Sorry for the loss of your husband, and wish we could have cyber met under better circumstances. I am at 18 months and DS is an amazing place to be.for support. I lost my husband of 26 1/2 years to cancer also. Sending you prayers!! God Bless

I am sorry for your loss too. The ones to cancer stories hit me hard, since it is also how I lost my Knight in shining armor. Different cancer but the same time line 9 months and he was gone. I am almost 2 years now, it does get better, but never would i have wanted this, for me or my husband and anyone here.

Gentle hugs and welcome Jewells

Well I'm not a lady, lol, but we can relate to how you feel.

Your statement that you saw what cancer did to your spouse - turned a strong man into this weak person struck me as one way to look at it. I suppose that is what happens, but I like to think of it that they became weak due to the ferocious fight they put up in order to try to stay here for their family.

My wife presented with stage four colon cancer. But we were "lucky" that she responded well to treatment. We never really eliminated the cancer ( they could not detect it a few times ) but she had five operations and 180 chemotherapy treatments over 10 years.

And that last month she was at home in hospice, only able to talk in whispers. At the end her body jut shut down, could not swallow. And you are correct - this strong woman who brought four children into this world was weak and totally dependent on us for everything. She died a year ago in May and she winged her flight to the next life.

It may be difficult for you at this time, but please try to remember your husband as the strong person that he was. The person is not the body, he is still whole in the next life :)

You are very early in the process, but just let me mention something about the future. Nobody can change the past or know the future. Some of the happiest moments of my life have happened after my daughter was killed in an auto accident 18 years ago this month. At that time I did not think it was possible to ever feel joy again. It can happen - my kids got married and we welcomed grandchildren into this life.

So I would not expect you will be able to see that any time soon, lol, this grief business is hard work. There are some very kind and tender people on this site who post ( and then there are people like me, lol ).

So we wish you strength as you navigate your way at your pace.

Bob

I too am sorry for your loss. You are with a great group of folks. I lost my husband of 33 years to AML in Oct 2013. He was gone in ten months. I so understand what you are going thru. Keep coming back. Many hugs....Colleen

Hello Rainbow. I love the positive name you choose. There are rainbows in this life even after such a storm that we struggle to survive. For a while the storm is dark and raging, but holding hands together we stumble through drawing strength from each other.

My loss came 7 years ago this June. My marriage of 40 years and plans made for traveling retired ended abruptly after a diagnoses of lung cancer. We will talk more my new friend. Sharon

So sorry for your, but glad you found us.. i also lost my husband to cancer 14 months ago.
Things will get better in time, cant tell you when or how. I dudnt think it was possoble but i noticed one day i was breathing again and then one day i didnt cry as much. Its a process.

Welcome
Diane

Hello Rainbow,
I'm so sorry like everyone else. I lost my Honey 2 months after his diagnosis. Too fast, way too fast.
But I'm thankful I found DS...I don't know what I would do without these wonderful people here.Come back often.
Hugs & Peace,
Nancy

Oh I so feel for you. My husband died of brain cancer and it was only 5 months from DX to his death. He also was very active and vital and I watched him deteriorate to an older worn out man who was bedridden and in diapers. It broke my heart. He has been gone nine months and we were very close too and retired. I am so lonely and I miss him so much and I have tried to stay busy busy to keep my sanity. But there is no real joy...just emptiness. I too just go through the motions and I will tell you, for me, it gets tiring and becomes meaningless. I struggle and this site has helped me tremendously in that we all understand what we are each going through and we can cry, vent and seek help day or night. I am so sorry for what you are and will go through. ..Mary

So sorry about your husband Rainbow. I lost my husband 10 months ago. I am still going thru my year of "firsts" without him. You are probably in the raw emotional stages and having to deal with legal and business stuff. The first few months are a whirlwind and you feel like you are in a fog. When the fog lifts, reality smacks you.
This site is full of wonderful, caring people who share their feelings, support each other and offer suggestions. We all "get it" and understand what you are going thru. Please come here often for support. Sending hugs and prayers. Mary W.

Thank you all for the warm welcome. I am doing lots of reading on grief, joined two support groups. I went back to volunteering, meeting friends for walks, movies. But the minute I get in my car to come home, I cry all the way home. My husband loved our home and yard and took such pride in taking care of everything. I am trying to keep everything running smoothly, but it is so joyless and meaningless at this point. He died in a hospital bed here and it is still so hard because those images keep popping up in my head. I have wonderful family (all out of our area) and the best friends nearby for support. The two counselors keep telling me I am just starting on the grief journey and it be gentle on myself. My mind knows he is never coming back,but my heart is so broken. I miss him so much.

I am so sorry to hear of your lost.

I too, thought I would pass before my husband. My husband was given 2yrs, and lost his battle after 3yrs. He was always so healthy. He stopped smoking 20+ yrs ago. He would hike up and down hills in mins. Even during his chemo, he held strong willed. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would lose him. I wasn't prepared.

Afterwards, I went to a support group, then therapy for a very short time. About 6 months into my grieving process, I found this site. It was one of the better things that happened to me. It helped. I hope you will come back and join in. Widow/widower needs other widows/widowers. We have an understanding and empathy that you will not find anywhere else. Welcome and hugs to you.

Rainbow, you have joined a group who helped me through the dark times you are experiencing. There are no rules on how you should or shouldn't feel and I can't give you any recipe for taking away the pain. It will come in waves and after six months since I suddenly lost Tracey, I still feel that loss. I returned to work and try to function normally. All I can say is that it will ease, although there is never an hour that passes where I don't think of her. It sounds like you are taking positive steps to help you through and seeking support, both of which will give you reassurance. It's important you look after yourself and each breath you take is one for your beloved husband, live for him. Take care.

Rainbow. So sorry for the loss of your husband. I know it is extremely hard on you. I have been using DS for a couple of months now & it truly is a huge help. Unfortunately there are many people who are going through the same thing & it really helps to read responses from others & also to get replies to your own questions or posts. I am so glad I found this site. Hopefully you too will find strength and hope and encouragement to help you deal with all the ups and downs.

Thank you all for welcoming me. I knew reading all the posts this is where I need to be. I feel so naive and really never thought about my husband getting cancer and the initial diagnosis was stage iv, at first the oncologist gave him three months, but he endured nine months. Those images of all the treatments and side effects he went through still hurt my soul. I am glad to be here.

Hello, Rainbow ...
As I mentioned to another newcomer, you are so early in your grief, it is understandable that your pain is profound. This is an unbelievably difficult journey that we are all traveling together. I am glad you found this group, and I hope it will be as comforting to you as it has been to me. Just knowing that I am not alone in what I'm feeling has been a tremendous help. Please come here as often as you can.
Wishing you peace . . .