Widows & Widowers Support Group

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Fear

krysshaddow
krysshaddow
We recently talked about songs and I wanted to share this with everyone especially during the holidays.
I've never been afraid of anything. Not before Wayne, not with Wayne. But after 9 years with him I find myself struggling with many fears I've never experienced before. I'm still crazy enough to skydive at 10,000 ft without a thought, but I'm terrified of weird things like to be in busy places where I might see someone who knew him.
Although I still have to work at it every day, I wanted to share a beatiful song that has been helping my confidence, in hopes that it helps some of you also.
FEAR by Blue October
All my life
Been running from a pain in me
A feeling I don't understand
Is holding me down

So Rain on me
Underwater
All I am
it's getting harder
A heavy weight
I carry around.

But Today
I don't have to fall apart
I don't have to be afraid
I don't have to let the damage consume me,
Or My shadow see through me cause

Fear in itself
Will reel you in
and spit you out
Over and over again
Believe in yourself
And you will walk
Fear in itself
Will use you up
and break you down
like you were never enough
I used to fall,
but now I get back up.

I'm up here
I'm looking at the way down there
And I'm staring through the I don't care
And It's staring back at me

The beauty is
I'm learning how to face my beast
Starting now to find some peace
And Set myself free

Today,
I don't have to fall apart
I don't have to be afraid
I don't have to let the damage consume me,
Or My shadow see through me cause

Fear in itself
Will reel you in
And spit you out
over and over again
Believe in yourself
and you will walk
Fear in itself
Will use you up
and break you down
like you were never enough
I used to fall but now I get back up

I'm moving on
Oh god just move on
Today,
I don't have to fall apart
I don't have to be afraid....
Get back up
Get up

Fear in itself
will use you up
And it breaks you down
like you were never enough
I used to fall

Breathe,
Ask for more
if you're bitter still
Ask HIM to help you carry on.
DJ110
DJ110
thanks, I agree.
deleted_user
deleted_user
my husband was 46 yrs old when he passed away. We were in the kitchen talking about his plans to go back to school as he just applied to it the day before. We talked, made plans, laugh while our son (4 yrs) was in his room. Mark went to bed and I stayed behind pressing my clothes to work next day. My son came to join me and wanted to see Daddy again. He went to the room and said: Daddy is sleeping!
On my head I thought: Sleeping???? So fast?!
I went to see and there he was bluish. He had stop breathing, why ? nobody can determine is exactly happened on the 20 to 30 minutes that he was by himself in the room.
Life is not the same, but we are doing our best to be strong. My son gives me strength to keep going. He is a strong little one and I am so blessed to have him.
I just want to share my story with you to let you know that you are not alone and we care about you. I will pray for you.
Patriciavara
Patriciavara
The song is beautiful, thank you for sharing! My husband died in July of heart complications. He had a stent put in 2 weeks prior, but the Drs are still baffled as to how he could go into cardiac arrest. There is a 20-40% complication rate, but he was recovering so well, it was a shock to everyone. When the drs told me he was dead, I couldnt even cry. I was in shock, and I had such tremendous fear. I was scared to death of what I was up against. Now it is going on 5 months, and so much of that fear is gone. I have accomplished so much, more than what I ever thought I could handle as a person. There were so many things I had to do that were totally out of my comfort zone, but I did them. I am amazed at what a strong person I have become. My daughter posted a birthday message on her Facebook page, about what a wonderful role model I was to her, and how strong I was. That meant the world to me! I do have my moments, as everyone does. I know my husband would be proud of me for accomplishing so much. Stay strong, and keep putting one foot in front of the other! Patricia
krysshaddow
krysshaddow
Ivonete: I'm sorry to hear how you lost him. I also lost my Wayne in his sleep and never got an explanation for why he just stopped breathing. I think it's hard for us to find closure with no answers. I wish you peace.
Patricia: its amazing what we learn about ourselves in such horrible situations. I had no idea what I was going to do about the mortgage all alone, but somehow managed to sell the house in only a couple months, keep calm about his family trying to fight me for $ and move back to my home state to be with my family to grieve. I honestly don't even remember most of it until after I settled into my new apt.
I'm glad you like the song. Keep being strong. We will all stay strong together. :-)