Thank you everyone for your wonderful words of encouragement. It makes it so much easier knowing I can come here and be with people who truly understand my pain. No judgement just wonderfully, kind people. I made it through Christmas, was a very tearful couple of days, but I survived. I am still very much in my cocoon right now. I hope once the year of firsts is over I can start to transform and accept this new person I am, and come to terms with my new life.
God bless you all.

Words from my 48 year old son, that lives with me. I don't understand what he is going through. He said I was old (65) and wasn't lonely like he is, cause it don't matter to me. That I liked being alone.... I said, no, it is different, it is worse. He said no, your husband died, my wife kicked me out, So she could have boyfriends. He said I was doing fine, after he has watched me cry solid for the last two weeks. NO COMPASSION!!!!!..... So I am supporting him, and trying to scrape through.

Oh Sandee, I am so sorry you are going through this with your son too. Big AZ hugs coming your way.

Alone in a crowded room. Untethered and sinking in a screaming sea. This pain is paralysing, but the days go on. They say time heals, but gee these wounds are deep.
Words of wisdom given to me which I am trying to understand and practise....be gentle and kind to yourself. Hopefully you can use them to help you.

The loneliness is the second hardest to conquer in this journey. Our lives have changed forever and we don't know how to make it stop from hurting. It has been over two years for me. And it has taken a while for me to come to grips with being alone. I do still have children home but as you know that is not the same. I will say as advice given from someone here, take small steps and remember to find yourself again. It is not an easy task, but you need to find things you enjoy doing. I definitely still have my moments or days but I have finally learned that I can breathe again without it feeling like I am being smothered by grieving. Prayers to all and may each of you have a blessed New Year!! SS

Hugs and hang in there it does get better. I am so very lucky to have been able to move near my daughter and begin new traditions in a new place. There were lots of tears but also lots of joy this holiday season. It feels good when you finally can live again and it will happen! Let us hope 2015 is a better year for all of us!

I'm so sorry for the loneliness you're feeling fish. Today I paid a visit to the cemetery as well. For me it'll be coming onto 4 years this Feb., and while the day to day memories don't have the sting they used to, the holidays and birthdays still seem to be a lonely time, regardless of where I am. I guess there's no real timetable, as we're all very different, but I do remember my first year of firsts, as another poster mentioned. It was much the same as you mention, a terribly sad and painful time.
If there was something I could say to help I would, but I'm sorry for your loss, and again, I'm sorry for the pain you're going through.

Sorry for you loss. I to can the loneliness your going through as now I sit here in my house, begin lonely. Its hard to cope with and this is the first year with out my Larry. 2015 will be a better year for all of us.
Sorry for your pain too as I feel it May God Bless Vickie

It's hard and sad. However, you have to go through it--operative word, through--you will come out the other side if you create new positive memories. It is not easy, but it will get easier. My first Christmas, I didn't have the heart to do anything, but I had always had brunch for extended family and my girl friends got me decorated and I had brunch and cried during a prayer. We were all feeling loss. We all needed some tears and memories. It was especially good for my sons. I'm sending out a big hug and prayer that you can find try to celebrate in the blur that these first years will be.

I agree with Gerry, let the tears flow. Its hard when you feel so lonely and you miss what you had. Just take one day at a time and keep breathing you will get there. Big hugs to you, xx

One day, one month, one tear, one year, one holiday, one birthday, one milestone at a time.......BABY STEPS!

How we do it, I can't say.....we just DO IT!

My journey is different than yours but still it's a painful journey that we're on.

How I deal may be different then how you deal but no matter, its still very painful!

My arms are around you, I encompass you. My heart is full, I feel there's no more room for anything.....no more pain, no more sorrow and yet I want to help YOU. I don't want you to be sad or feel the pain of such a great loss. I don't want you to feel such loneliness and feel so completely alone. I'm so sorry!

Roz