Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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I did it!

lizbeth9
lizbeth9
When you were a couple or 42 years, like my husband and I, I have found it very hard to go out to places by myself. I mean like places to socialize with other people, mainly couples. After about a year after Felix passed, my dear friends took me out with them to do karaoke. I had alot of fun, met alot of people and have continued to go with them, once a week. This week, they went to visit their son in Texas. I decided to try to go to our karaoke hang out by myself. All day, it was on my mind. I even got a bad nervous stomach. My daughter gave me a big pep talk and gave me support to do it. I DID IT!! I went by myself. I had a good time. I sat with different "regulars." They were very surprised to see me there without my friends. Funny thing though, I got home and started to cry very hard. I was also very angry. Angry that I was in this situation, being alone. After I had my little pity cry, I came to the conclusion that I did good, and it was a small important step for me. I did it and I am proud of myself.
lizbeth9
lizbeth9
I meant to write a couple for 42 years. I also meant to put that I have been widowed for almost 3 years.
ramar
ramar
Good for you. I hope to get where you are someday. Only 5 weeks for me and I have trouble going to the grocery store alone. We always went together..I cry on the way home and fight the tears in the store when I look at items Ray would have bought for himself..This life sucks!
garmel
garmel
So happy for you!! WTG! I hope I get to that point some day. Right now I am pretty much like ramar. You have gave me hope!
mclizm
mclizm
So proud of you. That's a great achievement. I'm still working up the courage to go out to eat on my own! I can understand crying when you got home. It was another milestone. Thanks for sharing and showing there is light at the end of the tunnel. Hugs to you. Liz
KimKos
KimKos
Good Job!!! I am hoping to one day do something similar...just want to get out there and have some kick a** fun ...in a totally new environment..ahh one day at a time
jeanatds
jeanatds
Way to go Liz! I'm going on almost 4 years after being married 28. I think you did very good. I think the sadness that comes with these accomplishments is the heartbreak of knowing that life is indeed going on without our loved one. Prayers to all!
dschwartz
dschwartz
Kudos Lizbeth . . . you should be proud! As a fellow DS member reminded me recently it's getting the "momentum" to do it that's the hardest, but once accomplished, much to feel good about! I agree with Terri . . I think the tears may have been more of a release of overcoming the fear and realizing success. You are growing and moving beyond what you imagined capable! Atta girl. Thanks for giving us all hope. Big hug, Dayna
deleted_user
deleted_user
lizbeth, that was huge. I mean HUGE!!! Going out socializing by yourself. YOU are my HERO of the week!

You're showing all of us that it's okay to be scared and really okay to do it and even okay to cry about it or for whatever reason the tears came and you didn't beat yourself up for doing it!

Remember the song, "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to", well it holds true right here.

Everyday that we try something new and challenging we can throw ourselves a "party" and, we can cry if we want to!

Thanks for sharing your accomplishment with us.

Roz
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
You have taken a huge step and being brought to tears when you returned home was the same as I felt too. It is still a huge accomplishment and you are right to taking care of you. That's what your husband would want. Sharon
rlc56
rlc56
Congratulations!! Your post gives me hope but right now I stuck. It's been six months today since Ray passed and tomorrow is my birthday. Facing another first.
Hugs
deleted_user
deleted_user
ric56, Happy Birthday!!! Funny how birthday's just keep coming and don't care what's happened in between!

I'm wishing you brighter days and sunny moments that inspire you to live again!

It's YOUR life now......what are you going to do with it?

Roz
lizbeth9
lizbeth9
Thank you so much for the cheers and high fives on my baby step. I love how I can come here to ds and get support from you all. Although I have family and friends that do give me support, I know that I can talk about those things that they wouldn't understand because they aren't living it like my support group here. I can cry, tell you about it, and I get reasons or ideas about why I may be feeling like that.You know what I mean? You get me, we get each other. Also, I just want to let those who are new to this journey we are on, it does and will get better in time. Hugs to all!
deauxgirl
deauxgirl
I was with my husband for 40 years, so I know exactly how you feel. What a great thing to do. I've always wanted to do Karaoke, but don't really drink, and I've heard you need a little to get your courage up. One day I'll do it. You give everyone encouragement to just "do it"

Paula
lizbeth9
lizbeth9
Lol, Paula! I have been singing in my church choir for over 30 years and I certainly don't drink before I go up there. I know what you're saying though, not offended or anything. I never thought I would ever sing at a karaoke bar before either. It was just another something to do to avoid being lonely every single night. After a while, you do get enough courage and try different things to avoid that. Hugs to you and have a good day.
kelleysgirl
kelleysgirl
Wow ..... you just go girl :) I remember the first social outing after DH's death that I went to alone. I thought I could handle it, and I did ok for a little while, but ended up leaving the affair in a puddle of tears. Just not having him by my side at a function that he would have loved, sent me into an emotional tail spin. But as time went on, I've become more comfortable doing things on my own. You did good and I'm proud of you!