watching me from heaven. I feel so deeply sad for his loss but he is a courageous, brave little boy, and I am so proud xx

deleted_user 10/02/2011

Wow, that must be extraordinarily difficult. My kids were pretty much grown when my Wife passed.

cleodoggie 10/02/2011

My kids were grown when Jim died but my grandchildren struggled with his death. My grandson tugs at my heartstrings when he tells me how much he misses his grandpa.Big hugs to you.

michaelbmanning 10/02/2011

I think you and I wish that our husbands can see what our kids do. I went through this same thing a few weeks ago when the baby took his first steps. He was born after Mike died and I pray that I will find some way for him to know his dad. Hugs to you.

Maggie

jremee 10/02/2011

What a wonderful (and also heartbreaking) story...thanks for sharing. Take care and God Bless.

cliffskat 10/04/2011

It's hard because it's like grieving twice - once for your own heartbreak and once for your kids. As a parent, you want to take away their pain, but there isn't anything you can do this time to 'make it all better.' A lot of the anger stage I went through when Cliff died was because of how unfair it was for our two sons to have to lose THEIR best friend and hero.

Hugs to you and your little one, Martha

Nicola37 10/04/2011

Thank you for all your messages. Maggie the best way I have found to help Thom remember his daddy, is to put together memory boxes of things that Ric had, cards that he gave us, pictures etc. We also have a memory book to write in all the special memories we had together. I know it's different for your baby but if you built this up now, you will be able to show her what a great daddy she had - just an idea x
Martha, I know exactly what you mean, as a mum you can't make it better. Shortly after Ric died, Thom made a comment " well can't we just buy a new daddy" to me, like he is a broken toy. It hurt like hell, but that is a child's innocence. I've wished so many times that I could say to Thom it's all been a mistake, daddy hasnt died, but that will never happen. We have a little talk every night now about Daddy and although I've probably told the same stories about Ric countless times, if this is the only comfort I can offer than so be it. Ric would be devastated that he has left us both, he doted on Thom and never could I have imagined he wouldn't be here to see him grow up. Hugs to you all xxx

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