I understand how you feel and I think you should move them to a private place where others don't have to see or no about them unless you want to tell them. I did the same thing, taking them out of drawers and putting them back in. Your closet is for your clothes now, but you can find a place for them as long as you want. God bless you in your pain. (No offense meant). Sharon

It's understandable, we all have to deal with it in our own way and time. You took a baby step bagging them up...as for me I usually do one or two at a time. The first time was difficult yet I felt good knowing someone would be able to use them. I kept his favorite flannel shirt and wore it after he left and his hat still hangs on the chair at the table where he hung it. This "thing" is crazy...

Honey don't do anything with them until YOU are ready and not one second before then. Don't apologize for not knowing if you're ready, don't feel guilt over what you don't understand about the hell you are in, I word it so crassly because that's exactly what it feels like, like the threshold of hell. And you're right, it's a hell only others who have lost a spouse can understand. If it makes you feel better to have them there then leave his things right where they are, his razor his body wash all those things. If it comforts you, leave them darling there is no book on right or wrong because there is no right or wrong...only you and YOUR grief that is yours to handle and yours alone.
I agree with Sharon, think about just moving those bag or bags to a place private, maybe like your closet or your bedroom out of your way. It's not like you have to unpack it if you dot want to honey, but having it there in the place where all the visitors come will just be better for YOU never mind anyone else. I understand and commend you for being thoughtful of your stepdaughter, but you do whatever you need to. Try this if you want to honey....(this is what I did and it worked for me)...stand there, look at the bag(s) ask yourself out loud "What do YOU want to do?" Do the very first thing that pops into your head. If nothing comes keep asking yourself out loud. My thoughts were this..I needed to talk to myself I needed to encourage myself so..as crazy as it sounds I did. I had five kids depending on me to keep going, I still do, it's seven months today, and I needed to be my friend. When I did what was right for me, I told him out loud what I was doing. I put my baby's things in a plastic storage bin then I made my closet mine. I heard him say in my head "Baby I'm in heaven I don't need or want those clothes anymore, stop worrying." Then I called my friend who sews and she agreed to make blankets out of his clothing, what we would choose, whenever the time was right for me. They're still in the plastic bin, as it's not right yet for me. My closet is mine, the drawers are mine and I have absolutely no guilt, once I acknowledged myself and my own pain I moved forward and past it now I never think about it, not until now and I feel great telling you about it.
I hope it's alright that I shared so much with you, I hope and pray you weren't offended and that I worded this respectfully.
It's alright honey, it's alright you do what you can in your own way.
Please message me anytime.
With love,
Cindy

I bagged up my husband's clothes soon after his death because our closets and drawers were so full. The kids & I took some pieces for ourselves and the rest I put in bags in the basement. Months later I realized I could take them to Goodwill. It definitely helped doing it in steps and having them out of sight for awhile.

I still have all my husband's clothes in his drawers and wardrobe. I know it has to be done at some point but just opening a drawer is hard, I guess I will know when the time is right. It has been 13 months now and still doesn't seem to be getting much easier. I still get signs from him so I know he is around and that is comforting but I so want him back. You too, will know when it is right. Marilyn

It has been almost 11 months and I just donated his ties, belts and some of his shoes to our men's clothing drive at church. My husband had some very nice clothes, especially suits and sport coats which he wore very often. I have not parted with them, small steps.

I have put some of his things into plastic bags and put them in the spare room to think about later. The rest are still where they were. A little at a time and I'm not ready to part with them yet. I also want to give his son the chance to choose any he wants and it's too soon for that yet. It's very hard to do so I can do a little when I'm feeling strong enough. I stop when I get too sad or start to feel overwhelmed or sick.

Perhaps oddly, I tidied the bathroom stuff away early on as I found it just too emotionally and physically distressing to face first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

I did all that stuff right away, maybe cuz I was in shock and it seemed the thing to do. His bagged clothes sat in the bedroom for weeks while I felt guilty that there were all these good warm clothes and nice dress clothes someone could be using. I finally called our local homeless shelter and asked if they did pick ups. They obliged me and sent someone over. I felt bad when the men came but I knew Michael would approve because his clothes were going to help someone else . I kept a few things and some I wear occasionally. He was alot bigger than me but who cares.
Do what you need to do. Don't feel guilty or pressured. All in good time.
Hugs,
Nancy

Yeah, I'll have to say that removing the "stuff" was the most difficult, and there is no good way.

My daughter, sister, and my wife's sisters came over and removed the stuff from the two bedrooms ( lol, she used all of two closets - my stuff is in a third bedroom closet ). They took some things for themselves and we donated the rest to charity. Of course I kept some of her special things - just brought a smile when I look at them ( story with each one ).

However, when our daughter died 18 years ago, her bedroom is in the basement. We never removed any of her stuff - we still have her cheerleading uniform hanging up in the closet.

So do what you need to do, the rules are dat there ain't no rules :)

Bob

It is absolutely normal, and if his belongings sit there, so be it. Your business, no one elses. Everyone is different when it comes to parting with the belongings of a loved one, especially a spouse. I still have items belonging to my husband that I kept. They make me feel good. I do have them out of view so that I am not asked questions. It is your business only what you do.

Due to the situation I was in I needed to pack a 4 bedroom 2 bath home by myself so I could move from CA to CO. I pcaked Tim's clothing right away, I saved all his shirts, shoes and a couple pair of nice jeans for our youngest Son. Everything else got donated. I was filled with great sadness when I was done and realized that all the items I had kept fit into 2 boxes. I kept thinking is this was it come down to a persons whole existance fits into 2 boxes
It has been 10 months and I am cryng my eyes out right now remembering he will never be coming home again.
I guess looking back it was a blessing that I had to do it right away, it kept me from having to think about it too much.
I did save all his leathers, we ride motorcycle, I was folding them up to put them in his saddle bags and for the first time I was over come with sorrow and buried my face in his jacket and cried until I couldn't cry any more. This was the first time I had the urge to bury my face in something of his.
Sorry for rambling.
Hugs, Sandi

Thank you all so much for sharing your stories! And please don't apologize for rambling! For one I do it all the time! :) it's just something we need to do, to talk, tell stories, etc. I do believe I will find another place to keep the bags, it will probably help keep me from feeling so overwhelmed! I packed up a whole suitcase if mostly shirts to be taken to make a quilt for his daughter. I think I may ask if there is enough (I kind of went overboard stuffing the suitcase!) if I could have one made as well. I saved a few tshirts for myself that I sleep in and a falcons jersey to save for my son. My grandmother took one of his button downs and made a sleep shirt for my stepdaughter and I have pulled a couple to make either a top or a dress for myself. His scent is long gone from his clothes, I had just done laundry so most everything was clean. But I frequently open up his cologne bottle just to smell "him". It was my absolute favorite and I loved it when he put it on. I haven't smelled it out in public yet and I'm afraid that if I get caught off guard that I will lose it! But you just never can tell. ( see I told you I ramble! :) )

Although I had never seen it done before, a friend of mine had a "memory bear" made from her deceased brother's sweatshirt. She then gave the memory bear to her brother's daughter. Of course, the little girl cherishes the bear.

Since then, I've learned that the "memory bear" is a popular thing. There are patterns available online, along with suggestions on how to make the bear.

I'm actually thinking of making one. Maybe that's something you could do, too.

We all deal with it our own way and what works best for us. What works for me might not work for someone else. I had to remove all his stuff in the bathroom right away. I couldn't take seeing it, but not him. About a month in I boxed all of his clothes, shoes etc into totes and they sit on the floor in my room against the wall. I say at least once a week that I need to donate them, but I can't bring myself to do it. They are still there. I don't see them every day which is what was hardest for me, opening the closet, seeing his things, and knowing I would never see him again, but I still have them. It has been 8 months now, and today I sold his truck. It broke my heart to come home and not see it sitting in the driveway. I never thought I would get emotional over a truck. It is true - everything about this is crazy! One day at a time, one step at a time, one minute at a time - whatever it takes to get through. Hugs.