Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I guess today my post will be more of a rant. Today makes 7 months since my husband passed. Somedays it feels like he never even exsisted. I have to take his picture out and look at it to make sure he was even real. I moved to be closer to my family but that has it's own set of issues. They love me and mean well but I think they just think I should just move on with my life and not look back. They barely ever mention my husband and if I do I see them exchange these werid looks and change the subject. I want to tell them how lonely I am but I know they don't want to hear it. My father looks at me with such pity always asking how I am doing but not really wanting to know. In his world widows are to be dressed in black and pitied not to be included in society. I am going to a beavrement support group today but I am not sure how this will turn out as the last one I went to I ended up not returning to but that was also very early on.
I was so looking forward to this move, so proud I was able to get a mortgage on my own. I never though about the work the house needed. My contractor told me it would be about a month for everything to be finished. I have not bought furniture, figured I would wait until all the painting and the floors were done. I have been here 3 weeks and I am tired of it all. Tired of sleeping on a blow up mattress and living out my suitcases. Now I have to wait another month, I don't know if I can take it anymore. But I know I will and will do it with a smile on my face. I have to stay positive for my kids, I don't want them to know I am falling apart inside, that I cry while they are at school. They are both doing well in school and seem to be making friends. I get so happy whenever they tell me about something good that happened to them but I die a little inside each time because I want something good for me too.
In the last two days I have found out about 3 people I have known that have died. It seems so useless, I guess that is what is making this day so hard. The world still goes but death also does too.
The void that our spouse's left behind will remain exactly that, at least for me!
Other's may be lucky enough to see differently. Just wanted you to know that you're not alone in feeling this way. Everyone in this group can relate to some, if not most of what you're going thru....Keep posting, keep reaching out, keep ranting as needed....whatever it takes! Most importantly work on finding your old self, the way you were...then maybe it will help recreate the way it was.. that's my hope for myself, at least....God Bless, stay strong!
And I've experienced the same thing when mentioning my husband to people.. It's almost like you hesitate before speaking like, Is it safe to? But I want to keep his memory alive though I couldn't keep him alive!! It's my honor and love toward him to talk about him...
I'm sorry we've had them all ripped from us.