Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Nancyc57 10/07/2015

I was Britt's wife of 28 years, best friends since we were 9 years old. Who am I without him? Everything for 28 years has been shared with him. I was married longer than I had my maiden name. I loved being married. I love having a companion to talk to, go fishing and camping with. Out of the blue he was diagnosed with cancer and then died 3 weeks later. Its been 2 years now and I still am asking these questions. Life has been a roller coaster of emotions, I am so scared for my future. I am shutting my self off from my friends because I don't fit in anymore. I hate the loneliness. I envy the couples I see together. I wish I could take an ad out in the newspaper stating " friendly woman will cook, clean and make you laugh if you will just let her tag along with you on your camping trip" sad and desperate I know.
I just long to feel normal again. I guess I am at the bottom of my roller coaster today.

deleted_user 10/07/2015

OMG! You can't take out that ad because it's mine!

I just want to BE with him, to share and hold him. To be someone's wife again, to be someone's someone again!!!

Nancy, I totally get what you're saying.........I was so special to Morey and he to me. Now, no one is in love with me! No one is my very dearest friend anymore. No one love me like he loved me!!!!

Roz

Nancyc57 10/07/2015

Exactly Roz. I just want to be someone's something...anything. My husband was so in love with me and I know how lucky I was. Thank you for the laugh after reading your heading about the ad. I though people were going to think I was crazy. Nice to know someone else understands the meaning. When I see a camper with families, I just want to jump in the truck and say "please take me with you". I know everyone says " Just be glad you had that kind of love" and I do, but they do not understand that my world just froze in place when he died so suddenly. Thanks for responding. I feel better now, Hugs, Nancy

joannklingaman 10/07/2015

Oh Nancy

Your words so resonate with me. Your right about being married longer than your Maiden name & sometimes longer than people live.

When I start to think about the future, it brings me to tears because my future was with Larry ..... For me normal isn't even a word anymore..

Hang in there... JoAnn

deleted_user 10/07/2015

See, Nancy, we're not alone. I know you feel like you are but you're not, I promise you!

I thought we'd go to sleep when we were both in our 90's and just drift off to death together. I NEVER wanted to be left here to carry on without him-NEVER!

When you're feeling your loneliest remember you really NOT alone, there are lot's of us who are feeling just the way you are and we share in your pain.

Roz

sunflowerblue 10/07/2015

Dear Nancy, So sorry you are on the bottom of the "roller coaster" ride today. Whenever I look at a couple together, I don't envy them at all, because the first thing I think of when I see them is that some day, one of them is going to be alone.

I understand totally all your feelings of loneliness, shutting off friends, same here, but camping and with someone else's family would never be the same as it was with your husband. You would only be thinking of him and wishing to be only with him. Hope your spirits lift soon and have fun and happy days and laughter if you can to help you.
Hugs and sunflowers. Nanette

Rainbow27 10/07/2015

thank you for this wonderful post. I totally feel the same emotions. I discussed with a counselor once and said I feel so all alone no matter if 80 people were around me. My husband was my best friend, hero, protector, and just the love of my life. I also miss being part of a couple. I try so hard to keep it all together and make a new life but my heart has a big hole.

sandeestttn 10/07/2015

I got married soon as I turned 16, we were married 48 years when he died... I knew him all my life....

loveddogs 10/08/2015

I understand how you feel Nancy. I have my camper sitting in the drive way. I don't want to get rid of it, but he isn't here to share those trips with me. In fact it has been sitting there for the past three years waiting for him to feel well enough to go again. But that didn't happen. My whole family loves camping but this past summer was way too soon for me to join. I am hoping by next summer I will find the gumption to go again. Maybe take me two grands with me. Not planning anything at this time, but I don't want to regret selling it either. Hugs and Love to you, Michele

tiger1962 10/08/2015

Who are we, without our spouses? In my case, I am the husband of my wife, as always and will be. But I also start learning to be myself...it is a very difficult process...waking up myself, coming home without her greeting...the most difficult part, of course, is her absence in making decisions. But, gradually, particularly when I start incorporating her in my heart and I realized that she is there making decisions...she never leaves me...she just changes residence...from my house to my heart. Go on...try it....asking your loved ones in times of decisions-- any decisions you used to make together...talk to them...imagine your loved ones are making decisions....you will find they are there...indeed they never leave..they live in your heart--the house that belongs to only your both...Hugs, Tiger

kamara 10/08/2015

I just found this website and this is the first post I'm reading through and it just resonates with me.

It's been 15 months since I lost my husband but I've been the lost one. 40 years married and now no one with the same memories I have and no future that we will have together.

Thanks for sharing these thoughts. My husband was the first of our friends to pass away so I don't have friends who really understand what I'm going through.

jeanatds 10/09/2015

I realized only recently that I'm now single for longer than I was married, 28 yrs and 7 months, it happened last March, meaningless I suppose but strange. I did the same thing with friends but have now reconnected with some, fitting in in a different way than before. It takes so much time. I like your ad. I'm a camper too.

Year 1 I didn't recognize
Year 2 I tried to fantasize
Year 3 I confronted a future
Year 4 I'm beginning to recognize

Hugs,
Jean

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