Welcome to the best place to be that no one wants to be at.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Let the tears fall whenever they want and for however long they need to.
I'm at 8 months now and even tho it's a hard road and as you've probably read , a roller coaster of emotion, it is a travelable road .
Take care of yourself. Try your best to eat something every day. And rest if you can. Drink plenty of water to offset the tears. And know someone is always here for you
Hugs,
Nancy

Welcome and sorry for your loss of your husband. I know about a month after the funeral, reality sinks in. Friends and family go back to their normal lives but not for us. I remember feeling so alone at that point. And that is something I am trying to come to grips with is living alone... not easy. Especially for me, because I do not like being alone. Just take one minute of every day at a time. You will have breakdowns. I am only 3 months into this and still trying to find my way. I just joined last week because I had a severe emotional breakdown about a week ago. But, today, I feel good... not great... but good. I guess the best thing you can do right now is focus on YOU and what you want and need.

Dear friend, you cope one hour at a time at first. My husband also passed away at home from leukemia. He spent much time in hospitals, but not 89 days at once. I'm sure you are still exhausted from that. I hope you have family and friends nearby for support. You also will find support here, 24/7. For me, the best coping skill was trying to take each day as it came. Don't try to plan the future right away. Find at least one thing (more if you can) to be thankful for each day (home, car, family, pets, God's love, friends etc.) It is very hard to focus and accomplish tasks during the first weeks following this loss. Don't let it overwhelm you - do what is possible each day. There are some good books on grief that might help you - when you are able to read:
"I wasn't ready to say goodbye" by Brooke Noel & Pamela blair

"7 Choices: Finding Daylight after Loss Shatters Your World" by Eliz. Harper Neeld

DS is a good place to find understanding and support.
Hugs, Doye

Thank you so much for responding and making me feel welcome.
I would appreciate any book recommendations.

janie

I am so sorry for your loss. The friends you will meet here are on the same journey and are so supportive!! I know I find comfort each day on DS and am so thankful for it. This is a roller coaster ride. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I lost my Art on May 19th. Tomorrow will be the 3 month mark for me. When the pain gets bad, let it come out. Cry as much as you need too. My tears flow every day. I am having some good days now. Take it one hour at a time, one day at a time. We know the pain you are suffering. We are here for you!! Sue.

Cry all you need to- it helps. I lost my husband in May, very suddenly, and my mom had died prior to that at the end of January. We buried them 2 weeks apart. Mom was in hospice for over a week before she died of lung cancer-it was slow and painful and hard to watch so I can sympathize with you. It isn't any easier when it is sudden. I hear you about saying the word, "widow," every time I think the word it sounds so foreign and not possible. The hardest part is feeling like half a person. You words sound so much like mine; after 42 years of marriage I feel like my heart is gone as well. Try to keep in the moment when you can thinking about the future is hard and memories hurt right now. Most importantly of all, let the grief come do not keep it inside. There are many people on this site who are loving and caring and, even though I am new to this site as well, they have helped me already.
Hugs and love to you. Marsha

Very sorry about your loss. We are all here to help one another get through this "journey" of widow/widower. It is 13 months for me since my dear husband passed and how I got to this point I'll never really know. All I can say is one step, one day, one second at a time. Cry when you want. It's okay. Rest as often as you can and try to eat something each day. John Legend has a song in which he sings: " My heads underwater, but, I'm breathing fine..." This so described me. I was drowning and yet, I was still breathing. I still feel this way from time to time. A book that I received that I would highly recommend for you to read is "A time to Grieve" by Carol Staudacher. It offers different meditations for healing. You can skip around the book to read different passages, at times of needs. This was the best book for me up to this point. May you have peace. Hugs. Geri

Janie,
It really hurts....I know. My Morey passed almost 500 days ago. I work a full time job and cry my way home from work every single day. I'm not crying as long or as hard but the tears still come. I miss him so much, I miss holding his hand and kissing him!

Morey had a spinal cord stroke and couldn't walk the last 3 weeks of his life. It broke my heart to watch this football player, active, independently wonderful man made absolutely dependent on everyone.

He died in his sleep and I pray that it was easy for him.

I know how you're feeling and what you're going through. Know that you are not alone. For me I feel like a huge puzzle, with pieces missing.....slowly, ever so slowly the pieces are going in and out in preparation for my life to begin, to begin differently.

When I cried to our daughter that I was a "widow", she said, "you're not widow mommy, you're big!!!!" Made me smile, just made me smile, actually for the first time, in so long.....I giggled!

We're here for you.

Love,
Roz

So sorry that you have to go through this. I lost my husband 4 months ago to cancer. I, too, brought him home to Hospice after 7 weeks in the hospital. He died less than 2 weeks later. It was important for him to come home and I was certainly going to give him that. Crying is good for you. I would find that no matter how hard I would try not to cry at certain times, it would just pour. That is a big part of the healing process and I think it will continue for a very long time - maybe not as often. It is comforting to be able to communicate with others who can validate your feelings. Also, I go to a Grief Share group and find it very helpful and have made some new friends. If you aren't familiar with it, you can go online and find a group near you - it is nationwide. I have read several books on grief and that has also been helpful. A couple of my favorites are "On Life After Death," and "Happily Even After." Keep coming back to this site. There is nothing that you are feeling or going through that someone here hasn't felt or experienced. Hugs, Norma

Welcome to the group that no one wants to be a part of. Today is the 3 month anniversary of my husbands death. He died after fighting bile duct cancer for 8 months. I found this site about a month ago, and it was the first time I was among a group of people that understood what I was going through. Everyone here gets it, and it is a safe place to vent whatever you are feeling.

It has really been a roller coaster ride. I recently started feeling a little better, having some good days, and crying less. But...the last few days I had a major setback and have had a hard time. Coming here and posting helps, as well as attending the hospice bereavement group. I have also started seeing a therapist.

Hang in there. Take it a day at a time. Ask for help when you need it. Be kind to yourself. And come here often for support.

Hugs to you,
Lori

I am so sorry for your loss. I always feel hesitant to say welcome to the group just because, but I am glad it was here for me and I know everyone here will be of help to you too. I just bought this book and have read about 30% of it so far. I wish I had discovered it a year ago. It is: How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies by Rando, Therese A. It helps you understand what is happening to you, the path you now have to walk. The first year we are in a fog and we don't process things well. Some people think they are going crazy, I did. It's just the mind's way of protecting you from reality.

Take care of yourself, get rest, eat well. Too often we tend to not do that and cause ourselves other health issues. Also remember to breathe. I know that sounds strange but just remember to do it. Deep breaths help.

Take care and God Bless

Jeff

I really related to your comment that when he left, he took my heart with him. That is truly the case. I don't know if my heart will ever heal. Sending you my support.

Hi Janie - I am so sorry for your loss. My husband died unexpectedly just over 2 and a half months ago. I write that and can't believe it - it seems like yesterday and a lifetime ago at the same time.

A book I have gotten a great deal from is Widow to Widow by Genevieve Davis Ginsburg, M.S. I appreciate that some people do not care for the term "widow," but for some reason it doesn't bother me. But then I haven't had to "use" it yet - on forms or whatever. I started reading the book about a month ago. At first I was too raw to read anything, although I did find this wonderful site! So although I recommend Widow to Widow, give it a little time first.

I join everyone else in saying cry freely and take care of yourself.
Karen

Thank you ALL for your welcoming responses, messages, hugs and prayers.
I am so relieved to find this group. Just knowing that someone understands is helping.

janie

Hi. I`m glad that you found this group where you will be able to share your feelings , virtually scream or vent without being judged or pitied for it. Everyone here is travelling the same voyage . Different routes but same destination which will bring us to a place where grieve, while still a part of you, is not all consuming.
I am a few days short of 19 months in my journey since losing Howie. He was 52 and I was 48. At the time I felt like you feel that he took my heart with him but soon afterwards I realized that he had not taken it, instead he had left it behind shattered. Little by little with many ups and downs (mostly downs at first) my heart is healing . Not perfect, not whole but pieced back together and scarred. Much better results then I ever thought of achieving in my intense grieve of the beginning. Gently friends here and outside of here lift me up and surrounded me with understanding and kindness so that little by little the hurt could make room for acceptance and hope.
The fear of forgetting him was addressed and put to rest here as so many lived the same worries. Realizing that the fog , memory lost , clumsiness etc are all part of grieving was another knowledge found here. Eventually little by little the fog does lifts even if it leaves behind rainy days.
My grieve now is at a point where I feel I have come out of the war zone. That battle will forever live in my history but I survived and I am learning to cope with the devastation it left behind.

I want you to know that In you lives an inner strength that will manifest itself bit by bit even if you are unaware. It is the sparks that keeps you breathing and moving one foot forward. At this point in your journey that`s all you need to do. Breathe and move one foot forward. Cry , rant, scream and know that virtually we care and are always here to listen.
XOXO