Hi. Grief is not something that just merely happens to us...grief is work and it is exhausting. I am not a doctor so I do not want to speak as to whether or not medication is needed. I know for me at 7 months I was emotionally wore out....for me though I felt it was par for the course. I am still exhausted at times at 13 1/2 months but not all time. I am still grieving but am no longer consumed every minute of every day so not as emotionally exhausted. Everyone is different. I might suggest you speak to a grief counselor...he/she may be able to help determine if the exhaustion is grief or depression. I wish you all the best.

I checked with my family doctor and he suggested that I take medication and I did follow his advice. I later also began counseling with hospice. The medication will NOT protect you from grieving it will actually help you find solutions that are best for you. You can take them daily or different ones only as needed. Your doctor can talk about what he thinks would be best for you. Sharon

I personally don't believe in medicating the grief process. But I realize there are some situations where it is necessary, to help one along to function. I'm at 9 months since my husband passed. I was very exhausted the first few months. I was so overwhelmed with taking care of EVERYTHING that my husband and I had tackled together, as a couple.

My grief/loss counselor suggested listening to soothing spa music or music with nature sounds. I decided to give it a try and it really worked wonders for me. Something about soft music with a babbling brook in the background took me to a state of relaxation and better sleep.

Peace and hugs,
Shari

I am so sorry for your loss and understand your exhaustion. It is a large part of our grief and like our journey each path we take is unique to us as individuals. I have never liked medication but do know some are necessary, I have a difficult time taking my vitamins.

Did your doctor suggest other options for depression? Is he quick to write a prescription? There are many good suggestions here and I hope you will find one suitable for you. Love and Hugs-Jewley

Hey Nancy, sorry you are feeling so rundown. I will throw a few thoughts out, based on the fact the doctor says your bloodwork is normal. As far as bloodwork goes, too, you should know that not all bloodwork is created equal. Some doctors will only check for the basics - iron, cholesterol, sugars. Some will not check thyroid function unless pushed, and most don't check for Vitamin D levels unless pushed. And very rarely do they check your estrogen levels - if your doctor is not an OB-GYN, it's almost a gurantee they will ignore your hormone issues. These are all things that can collide to create exhaustion and/or depression symptoms. If you feel your doctor has been thorough, and there are no signs of physical problems such as I've mentioned, then other possibilities should be looked at.

Simplest thing is whether you are getting any decent sleep. There are lots of ways to improve your sleep and improve your chances of getting a good night's sleep. I get the feeling from your post that is not an issue?? If it is, we can post some of the sleep help stuff.

One thing that frequently gets overlooked is dehydration from crying. You can cry so much that you become dehydrated, and that can manifest itself by feeling exhausted, having foggy thinking, and also as hunger (a lot of people wind up comfort food eating). I had all of these symptoms and muscle cramps, too. It's important to up your water/fluid intake to balance out the crying. Try to cut back on caffeine drinks like coffee and cokes as the caffeine has a diuretic effect, flushing out more water, which makes it worse. This is something simple to try - just add a couple of glasses a water a day, or sip on a bottle of water throughout the day, and try that for a week. If it makes a difference, then you know. If it doesn't, then it's something else. Won't hurt you, won't cost you anything.

The other thing you can try is adding a multivitamin with minerals. The ones that are formulated specifically for women over 50 will generally be better than the basic one-a-day type. Grieving is a prolonged hardship on your body, not just your heart, and many women in our age bracket were already low on some nutrients (especially D, calcium, and B complex which affect sleep and energy) when we became widowed and that compounds the issue. It's another simple thing you can try, not expensive, not dangerous. Try for at least two weeks to see if it helps. (Our widower brethren should be watching their B-complex and C intakes in particular, and opt for the men's 50+ vitamins.)

Are you getting any exercise? Even a 10-minute walk a day can help. Avoid exercising within the last 3 hours before bedtime, as that can keep you ramped up. I used to walk on my morning and afternoon coffee breaks. Helped me to de-stress, and it helped improve my sleep, too. It also kept me from going off on some of my coworkers.... ;)

There are differing opinions out there amongst the medical community as to when grief stops being grief and becomes depression. Some say anything over 6 months is depression. I am not a doctor but I disagree with that. It is possible that you would benefit from an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication for short-term treatment. I have had good and bad experiences with medication in the past. However, I did not have any medication during my grieving. I managed my grief, pain, and exhaustion with diet and nutrition, exercise, hobbies, prayer, counseling, journaling, reading grief books, spending time with my kids and my cat, shopping with my sister, rediscovering old very silly movies, and spending a lot of time on DS. Grief wipes you out on many layers, so it takes many pieces to the puzzle - at least that was my experience.

It really kind of depends on what else is going on for you, what you have tried that hasn't worked, and what you are willing to try.

I hope something here helps you find a way through it.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Yes, I think it's normal. I experience the same thing. Try walking in the evenings. Physical exercise releases endorphins into your system and will make you feel better. I don't have depression, I have anxiety but that started before my husband got sick and passed. I take meds for that and it helps so much. At this moment it is ok, just depends on what's going on and how I am feeling. I have learned to know what triggers and recognize the signs so I can brace for it and I know what to do to make myself feel better. With depression, you need to make yourself get out of the house. I was depressed after Mitch passed and I spent an entire weekend in bed, only getting up to eat and use the bathroom. I have realized that I have to make myself do things on the weekends or I stay in the house the entire time. Give yourself time but don't let yourself sink into it. I am just 7 months out from my husbands death as well. HUGS

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful replies. I am going totake the suggestion and add a multi vitamin & B-complex . My vitamin D3 levels are good, & my thyroid levels are corrected with Synthroid. It's really most helpful just to know that others are feeling extra tired during this difficult time. And that I am "normal." Knowing you are not alone is powerful medicine too. Thanks for being here.
Peace to all of you.