Today is the 4th of July, my husbands favorite day of the year. He looked forward to it every year like a big kid. I have been dreading this day as much as I dreaded Fathers Day but I got through that and I will get through this day. I went as far as sending my kids 3,000 miles to spend it with my brother and his family. I wanted them not to feel bad about the day but have new memories. My husband died four months ago. Each day that goes by it becomes a little bit easier and harder at the same time. I have had to make so many decsions and look to other people for advise. So much I am not used to.

I have gotten to the place where I don't cry everyday but when I do I completely lose it. The loneliness is the hardest. No one to talk to or to hold in bed. So many times something happens and I pick up my phone to call or text him and it hits me he is not there. After his death his friend was telling me he told him how strong i was. I always thought that was a strange thing to say but maybe he knew something I didn't. I like to think he is looking over me and guiding me in someway. I am moving to the east coast to be closer to my family. I put an offer on a house and it was accepted. It all happened so fast. I remember asking him for a sign. I looked down and found a dime, I had just been looking at that spot and there was nothing there. I remeber reading once that sometimes they leave change to let them know they are there. I know it sounds silly but it was comforting. My job just told me they are offering me the option of keeping my job when I move and work from home. It seems things are really starting to work out for me, all the little things are starting to fall into place but somehow I am afraid to enjoy it. I keep thinking the shoe is going to fall off. I guess I feel he should be here to enjoy it all with me.