I'm so sorry that you have to through this. I can relate in many ways to your experience. I've had quite a few "false starts" these past 5 weeks since LaShawn passed. I've made myself go out, my family has taken me to the movies, and I've gone to dinner with a few friends. Each time I've been ok while out. It's when I come home and I'm left with my thoughts that I begin to break down. We shared so much of our lives together and she isn't here to experience any of it.

I am so sorry you are going through this. We all understand. The stinking roller coaster. Don't want to go anywhere, but when we do we don't want to come back home to that emptyness. And the triggers just keep coming. I too always want to rush back to my husband and share everything with him. And yes the steps backward. We all hate it. That kick in the stomach, that empty heart, the overwhelming sadness. It may lift for a while, but comes back with a huge thump. So all we can do I guess is the time and baby steps thing. I look forward to the day when a trigger or memory doesn't make me sad, but happy. Hugs to all, Michele

Unfortunately grief follows you wherever you may go. :( Sorry to say. We may have our invitational outings, or perhaps even expected outings . . . yet we are still in grief mode. If only these people knew how hard it is on us to simply get out . . would make a diff. So sad, so sorry. I'm with ya, as many are here . . it's just not that easy. At 17 months, I can safely say, it does get easier . . as in your voice, to say if you want to go or not. Probably, you mostly will . . but if you don't, that's totally okay also. Be gentle with self, without expectations. Hugs, Dayna

I understand the roller coaster ride. I have to agree with the baby steps. Time and patience is what I guess it will take. My husband was a construction worker and was hit by a car. The driver wasn't watching where she was going and the local police desides to leave the work zone to grab a bite to eat.
Without a replacement to direct the traffic and he was hit blind sided. It took a year and a half to just realize how this all happened. My children and I needed to take him off life support because
he was brain dead. His family was against taking him off support. That was another issue in its self.

At 18 months I am starting to feel somewhat sane though recently I have been wanting to tell my partner Mike about the roller coaster ride that I went on. About all the ups and downs BUT he is not here to listen.....

I, too, like to be in a group of people who have absolutely no idea that I've lost my love. I have no one approaching me with "I'm so sorry", "I just heard about your loss" or "how are you doing"......Not that I don't appreciate and love the folks who show sympathy and care.....I'm just so done with the "poor, pitiful, me" stares. It's exhausting to try and sooth everyone else, they're so loving and caring, I know but it's tiring to make sure that they're being taken care of. If you know what I mean!

I also have a difficult time with coming home to that empty house. I still look for him, expecting that he'll come to the door to give me a kiss or a hug. I have to talk to myself to remind myself that he's NOT here anymore!

I so want to turn back time......

Roz