Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
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50th Anniversary today

marsha0622
marsha0622
Oh boy. Here goes. I have been following this sight over two years but don't think I have posted my own discussion before. It is a hard thing for me to do as I tend to be shy and an introvert.
My husband died of lung cancer on August 9, 2013, 10 months after diagnosis. He went through 9 hours of surgery to remove part of his lung, radiation and chemo. No need to tell you how that was as I'm sure you can relate.
We were high school sweethearts meeting when I was 15 and he was 16 and were married when I was 19. We were soul mates in every way and were everything to each other. We had a few close friend couples but all we really needed was each other, being attached at the hip and always doing things together.
This journey of grief is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I went from living with my parents to being married so have never lived alone before. My daughter and family are close (50 miles from me which is close in SoCal) which has been a God send. We had looked so forward to retirement together and were within 6 months of that when he was diagnosed. Today would have been our 50th anniversary where we were going to renew our vows. Hard day but I will go to the church where we had his services this morning and light a candle for him then go to Disneyland with my family where Steve and I have gone since we were teenagers and where we practically raised our kids and now the grand kids too.
I'm sorry this was so long and rambling but finally just had to get this out. Thank you all for all your posts over the last two years it has been helping me so much. I know there is hope because I have seen how much so many of you have progressed down this road and I can see how far I have come with still a long way to go.
Thank you for "listening,"
Marsha
scottito
scottito
Hi Marsha. My name is Scott but I prefer my friends call me Scottie. I too am an introvert, which to me means that I tend to figure out my life inside my own head rather than having idle chit chat with everybody and their dog. I know what you mean about it being just you and your husband - he was all you needed, as was my wife for me. She was the social one, not me. I say all this because I am shocked that this is your very first post. You write like a pro, and if you hadn't of said anything and if I were new here, I would have guessed that you post all the time. You see, even us introverts have valuable things to say, and it is a very healthy thing (for me anyway) to give life to my thoughts by writing them down. Until I stumbled onto this support group, I only wrote for business, never ever personal. And as far as keeping a journal or a diary, forget it. I have to write to somebody else, doesn't work for me to write to myself. I have the utmost respect for people that stay married no matter what. Yeah, for everyone here our time was cut short. But if people would just learn the value of commitment, nearly everything can be worked out with love and forgiveness. Working through the hard times glues us closer together. And with pureness of heart I tell you, Happy Anniversary! So anyway Marsha, thanks for sharing your thoughts. They are valuable to all of us, just as you are. ~~ Scottie
sandeestttn
sandeestttn
I am so sorry. Last July would have been my 50th Anniversary. I spent it alone. My children were in Washington o vacation, They had flowers delivered to me. A hard day. I was 16 when I got married. Pamper yourself. Try to get through, anyway you can. ((hugs)))... Sandee
doyew
doyew
Marsha, sounds like you have a good plan for your 50th. I know that it will be a hard day in many ways, but what wonderful memories you have of a happy life together! My husband passed away 8 mo. after our 50th. I am very thankful that we reached this milestone. He had to go in the hospital the day after - fighting leukemia - but he enjoyed our small celebration very much. I'm glad your daughter is nearby and is a support for you.
Hugs - Doye
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
Our 4th Anniversary is this month. We also met in high school and left our parents house to be together. We both had retired and were beginning to enjoy our time spending the money we had tucked aside for us to enjoy our time. Don passes 10 weeks after diagnosis of lung cancer. Needless to say, "I understand ". Sharon
deleted_user
deleted_user
Marsha, thank you for sharing your story with us. Morey and I were together for over 40 years and the last few years were very difficult for him. He slowly was losing the ability to remember dates and his long range memory was all but lost.

Towards the end of his life anger was the easiest emotion for him to express and the most difficult for all of us to accept. I knew it wasn't him and I knew that deep within his soul he was still the love of my life and my man! I loved him so much and will always be grateful for his true devotion to me and to our family.

Morey and I also were looking forward to retiring together but NEVER got to have that. We were just a few years away from realizing our dream and then fate stepped in and EVERYTHING would change, just as it did the day we met.

Again, thanks for sharing.

Roz
lifeisunreal
lifeisunreal
Marsha - Thank you for sharing. New Year's Even would
have been our 25th and it was one of the most difficult
days I have ever experienced. I made a decision to be
alone as I was just in too much pain to be good company
for anyone.

I am glad for you that you have chosen a different approach
in being with family. I have no doubt Steve is looking down
and watching you and your family as you celebrate him as
well as your life together.

Blessings to all - Darrell
marsha0622
marsha0622
Thank you all so much for your replies. They helped me through a hard day. We were able to have a good time and I shared stories with them about our wedding day. The weather back then was so much like our weather was yesterday - sunny and very warm.
All my best to you all,
Marsha
loveddogs
loveddogs
Marsha, I am so sorry you have to be on this awful journey like the rest of us. I just read your post and am glad you had a good day on what would have been your 50th anniversary. November 21st would have been our 40th. We too met and married young and spent 40 years together. Do not ever feel like you are rambling! We are all here for you at anytime, any day. I find comfort in sharing and seeking advice from those who understand. Here's to all of us finding peace and comfort! Hugs and Love, Michele
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