Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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knk2112 02/04/2016

I opened the paper this morning and found out that the medical examiners office that has been looking into my husband's death for the past five months has falsify paperwork and allowed someone without a license to do autopsies. Five families have been contacted and told their loved ones autopsies were not done by a medical examiner or a Doctor.

How do i ever trust what they say now? This office has been rude to me, refused to call the lab to check on the status and is under the impression my husband OD. Even if he did OD it was on medication that a Doctor gave him. The only person in the office who hasn't been a total dick to me is the guy who came to my house. But guess what???? It has take me FIVE MONTHS TO get a hold of him. As soon as I went over the day my beautiful and funny husband death I was told they would call me back again.

I don't want to be here without him anymore. I keep seeing him dead on our floor. I told mt husband yesterday that I hated him. He has to be so upset that this happened I am said I hated him I called him name and said things I have never said before, If he was listening I know I broke his heart. He didn't want to die but I can't seem to forgive him. I am crushed and just don't want to do this anymore without him. I knew him since I was just a kid.

Now I'm alone with a four year old. I can't do this without my husband's support. I didn't even get to say goodbye to him after we found him because it was a crime scene so I could touch him one last time.

I have to go to court on Tuesday on behalf of my husband so I can tell a judge why he couldn't work full time. I have to sit there and not cry while a judge from SSI decised if they should have give him SSI years ago.

I don't want to go to court but this is the only way my son will have a college fund. I am a shattered person and I don't even know what the hell happened. I just wanted to say goodbye to the man I loved and cherished for over 30 years How do I go on without him? i feel like I am hanging off a cliff and will fall any second.

Please GOD help me

Thanks for listening.

cgriff4ever 02/04/2016

I am so sorry you are going through this. My husband died, and I was the one along with a neighbor who found my husband crushed under his truck. He died, because of some physical things he couldnt do because of a work related injury. You are not alone, and I can;t even imagine what you must be goiing through. It's ok, to be upset at your husband, and others at first. This too will subside, it did for me anyways I can say, that in time, you will hopefully, be able to have a little more peace. I have bad days stilll, but more good days have been happening. I am not healed, and don;t think I ever will be, have just learned to accept that he is gone forever, and can;t ever come back, but maybe spiritually, if you believe in them being able to come back to comfort us, in times of needs.. much love and big hugs carla

rebl3157 02/04/2016

My heart broke for you as I read this. My husband was killed in a work accident. I had to wait 12 weeks for the autopsy report. I needed it to take to a workman comp hearing. And for his life insurance. Finally an attorney assistant told me to call the city commissioners office and not to hold back the tears. I had it the next day. They offered to deliver it to me. I had it delivered to my attorney. It will all work out for you.
Praying for you and your child,
Rachel

raininseattle 02/05/2016

My heart breaks for you. Cry, curse, do whatever you need to do to release your emotions. Be kind to yourself. Have the faith that you will get through the pain. Your son deserves a better future.

deleted_user 02/05/2016

knk, I'm so sorry that you're in so much pain.

Remember, without your loving touch and kind word your child will be lost.

We MUST carryon, not for ourselves, but for the children. They are innocent survivors in this war and they depend on us.

Each day that you give to your child will be a day when your heart starts to heal and you will become stronger and stronger.

Although your agony is very real and you're feeling so tormented, the confusion of it all is overwhelming for your child. Try and gather your strength and think of what he is going through inside his little mind and be present for him.

I wish you more peaceful days ahead,
Roz

Shrn 02/05/2016

I'm sorry for what you are going through. Loss of your husband is a terrible thing by itself, but often we are tormented by outside incompetence also. I went through it too. Take deep breathes and try to just close your eyes. It's okay to cry and you certainly have reason to be angry. Your husband knows what your going through and understands your anger. You are not alone. We understand. Sharon

cliffskat 02/05/2016

I am not a lawyer, but I would suggest you get a lawyer. You have been harmed by the fraudulent practices at the medical examiner's office. The District Attorney says they won't prosecute because they are not sure if they can. Well, that means - I think - that you can sue them, or at least demand a review by a competent, qualified pathologist so that you can have the answers you were entitled to get in the first place.

My guess is that the families of the other 5 people mentioned in the DA's report are probably doing that. There may be an attorney representing them as a group. If you already have a lawyer, call them. If you don't, you might want to contact the newspapers who reported on it to see if they know who is representing the other families. I cannot imagine that anyone on the receiving end of their misconduct would just walk away from this. I would think everybody would be mad as hell - and rightfully so! The funeral home may also have some information - I imagine it's put everybody involved in an awkward position.

I am so sorry this has happened to you. It is a disgrace, and I hope they nail those b******s. Sorry, but this is one of those things that really gets my goat.

Love and Big, Big Hugs,
Martha

lifeisunreal 02/05/2016

It broke my heart to read your post.

Scream and shout and let it all out. I have
no doubt your husband can hear you and
understands your anger. Cry and cry until
you can't cry any longer and then cry some
more.

Above, ask Him for help and be patient. I
can assure you He will help. That is the
main thing that has kept me halfway sane
for the past five months.

You are in my prayers.
Darrell

Nicker07 02/07/2016

OMG is all I can say.
THis is horrible horrifically horrible that people in these positions do not get what they put people through.

I think a consult with an attorney especially one who helps those with estate issues when a spouse dies. OR one who deals with medical fraud. It would be worth giving you some kind of knowledge to help.

Good luck Hugs

tim57 02/09/2016

Hey KNK,
I understand the anger and frustration you are feeling. I have been thru and still have bouts of it now after 5 months. The part where they say your husband OD. My wife was on pain management, doctor prescribed pain pills and her report said she accidently mixed up her medicine. Impossible. She was on this medication since "95. It wasn't new to her. The medication damaged her organs over the years causing what I believe to be a heart attack but no one is willing to admit it. Anyway just remember your child. They need you now more than ever, so put all your focus and efforts into doing what is best to protect them yourself. Keep the faith He is listening.
Peace, Tim

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