I am so sorry for your loss. My partner passed away three months ago from liver and lung cancer, he was 46. I know the loneliness too well. The only advice I can give you is just do what you can. There is no schedule we can follow. You will figure a little out each day. Everyone told me it will get better, I didn't believe them but now realize that it is getting better, slowly. Don't worry about tomorrow just handle each day at a time. Everyone here is very supportive.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm at over 10 months. Lost my Roby to cancer also.

You are in the early days if grieving. Don't worry about the house. Don't feel pressured to accept invitations right now.
You need to take care of yourself do what you feel you are up to.

You may even need someone to help you pay bills and shop.

You will start to feel better. Everyone has their own timeline.

We are here to help you through this.

Lots of hugs
Diane

hang in there. It's been five months for me. My husband and I had 31 fabulous years together. I had the same feelings the first 3 months. didn't want to be home and didn't want to stay home. A viscous cycle. but slowly I have started to go out with friends. It hasn't been easy; but I am realizing I am doing a bit better. I can now go to the store and don't cry every time. I have even found I can smile and think of the many many good times I had with my husband. I never would have believed I could smile again. the best help I have received is from the folks here. We all are here to listen and assist you with this difficult journey. Prayers and hugs to you. God Bless chipstears

you will feel lonely in a crowd of people. its not the place, but the feeling....

I am so very sorry for your loss. I, too, lost my husband to prostate cancer two months ago. He battled it for three years, passing away at age 62. I feel I will never be the same person I was. How I miss him!
The sadness is debilitating at times. I remember my first trip to the grocery store after Steve died. I felt nauseated and wanted to run out of the store...but I decided to finish my shopping because I did not want to desert a cart full of "stuff." I even tossed in a carton of orange sherbet for him!!!! It still sits in the freezer...what was I thinking???
I just found this site last week. I am so very grateful for everyone's input and insights. Hugs to you.

I get lonely too. My husband and I were a team. We did almost everything together. My life was centered around him. Even if we didn't do anything, he was there in the house.

After his demise, the house was so empty. There was no reason for me to be motivated. My desires went out the window.

It's been a hard year for me. I realize that I am lonely and must do something about it. It is a bit harder than I thought to make new friends. Like you say, other women are working, have families of their own to care for, or already established friends, which don't include me.

Finding a new best friend would help me. Right now, my best friend is the computer. DS is a great site to express your feelings.

I volunteer, go to nursing home with church, do bingo with residents, attend and help at youth center. I cannot stay home and just set, have to work. This site has been wonderful, talking to others helps so much that have gone thru this and understand. Life will never be the same, but we learn to cope. Staying involved with family helps, friends on facebook. Stay strong, he is watching you.

Thank you all so much for your kind words. Instead of each day getting better, I feel like every day is worse than the day before but reading all your replies does help me a bit. It just seems to help that I'm not alone.

you are not alone..... we are all in this with you....

you will eventually have good days again. I have them. I still feel like a part of me is missing...a huge part. but staying busy is helpful...as long as you aren't avoiding your feelings because you have to grieve. I still have moments everyday where I hurt so bad. but I can move through those feelings to accomplish things. I was just telling my therapist that I am doing really well at functioning...but I don't feel like im living. With my husband I felt like life was amazing and exciting. Now I just function. but at 5 months...im happy to just function.

Your story is so much like mine. I lost my husband on Valentine's day of bone cancer AND I lost my sister 9 days later of a brain bleed. So I here you big time. Some days I don't get out of bed until 1pm and then I eat and I go back to bed until 4 - 5pm. I don't want to clean, I don't want to cook (Currently only eating breakfast, after that, I often only have shakes like Ensure plus).

There is not much positive in my life but I'm trying to change that. I have joined a Church that I really like. Really nice down to earth people attend, all willing to give you a real sincere hug. I have been going every Sunday. It is not helping much with my at home life but it gets me out of the house for a few hours and I have to drive at night which I never would do, so this is a positive. Maybe a Church would help you, you need the right kind of Church though. You need a Church where you can attend and actually say that you received a message there that night. I seem to have lucked out with the pastor where I go. He is an awesome speaker.

Another thing that I am still doing are family days. We have been doing family days for years and the kids always come here usually on Saturdays. This makes me cook, it forces me to come up with menus and actually cooking the food. I was so lost at first but I am cooking up a big meal for New Year's Day so that kept me busy tonight. Tomorrow the kids will be here and have supper --- but then they will leave and the lonely will come once again. I guess we just have to do the time. It's like a sentence - our worlds have been so totally turned around. I am frightened about my future but I am working on changing my attitude that is so negative to a more positive one. I guess we have to go one day at a time.

I hope you have the best New Year's day as you possibly can under the circumstances. I'm not sure how to do the friend thing on this website, if you do, you could request me to be your friend. Maybe we can help each other, our stories are so much alike.
Carmen

Yes Carmen, our story is so much alike. I also wake up then eat something & then go back to bed for a few more hours & I also take a nap later.
I really need & want to find a Church I like. We didn't belong to a certain church but my husband was a Christian & read the Bible a lot & watched Christian T.V. stations. I was raised a Catholic but I would prefer to find a non denominational Church. There are just so many that I don't know where to begin.
It just feels so good to talk to people that are going through the same thing.

Hi Kathill,

I hope that you will take 1 day at a time. I lost my husband at the age of 39, a little over 4 1/2 months ago, and it is truly a hard journey. I never thought that at 36, I would be a widow. Just know that you are not alone.

I pray that you allow yourself to move through this journey we call grief, by taking it slowly. Be blessed.

Khanya