Awww! The wonderful world of medication. My husband was battling cancer for the last 18 months of his life. I was his primary caregiver and found that I was extremely depressed and very anxious. After speaking with my doctor, it was decided that I would take Effexor. I was up to 300mg daily at the time Jim passed. For the first month all I could do was cry. Cried over EVERYTHING. Then I think I ran out of tears, because I started sleeping ALL the time. After about 2 1/2 months, I spoke with the doctor again. He added Prozac 40mg to the Effexor I was already taking. After about 3 weeks, I was sweating profusely all the time. Read the "side effects" of both of these meds and found they were the culprit. I stopped the Prozac after checking with the doc. The sweats were better, but still there. So the following week (on my own) I stopped the Effexor. This is HIGHLY NOT recommended. You need to be weaned off that medication. Bottom line, Yes, medication can help to take the edge off and help you to feel a little more like normal. But eventually, we have to accept that our loved one is not coming back. The love you shared with him/her will live in your heart forever. And life will go on, as much as we don't initially want to or believe we are able to, it will happen. I am almost 4 months into this nasty rocky road and I still have moments, OK sometimes days, when I don't want to continue making those baby steps without him. But I absolutely know that is what he would want me to do. Do that in YOUR time. when you feel you are able to. Don't let anyone try to make you feel that it is time to get over it. I just tell myself, That is Not acceptable to allow someone to make you feel that way. One day at a time, that is all we can do. Hugs to you, my friend. You will make it through this and if the medication helps, use it. You and only YOU will know when you can stop taking it. Know that the folks here are wonderful with advice that really helps. Keep on Keeping On.

I have never been on meds but when I lost Al, I was also crying all the time. My nurse practitioner put me on 50mg of Zoloft. It did help. After the first anniversary of Al's passing, I decided to stop. And, yes, I was instructed to wein myself off slowly.

I do find myself crying alot and my energy seems to be gone a lot but I am pushing myself to look ahead. People told me the second year is often harder because friends and family who dotted on you are back to their own lives (as they should be) and the lonliness and realization Al isn't coming back really hit me.

There is a natural anti-depressant called St. Johns Wort. I am going to consider that.

Hi Pat, There is nothing wrong with taking what your doctor prescribes. I you find it is helping you cope, that is a good thing. Not a one of us wants to stay on medication -- me, for years I'd barely take an aspirin. But now I'm on 2 different anti-depressants -- while I'm doing alright on the outside appearance, my ability to think and remember has been severely impaired and I've got to continue working. Time will heal us, but somehow we have to get from point A to point B. Glad you found us here Patricia ~~~ Scottie

My husband had Valiums. During the first few weeks, I couldn't have gotten through without them. Then one here or there when it got real bad. He had 60. After 3 years, there are 10 left. So I took 50 in 3 years. Ya gotta do what gets you through...Sandee

I am taking generic Xanax too Patricia. I don't take them as prescribed, but take one when I have trouble falling to sleep. For the first six weeks it was every night. For awhile it was about every other night. Right now, it has been about a week since I have taken one. My rule of thumb is if is 3 AM and I'm still tossing and turning- I take one.

I cry a lot too. To my dismay, sometimes something will happen at work and I will cry there. Fortunately for me, I don't see much of the public in my position, and most of my job consists of dealing with incoming phone calls- and calling folks can't see my silent tears. I have become pretty adept at not letting my voice belie my emotions. It sucks- but I have gotten good at it. When I cry- co-workers that are near me either don't notice or ignore. I am okay with that.

Besides crying at work, I don't mind crying. The greatest crying jabs happen when I am alone, in the evening, and I think it helps me to just let it all hang out. Throughout the day things happen that make me want to curl up and refuse to go on- but I force myself to keep going. At night, I allow myself to release the pressure that has built up. It seems to be working for me right now.

In my opinion, you need to do what works for you. I wouldn't worry a whole lot about decency issues with medications a doctor is prescribing. It is the doctor's job to monitor that aspect. On the other hand, if you are having a good day or night, and don't feel like you need that dose, I wouldn't worry much about skipping it either.

Thinking of you!

Dependency- not decency! Doggone it!!!! I don't want you to think I think you are indecent! LOL! I would love to blame Auto-correct, but this time I think the mistake was all mine. Forgive me please!

I've used Xanax on and off for years when I can't sleep. So for those who believe that it is "highly addictive" and you will become a Xanax zombie...that hasn't been my experience at all.

I used to be able to go 4 or 5 nights without 0.25 mg Xanax, but now I take 0.25 mg each night. Some nights I take more after 1/2 hour if I am tossing and turning.

I have never taken Xanax during the day because I use it for sleeplessness only and I don't want to nod off during the day. But it is anti-anxiety, so if you need it, go for it. Just realize you might be napping because that's how it works for me.

Anything that helps us, especially in the beginning, is a very good thing. I don't cry much and I worry about this; those why cry are probably dealing with things better than I am, so I sometimes think you are doing better. But we all do what we have to at the time.

I've made it one month and for that I am proud. Didn't know I could even make it a month without my guy.

Hang in there, Patricia! Hugs...

Like most of us who work, the evening time is the most difficult. Unless, like me, you have a 95lb dog who thinks it's perfectly okay to throw every toy in his toy box AT ME! And, thinks that laying ON my feet is where he needs to be!

Your concerns are so valid. As time goes by you will be able to handle a lot more than you thought you could.

If you take meds to see you through the grieving then so be it. You MUST sleep and you MUST keep hydrated. Those tears will drain your body of all it's moisture and then you'll be looking like a prune!

I wish you better days ahead,
Roz